Under the Dome "Black Ice" Review: Winter Is Doming

Under the Dome S02E11: "Black Ice"

My favorite episodes of Under the Dome are the ones where a "microclimate" goes bizonkers inside the Dome, causing some sort of meteorological mayhem that's solved by either good old-fashioned American knowhow or the episode's 44-minute time limit forcing the problem to fix itself. Thankfully, in every other episode of Under the Dome, the weather gods get pissed off in one way or another and everything goes all topsy-turvy. In Season 2, we've seen a massive dust storm solved by using a hose to squirt water into the air and we've seen acid rain eliminated by using a hose to squirt water onto the ground. But where do you squirt water to fix plummeting temperatures? The residents of Chester's Mill really faced a conundrum—or maybe even a coldnundrum—in "Black Ice."

The disaster began immediately when the entire town fell victim to a cold spell. But, pray tell, how does the weather inside the Dome shift from balmy summer breezes to "Castle Black in January" in just one episode? The answer, as always, probably had something to with sound science, which meant the Youth Dome Squad was on the case! Just don't do anything stupid like touch a freezing Dome, Joe.

Joe reenacted A Christmas Story and got stuck to the Dome, which wouldn't've been too bad except that the DomeSphere started rotating, trapping his hand and threatening to pull him to a gory, crunchy death like a toddler with untied shoelaces on an escalator. But thanks to the strength of three teens, the Youth Dome Squad yanked Joe's hand free in the nick of time.

It was too late, though, because the Dome had acquired its blood sacrifice.

Rebecca the Science Teacher, please explain what was happening!

I think Rebecca the Science Teacher might be on drugs.

I didn't check the science on this, but I totally believed Rebecca the Science Teacher because she is a science teacher at a public high school. Nevermind the fact that her theory relied on the Dome rotating and the Dome didn't start rotating until Joe touched it—which was well after the temperature started to drop. You really screwed up, Joe!

Anyway, throughout the episode, Hunter was doing shady shit, like disappearing when everyone else was talking about rotating DomeSpheres. What was he doing? I'm getting very suspicious of this young eyeglasses model. He would walk into a scene like nothing had happened when he'd clearly been out gallivanting in the freezing cold or having flour fights with his coworkers at LensCrafters.

The best part of "Black Ice" was that it had a message. And that message was, "If you continue to drive gas-guzzling monster trucks to get to and fro' your errands, the world will turn into a giant ice cube because of climate change so please drive a Prius."

I actually love the idea of cars that run on electricity—it's just that every time I get stuck behind a terrible driver, he or she is inevitably driving a Toyota Prius. Why do you suck at driving, Prius drivers? Too busy daydreaming about quinoa? Actually, I love quinoa, too. Maybe I should buy a Prius? I'm going to check my Microsoft Surface tablet for some deals! Also, you know what's funny? Toyota's slogan is "We'll go places!" That's kind of a smack in the face for people who are trapped inside a Dome.

In other news, Pauline is becoming a problematic character very quickly. All she does is have boring conversations with people. She must've been in three scenes with Big Jim in this episode where she yelled at him for throwing an egg in a hole. Chill out, lady! And then she had this incredibly confusing chat with Melanie, which reunited two members of Original Youth Dome Squad. But Melanie—who had been feeling sick because the Egg was being fondled in Zenith and she's psychically connected to it—hadn't seen Pauline since Pauline threw dirt on her face and buried her.

Phew! Besties forever. Rule No. 1 of being BFFs: Always wear your half of your "Best Friends Forever" pendant. Rule No. 2 of BFFs: Let petty things like covering up your murder slide.

Meanwhile, America's most romantical couple Barbia (Barbie + Julia, for you amateur 'shippers out there) were driving an ambulance somewhere because they needed to get something. Food, I think. It's usually food in these situations. Or gas. Maybe coffee? Either way, these two lovebirds were off on their own adventure and it did not end well!

