The Weirdest Sh*t You Can Buy on eBay
Wanna feel old? eBay, the now ubiquitous internet marketplace, was founded on September 3, 1995 by Pierre Omidyar. It has been an OG internet staple, revolutionizing the way that people shop on the internet through its primarily auction-based (a.k.a. stalking your items every 20 minutes) system.
Yes, the place where you've bought used textbooks, vintage clothes, obscure records and designer (likely, fake) goods has turned 20. We're all old as f.
To celebrate, the Complex Pop squad took it upon ourselves to find some of the more, well, interesting items that eBay has to offer.
Happy shopping!
pin's official member ............(pas tres visible: pussy)......posseCategory: Collectibles
Nostalgia Factor: Medium
Starting Bid: $2.53Wow, anyone who has a deep appreciation for Leonardo DiCaprio, leading thespian of our time, and the Pussy Posse, his absurdly titled band of BFFs and lesser stars, needs this. If you've read New York Mag's "Leo, Prince of the City" multiple times like I have, you get it. Hollywood will never see an entourage this cool again, nor will the other, non-Leo members ever be as cool but man, what a moment in time. Crude crew name sure, but these scamps had Hollywood in the palm of their hands in their early 20s, can you really blame them? Does the Posse even still exist? Is there a Posse iMessage group thread on Leo, Lukas Haas, Tobey Maguire and Kevin Connolly's phones? Will Leo welcome me into the fold if I approach him with this badge? Copped.—Frazier Tharpe
Creepy Scary Evil Looking Vintage Doll Tabitha Fiberoid Sleepy Eye 16" w/KnifeCategory: Dolls & Bears
Nostalgia Factor: Some, I guess... it is an old doll
Starting Bid: $16,666.66I never really go on eBay, so I don't really have a good grip on the culture of this place but OH WHAT THE FUCK. This is what goes down here? Someone clearly trying to profit off the minimal success of The Conjuring put this dirty old doll baby up for sale and now I don't sleep at night. Let's break this down as much as possible: it's a doll with cuts all over itself and eyes that stare into the depths of your soul before devouring it—and then the owners went and TAPED A KNIFE TO ITS HAND. Pretty sure the adult version of Sid from Toy Story put this on eBay. The two best parts of the listing though: the description explaining that everyone thinks the owner of the doll is cursed for owning it, along with the obligatory sentence explaining the knife-addition and in smaller font, "please keep her;" and then of course, the listing price: $16,666.66. Get itttttt? But no, for real—five people are currently watching this item.—Andrew Gruttadaro
keep your penis clean with this soap + 1 MILLION DOLLAR BILLCategory: Everything Else
Nostalgia Factor: Haha
Starting Bid: $6.99No, this isn't at all like the scene from Coming to America (although you could probably get your lover to use this on you in the tub), but apparently you can cop "O"-shaped soap for your johnson. At $7, this seems like a lot of money (let's be frank: if you're jerking off in the shower, you can just get sudsy and use your hand for WAY less), but some freaks get inventive. Not necessarily MAD at this, but the alternatives can be much cheaper... although for anyone out there trying to get the musk off of their manhood, this would certainly do the trick.—khal
Baboon TAXIDERMY MOUNT MOUNTED FULL SITTING FLIPPING THE OFF BIRD FUNNY ODDCategory: Sporting Goods
Nostalgia Factor: Uhhh, probably none
Starting Bid: $2,499.99I've been pretty into baboons lately thanks to that businessman one that's been going around on Twitter, so I was like, "Oh hmm, I wonder how much baboon content eBay is pushing these days?" I shouldn't have done that—most of the search results for "baboon" on eBay are just flat-out baboon skulls and I really wasn't trying to learn about the online world of monkey remains trading. The only thing sketchier than buying a baboon skull is buying it from a stranger on eBay. But at least I found this item, right? This here is a stuffed baboon that some jokester of a taxidermist made, tongue sticking out, beer in hand, middle finger in the motherfucking air. This is a good baboon, the Rihanna of stuffed dead animals. If you owned this baboon, I would immediately respect your dedication to living that life, and I would probably say no as you passed me some PCP. Most monkeys don't get to be anything after they die, but this baboon got to become the sitting embodiment of SPRAAANG BRAYYYYK, and that's pretty cool. Asking price is $2,500, you say? I'll give you 35 cents.—Andrew Gruttadaro
VTG Hard plastic FULL ZIPPER FRONT TO BACK Clear diaper sissy panties M LCategory: Clothing, Shoes & Accessories
Nostalgia: Hopefully zero
Starting Bid: $34.99I honestly stumbled across this by coming up with the grossest combination of words I could think of to search on eBay, which was "vintage diaper." Because diapers, already ew, but VINTAGE? Fuck that noise. Why should my business have to make contact with an old-ass pair of… WHAT ARE THOSE? No but really, what are those? These bad boys are described as "clear diaper sissy panties," and I'm scared to ask if this is a thing that people are "into." Anyway, this fashion diaper zips all the way from the front to back, which seems not very comfortable on the crotch area (for any sex!).
