A Viewer's Guide to the Least Successful Movies Ever

The Atlantic Wire
A Viewer's Guide to the Least Successful Movies Ever
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A Viewer's Guide to the Least Successful Movies Ever

OogieLoves and the BIG Balloon entered theaters last weekend to the worst opening weekend gross of all time, and the worst per-screen average of any movie receiving a wide release of all time. If you're stuck inside tonight, the company it keeps at the bottom of the ladder is pretty interesting. 

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First: OogieLoves is basically a technicolor acid trip through the eyes of the guy who brought you The Teletubbies. Kenn Viselman, the guy who brought you Teletubbies, is as OogieLoves producer. 

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Onto the numbers: OogieLoves scored a depressingly low $206-per-screen average in 2,160 theaters, which equals out to a $443,901 haul. The only movie to ever score a lower per-screen average in a wide or small release is this, according to Box Office Mojo:

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It opened in 750 theaters and had a $128-per-screen average. It also has Jett Jackson! 

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The list of the five worst opening weekends of all time for any movie playing in over 2,000 theaters starts with OogieLoves. If the weather is poor in your area tonight (we're looking at you, New Yorkers) we suggest finding a few of these gems on the Internet and checking them out. (So long as you still have power.) 

There's Delgo, a computer-animated mess that's a cross between John Carter and Avatar with animation from 2001.

Delgo grossed $511,920 on its opening weekend. Amazingly, you know some of the people who did voices for this clunker. Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt, Chris Kattan, Val Kilmer, Malcolm McDowell, Kelly Ripa and the recently deceased Michael Clarke Duncan all worked on Delgo.

P2 is about a girl trapped in a parking garage on Christmas eve. 

Yeah, so. This work of genius grossed $2,083,398.

Perennial second hand VHS bin staple Major League: Back to the Minors comes in at number four.

This might be the only movie Charlie Sheen could have improved. Opening gross: $2,087,011.

And then there's The Real Cancun, a masterpiece that's supposed to be like The Real World but in Cancun and like, totally uncensored. OMG! This came out when we were in Jr. High. We didn't even want to see it then. Neither did anyone else, apparently. It only grossed $2,108,796. It is so bad its trailer wasn't readily available on Youtube, which makes us think it should be ranked higher. Enjoy your bad movies, and the weather. 

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