GREAT. So Barbie and Julia were stuck on a desolate road in a toppled ambulance while Old Man Winter licked his fingers outside. And to make matters worse, no one was coming for them! But the worst part was that they were almost out of gas and they'd run out of heat! Except the WORSTEST was that Julia had a "rod" sticking in her leg, which may have ruptured a major artery, so she couldn't be moved!

I don't know how that rod got there or where the rod came from, but it's an important reminder to all of us to make sure that all rods are securely fastened when operating a motor vehicle. As the temperatures dropped, a window on the ambulance shattered (seriously), so Barbie made a candle out of petroleum jelly to keep them warm (seriously). With time of the essence and the "You go save yourself" / "I'm not leaving you!" conversation really wearing thin, Barbie decided to use the elements to his advantage and let Julia succumb to hypothermia so that her heart would stop pumping and prevent her leg wound from spurting blood all over the place. Then he'd carry her to the diner in sub-zero temperatures and revive her next to a stove. It was just so crazy that it might work.

It worked! I think Barbie could've just left the rod in her leg and carried her, but whatever.

Back at the high-school-slash-MASH-unit, Big Jim decided to play hero and get some gas for the generators. But I question his sartorial choices, knowing that he was braving elements that were literally deathly freezing.

While retrieving a can of gas from one of his many stashes, he ran into Lyle, who was bobbing up and down naked in the water like a buoy. Based on all the warnings Rebecca the Science Teacher had issued, Lyle should have died instantly once he hit the lake—but instead he was totally cool! Why did Lyle pop up in Chester's Mill days after everyone else? Why did he not have any clothes on? Though I guess that second question is a private matter of Lyle's that should remain behind closed doors. What he likes to do on his own time is his business. Who hasn't wanted to rub their bare genitals on an iceberg before?

Lyle must have had frostbrain, because he kept talking about seeing visions of flames that shot a thousand feet into the air. Did he see the end of the world as prophesized by the Dome? Or were these the ramblings of a creepy barber who'd just spent the last 48 hours soaking in Arctic waters? We will probably never know because Under the Dome will probably forget this ever happened.

Big Jim saved Lyle, which made Pauline like Big Jim again, so they talked about that one football game back in high school when Jim blocked a kick. Go Mighty Mighty Woodchucks! I didn't see a point to Pauline ever opening her mouth in this episode because each conversation she had was totally pointless, but at least we found out that Big Jim was a demon on Special Teams for his high-school football team.

But how would the catastrophe of the freezing temperatures be fixed? Would Rebecca the Science Teacher build a giant microwave? Would Big Jim start a huge fire with all his gasoline? Would Barbie and Julia's love warm the world? Nope, the sun came out and the freezing just stopped.

And while everyone was distracted, sneaky Hunter snuck away again and Joe and Norrie set off in pursuit. They found him playing a game of Pass the Note with that military guy with the fancy laptop. But what was Hunter telling him? Joe and Norrie were like, "HA CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED," but Hunter said, "NO WAY DUDE! I was telling them to not mess with the Egg because it was hurting Melanie!" They all had a laugh and agreed they were being silly.

And then the Dome started contracting for no reason!

What a cliffhanger—it's actually creating a cliff! And that's it for This Week in Doming. Stay warm out there people, and remember, if you're going to submit yourself to freezing temperatures, wear a hat!

ADDEN-DOMES

– I have a theory! The Dome is sick of all these people and it's trying to kill them.

– What did you think of the science behind the Dome getting cold? Was it because the power source is gone?

– I like how Big Jim is super chill about trapping everyone inside the Dome because he threw the Egg away. He's just like, "Whatever, I did it for love."

– How excited did you get when Norrie said, "I should have just let [Big Jim] kill me"?

– R.I.P. Tom's wife who died because—if I understood him correctly—he fell asleep after building a fire. Poor Tom!

– Will someone please give Junior something to do?