What to Watch Tonight: The Vampire Diaries, Scandal, and the Premieres of Elementary, Mom, Two and a Half Men, and The McCarthys

What to watch on Thursday, October 30...

NEW NIGHT, 8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
Penny finds herself in a professional pickle as Big Bang Theory returns to its usual Thursday-night digs with "The Misinterpretation Agitation." (It looks like the NFL didn't mess with the show's wifi settings while it was staying here, but that nacho cheese stain on the sofa definitely wasn't there eight weeks ago.) Meanwhile, Amy and Bernadette debate whether female scientists should use their sexuality to their advantage.

8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
Elena invites Liam to join her at a corn maze party, because nothing bad has ever happened at a Mystic Falls party, good thinking Elena. Elsewhere in "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here," Caroline and Stefan clean up Enzo's mess, Tyler's werewolf curse is tested, Damon and Bonnie come upon a critical clue, and Alaric and Jo activate hero mode after an accident.

8pm, Fox
Bones
In "The Corpse at the Convention," Brennan is set to deliver the keynote address at a gathering of forensic scientists. But when a body is discovered in a stairwell—and Hodgins becomes the primary suspect—there may be too many crime-solving cooks in this kitchen. If that weren't enough on her plate, Brennan also bumps into her rival, Tess Brown.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 8:30pm, CBS
Mom
Even as Christy supports a newly sober woman (Jaime Pressley) in "Hepatitis and Lemon Zest," her fiscal fiascos put the family's living situation at risk. Bonnie, as you might imagine, is none too pleased.

SEASON 12 PREMIERE, 9pm, CBS
Two and a Half Men
A Halloween health scare has Walden seeking Alan's advice in "The Ol' Mexican Spinach." Remember, kids: Candy may be fun, but there's nothing "tricky" or "treaty" about LDL cholesterol. Ask your doctor to learn more. [The More You Know comet soars by.]

SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9pm, Lifetime
Project Runway All Stars
The designers' first challenge is to create ensembles inspired by New York's uptown or downtown scene. My undying respect will be won by whomever interprets this missive by dressing their models as the mechanics from Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" video.

9pm, ABC
Scandal
Hey, speaking of Billy Joel: "An Innocent Man" finds Olivia aiding a convicted assassin who insists he's been wrongly accused, possibly to the strains of some 1950s-doo-wop-inspired pop songs. Meanwhile, Mellie feels a kinship with a former First Lady, and Elizabeth's diabolical plan gains steam.

9pm, Fox
Gracepoint
As Jack Reinhold's past comes to light, Beth opens up to the press... perhaps motivated by the timeless message of "Tell Her About It," Billy Joel's toe-tapping tribute to emotional honesty. (Okay, that's a reach, but I'm kind of on a roll here. Let's see how long we can keep it going, shall we?)

9pm, The CW
Reign
With Greer's wedding around the corner, Catholics and Protestants are at loggerheads. (Sparking the latest conflict: the troubadour William of Joel's assertion that Catholic girls start much too late.) Elsewhere in "Blood for Blood," Bash and Leith discover a secret about Castleroy, Kenna discovers a salacious journal, and Francis discovers an unwelcome present from Henry.

9:30pm, NBC
A to Z
When Andrew and Zelda break their usual Halloween traditions to throw a joint party, Stu and Stephie feel like their besties have become the popular steadies and the king and the queen of the prom. Meanwhile in "E Is for Ectoplasm," Henry livens up Wallflower's holiday party with an appearance by Ray "Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts" Parker Jr.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, CBS
The McCarthys
In the opener of this sitcom centering on a clan of Boston sports fanatics, the family patriarch taps his athletically inept son as assistant coach of the high school basketball team. He'll have nowhere to look but inside, where we all respond to pressure.

SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10pm, CBS
Elementary
"Enough Nemesis to Go Around" finds Sherlock once again in a New York state of mind after being sacked by MI6. But before he (and his new apprentice) can resume consulting with the NYPD, he must be approved by the department's most reliable private investigator: Joan.

10pm, ABC
How to Get Away With Murder
In "Freakin' Whack-a-Mole," Annalise represents a man who was put on death row by Asher's father years earlier. Meanwhile, flash-forwards reveal Asher's whereabouts on Murder Night; and when it comes to Lila's case, honesty is mostly what Wes needs from Annalise.

10pm, NBC
Parenthood
The Luncheonette struggles to fill seats in "Too Big to Fail," possibly because the waitress is practicing politics while the businessmen slowly get stoned. While Jasmine pulls Crosby's bacon out of that particular fire, Hank and Sarah's game night falls flat and Drew tries to settle on a major.

LATE-NITE:
– Jake Gyllenhaal, Judy Greer, and The War on Drugs on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– From Austin, Spoon on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– International Rescue Committee president and CEO David Miliband on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Gordon Ramsay, Little Big Town, and Fallonventions on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 11:35pm, NBC
– Brian Williams and Perfume Genius on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Scott Foley and Smokey Robinson featuring Aloe Blacc and JC Chasez on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Zooey Deschanel, Ken Marino, and Brad Meltzer on Late Night with Seth Meyers, 12:35am, NBC
– Cedric the Entertainer and Jayma Mays on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?

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