Divorced But Not Really

10/03/2008 – DEAR MARGO: My husband and I have been married for a year and together for four. When we met, he and his now ex-wife "Nancy" were just separating. They had known each other since high school and have remained in contact. About a week ago my husband's cell phone was blinking so I picked it up. There were a series of text messages back and forth between him and Nancy. They were discussing sexual things that had gone on between them years ago and also my husband's and my sex life. The last part I read was about them "hooking up soon." I confronted him about this and he denied any wrongdoing. He claims they were joking around and that he would never cheat on me. I think that he is a lying sack of cow poop. About two years ago he sent her a phone picture of his penis. He claimed that was a joke, too. He refuses to break ties with her because he says she is married again, so what's the big whoop? Do you think I have something to worry about?

--- TREADING WATER

DEAR TREAD: It would appear that your husband and Nancy never really separated. To say "they have remained in contact" is quite the understatement. Sending sexy messages plus penis pictures and reminiscences of bygone romps in no way resemble "joking around." Pictures may not lie, but apparently your husband does. So yes, I'm afraid you have something to worry about, and you may want to take your worries to a lawyer. "Trustworthy" is not the word that comes to mind in this mini-report about your husband.

--- MARGO, SKEPTICALLY

Out on a Limb

DEAR MARGO: I was recently hired in the PR department of a small college and mostly I enjoy the work. I had never worked in PR before so I feel I am still learning a lot. However, I keep running into wrangles with my boss. She seems to feel she is always right. For example, she called me into her office today to ask me about the way I had phrased an e-mail to one of our colleagues. I pointed out that she had told me to phrase it exactly that way. She said she did not recall ever having said that and acted upset that I came back at her, but I felt I needed to defend myself. I told her that I had witnesses who would back up my side of the story. She said that would not be necessary, and quoted an "old adage" that "the boss is always right, even when the boss is wrong." I don't understand this. I was clearly right, and had witnesses! We ended the conversation with her telling me that she had never dealt with any employee who was as defensive and argumentative as I and if this continues she is not sure this position will work out for me. She has also told me I talk too much in a position where I need to keep my mouth closed and listen and learn. She also pointed out that I am still on my probationary period. Do you think this means my job is in danger?

--- GLENDA

DEAR GLEN: Yes, I suspect it is. If this woman is your boss and she has already told you about "the old adage," mentioned that she finds you defensive and argumentative, warned you that things may not "work out," said you talk too much and listen too little, and reminded you that you are in a probationary period, that sound you are hearing is most likely thin ice cracking. The woman clearly cannot tolerate being contradicted, so your choices are clear: her way or the highway. The good news is that you know, at least, how her game is played.

--- MARGO, SELECTIVELY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

COPYRIGHT 2008 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.