Shady New Wendy's Deal Offering Five Hamburgers For Free, No Questions Asked
The fast-food chain has rolled out a suspicious new promotion selling five hamburgers for zero dollars.
Report: 14% Of Americans Now Intolerant To Word 'Gluten'
Everyone in a bustling Chinese parade is attempting to elude pursuers, newly discovered cave paintings suggest early man was battling a lot of inner demons, and a xylophonist is shredding it. It's the week of April 18, 2014.
The Onion's Tips For Getting A Good Night's Sleep
Being sleep deprived can tremendously impact your lifestyle on a day-to-day basis. Here are The Onion's tips for getting a good night's sleep.
George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere
President Bush has a new hobby -- painting! -- and he’s showing off some new watercolors of the undead Iraqi boy who lives in his nightmares.
SPONSORED: Barbed Wire Industry Protests Negative Portrayal In ‘Evil Within’ Video Game
Representatives from barbed wire advocacy groups are up in arms over the fencing material’s portrayal in a violent new video game. (Brought to you by Bethesda)
Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions, Rooms
Saying that spontaneity is key to spicing up a marriage, local couple Dale and Barbara Patterson told reporters Wednesday they’ve kept their relationship interesting over the years by bickering in a variety of different positions and even different rooms.
Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl
Researchers today took a break from bullying their colleague Carl to announce to the world that Carl is a little pansy boy and that they are sick of him.
Landmark Supreme Court Decision Lets Americans Cram Cash Directly Into Politicians' Mouths
The U.S. currency finally achieves universal suffrage, Forbes releases the 2014 list of the most punchable CEOs, and a smooth operator is also a forklift operator. It's the week of April 4, 2014.
The Onions Tips For Nailing A Job Interview
Interviewing for a new job can often be a stressful, intimidating experience. Here are The Onion's tips for nailing a job interview.
Maximize Your Brainpower By Firing Every Neuron At Once
What could you do with more brainpower? Inventor and neurologist Gene Curlew introduces a revolutionary device that unlocks the full power of the human brain.