If Only She Were a Goalie!

12/12/2008 – DEAR MARGO: I have been dating a guy for two years, and when we met, everything was perfection. We have had ups and downs, of course, but I feel there's one thing that is always putting a strain on our life: My boyfriend is totally obsessed with the Pittsburgh Penguins. Everything he does revolves around them, from the clothes he wears each day (always a Penguins hat and/or shirt) to the car he drives (his license plate boasts the name of his favorite player) to his room, which is covered floor to ceiling with 8 by 10 pictures, jerseys in cases, pucks, sticks, game-used skates and hockey cards. He needs to go to all the home games (42-plus over eight months), and he goes alone because he only has one ticket. His hockey mania takes a huge toll on our relationship because it involves a large chunk of time away from "us." We both work and go to school, so our time is limited, but the Penguin season in the mix makes it much worse. I end up feeling unimportant to him -- almost as if he has a second girlfriend and he's cheating on me with "her." Please help me find a way to make him understand my feelings and to lessen the strain on our relationship.

--- OFF-SEASON-ONLY GIRLFRIEND

DEAR OFF: You have my sympathies. A former husband was also obsessed with hockey ... about which I knew nothing. In fact, I remember watching the first game he took me to for a while and then blurting, "My God! They're on skates!" I suspect that even if your boyfriend had two tickets it would not solve your problem. Your guy sounds like such a jock and a fanatic that my hunch is the romance cannot last. No offense, but the Penguins seem to have edged you out in terms of where he puts his energy and spends his time. I suspect he already understands your feelings, and that a relationship is not so important to him. I am guessing the only way you could see more of him is if you ran the Zamboni machine.

--- MARGO, ACCEPTINGLY

The Writing's on the Wall; Now Read the Wall

DEAR MARGO: I fell for a man who was on "a break" from his girlfriend. It was magic ... for a week. Then he got back together with her. He continued to contact me while they were still together and insisted that he wished he could go back in time to when he was happy about having met "a smart, cute girl." I rebuffed these advances for the most part, but since we have mutual friends, I would see the two of them from time to time. Afterward, he would always contact me again. We finally talked and found that we wanted to be together. He broke up with the girlfriend with the intention that he was going to be with me. We spent some time together, and it was great ... but now he just wants to hang out with his friends. He reassured me that he meant everything he said about how much he wanted me, but is "messed up right now." Contact with him has become more and more scarce. I don't know what to do or if there is anything to do. Is my only option to sit back and wait for him to get it together?

--- NOT SO PATIENT

DEAR NOT: No, your other option is to get a grip, recognize trouble when you see it and flee. He clearly doesn't know what he wants, let alone with whom he wants it. Romantic relationships are tough enough without having to do a reclamation job on Hamlet. His breaking up with what's-her-name and then deciding he wants to hang with friends suggests he is confused, and his uncertainty is definitely something you don't need.

--- MARGO, TELEPATHICALLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

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