Like, I'm not even sure if this is more convenient for easier access, either, if, you know, you're looking for an easier panty-dropping solution. I'm all shades of confused, but maybe I'm asking all the wrong questions about avant-garde sartorial choices. I think if maybe you wore a cute pair of normal panties underneath and housed them in this clear zipper diaper, that could be low-key cute, but finding an occasion to wear it out would be a bit difficult.—Kristen Yoonsoo Kim
Vintage Diet Crystal Pepsi Clear Soda Cola Plastic Bottle Pair 2 Liters RareCategory: Collectibles
Nostalgia Factor: The 100 emoji
Starting Bid: $50.00Not just Crystal Pepsi, mind you, but emptied, deformed Crystal Pepsi bottles, straight from your mom's attic and the nearest landfill. Pepsi introduced its Crystal formula to the soft drink market in 1992, and it notoriously bricked with consumers. The company discontinued Crystal Pepsi in 1993, less than a year into its rollout. Thankfully, you can still buy (literally) hollow reminders of bad '90s taste and this disastrous brand campaign via eBay. Too bad for you, however, if you'd prefer a New Coke—eBay is all sold out.—Justin Charity
SAILOR MOON DOLL * 1:1 REPLICA - PROP - FULL-LIFE-SIZE STATUE / FIGURE * NEWCategory: Entertainment Memorabilia
Nostalgia Factor: HUGE
Starting Bid: $1,449.00As a kid, I always wanted a My Size Barbie. I'm not sure why considering how completely creepy they are, but I was super pissed when my younger sister got one. Apparently, I wasn't creative enough as a kid because little did my Sailor Moon-loving heart realize that I could have had the best of both worlds—a MY SIZE SAILOR MOON. I'm not going to front though, this is completely horrifying for many reasons. Are Serena's fingers unable to change from their deuces-throwing stance? Where's her Sailor Scout outfit instead of these weird satin granny panties? Why does her head look like it's barely hanging onto her neck?
On the other hand, maybe I'll just stick with looking for my Delia*s Sailor Moon T-Shirt instead—an obvious 7th grade fashion hit (jk).—Kerensa Cadenas
Wallpaper Faux Vintage Red and Tan Brick Wall, Looks Real Up!Category: Home & Garden
Nostalgia Factor: Plenty, if you grew up in an alley
Starting Bid: $17.99It's so tough to find good living space in New York City, fam. It's even tougher to turn a strug apartment into something that meets the requirements for a swag NYC abode. One such thing that gets people dizzy at the housewarming is exposed brick, for whatever reason. Apparently slacking on the plaster game for your far wall is tight. But if the closet you're currently residing in doesn't have any artfully naked walls, eBay has got you covered. Feel free to set the house party FB invite now because you can throw up a wall full of Shaq at the free throw for the small price of $18 not including shipping and handling. Much less than the amount real bricks would add to your rent, nah mean?—Frazier Tharpe
Petrified 10 Year old McChicken sandwichCategory: Everything Else
Nostalgia Factor: Some maybe, but come on. Really?
Starting Bid: $1,000You know when couples/families have their weird stories they're in love with but that fall flat on anyone else's ears? That's exactly what the description is for this petrified fast food, which doesn't look all that different from non-petrified fast food. Apparently the seller procured a bag of Dollar Menu items and her husband stashed away his McChicken for later. That "later" turned into days and allegedly years before the family turned it into a "conversation piece." And by "conversation piece" they must mean an automatic question prompt followed by awkward silence and internal judgment.
Now, for the equivalent of 1,000 fresh McChickens, you can take this artifact off the hands of this family and use it for "scientific/educational purposes." Or you can just keep it moving and be glad your parents are weird but not that weird.—Ian Servantes
A Day In The Life Of My FeetCategory: Everything Else
Nostaglia Factor: NOPE
Starting bid: $20.00Do you have a foot fetish, but don't want to be that guy snapping blurry iPhone pics of unsuspecting toes while out on the beach? Don't fret! This woman currently has a listing for you to see what a day is like for her feet. Nice arch and red nail polish, ma, but I'm not sure if six photos (or a one-minute video) of what her feet are doing during any given day is really worth it. She IS taking suggestions for poses, but how well will they be considered? Can you be like "go purify your toes in the waters of Lake Minnetonka" on some Purple Rain shit and she just hops on a flight?—khal
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