Travel-testing your relationship

With Valentine's Day upon us, Americans are once again celebrating (or bemoaning) the idea of romantic relationships. 

Few things test a romance like traveling together.  In packing your bags and hitting the road with your lover, you aren't just leaving home — you're leaving behind the habits, routines, and comfort zones that keep that relationship on neutral ground. 

Sometimes, the shared novelties of a new adventure can result in a closer romantic bond (and I have several sets of friends who decided to get married after completing a long-term journey together).  At other times, being together full-time on the road can reveal just how mismatched you are with a person you thought you knew intimately.  And, as sad as that might sound, it's actually a very useful process:  Travel makes it easier to identify and confront incompatibilities that might take years to surface at home.

Romance is not a science, so I don't recommend treating every romantic vacation like a cosmic litmus test of compatibility.  Still, travel has a way of putting relationships in a new light. 

Here are ten factors to keep in mind:

1) The Expectation Factor: Where do you want to go together, and why?  What are your expectations for your travels, both individually and as a couple?  How well are you communicating those expectations?  How will either of you react if those expectations aren't met?  What, in short, do you hope to get out of the journey?

2) The Financial Factor: What role will money play in your travels?  How much do you plan to spend on food, lodging, and transportation?  Will you split costs, or rely on one partner?  Will you go budget, moderate, or high-end?  Will you micromanage your costs, or take things as they come?  

3) The Flexibility Factor: Are you willing to compromise on destinations, expenses, and other joint decisions?  How will each of you react to a sudden change in plans?  Are you both willing to be spontaneous, or is one person more comfortable with schedules?  Is the notion of unexpected events a source of exhilaration or discord for your partnership?

4) The Teamwork Factor:  Are you willing to split, share, or delegate responsibilities?  Do you have common criterion for choosing restaurants, attractions, or activities?  Can you split tasks (such as buying train tickets or comparing hotels) in an amiable manner?  Is someone more in charge than the other person?  And if so, are you both OK with that? 

5) The Space Factor:  Do you expect to spend every moment of the trip together, or can you be independent of one another as a couple?  Are you both prepared to deal with constant companionship?  Should too much time together become tedious, can you both empathetically communicate the need to be solitary for a few hours? 

6) The Sociability Factor: How do you operate as a couple socially?  Are you seeking exclusive time together, or a broader social experience?  Do you mind company?  Are you both willing to befriend new people on the road, or will one party see that as a betrayal of the bond?

7) The Stress Factor: How will each of you deal with the physical and emotional stresses that come with travel to an unfamiliar place?  Do you creatively solve problems together, or fight about them?  Is one person willing to take up the emotional slack when the other is having a bad day? 

8) The Food Factor: Are you both willing to "go local" with cuisine, or do you prefer familiar franchise food?  Will you frequent dine-in restaurants, or buy and prepare your own meals?  Is food central to your travel experience, or just "fuel" for the broader journey?

9) The Time Factor: How will you manage your time in a new place?  Will you try and pack in a lot of activities, or be open to taking things as they come?  Will you stay out late?  Wake up early?  Do you have differing ideas of "time well-spent?"

10) The Romance Factor: Which activities do you consider romantic?  Do you prefer side-by-side time together (sightseeing, going to cultural events, etc.) or face-to-face time (talking, sharing, etc.)?  Do either of you have specific romantic expectations, or are you just spending time together to see what happens? 

As a final note, I'll reassert that — while taking your romance on the road can be revealing — no relationship is going to be seamlessly compatible.  If in doubt, don't over-think things; just get into adventures together and have a good time!