Thanks for the Memories

07/25/2008 – DEAR MARGO: About four and a half years ago I had a one-night stand with a friend of a friend who was leaving in a few weeks for the Army. I got pregnant and we decided to abort the pregnancy. We communicated by e-mail after the incident, and although we expressed feelings for one another, we knew it wouldn't go anywhere because we were not in the same city. He would randomly write me asking how I was and telling me he missed me. Then his messages started to say how he really wanted to see me when he came home to visit. We wrote back and forth, but then when he did come home to visit, he would text me at strange times wanting to see me. So we never ended up seeing one another -- and still to this day have not. Every few months he writes saying he's thinking of me, thanking me for what I did for him, telling me he wants to see me, and even saying I'm the best he's been with and that he often thinks of me after he's been with another woman. We basically plan to meet up but never do. I am just wondering what this is all about. Can you make sense of it?

--- LIMBO GIRL

DEAR LIM: Four and a half years is a long time to try to get together without it ever actually happening. It sounds to me as if this chap is either conflicted about having a relationship -- with you or anybody else -- or he thinks he's being polite by staying in touch and saying flattering things. I would let the correspondence wane and chalk the whole thing up to this man being an odd duck.

--- MARGO, STRANGELY

When Ill-Behaved Children Are Coddled

DEAR MARGO: I was visiting my family for a Friday night dinner at my mother's house -- brother, sisters, mother, nieces, nephews -- and we were all having a lovely evening. After dinner, we started an impromptu family photo session. One of my nieces, who had been disruptive, disrespectful and self-absorbed all weekend, intentionally interrupted a photo I was trying to take, so I said, "We'll have to do that one over because this one is acting like a jackass." Well, you'd have thought I called her a whore. Her mother and grandmother immediately clouded up, tempers flaring. I was berated and even threatened with "losing my family" for the comment. Their main point seemed to be that I was the adult and had to apologize to the 12-year-old for the comment. It was obvious all weekend that my niece is allowed to behave any way she likes without repercussions or consequences. My feeling is that I am the adult, but the child should have apologized to me for trying to interrupt something I was doing. My mother and sister are now not communicating with me -- although my mother does call my wife from time to time during the day to remind her of what a jerk I am. Am I crazy, or are they crazy?

--- FEELING UNFAIRLY TREATED

DEAR FEEL: The real problem is not that you called the kid a jackass, but that your mother and sister are misguidedly protective of a kid who has no boundaries. Rather than trying to shape her up so that she behaves properly -- and with respect for grownups -- they have communicated that she can do whatever she pleases and anyone who doesn't go along with that is the bad guy. My guess is that if you had called her "troublesome," or said anything about her disruptive behavior, you still would have been the villain. So, to answer your ultimate question: You are not crazy, they are.

--- MARGO, RIGOROUSLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

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