Why a Money Date Makes the Best Valentine's Day Gift
If you're in a relationship, then you might be brainstorming last-minute ways to celebrate Valentine's Day. The National Retail Federation reports that on average, celebrants will spend $142.31 on candy, flowers, clothes and other items this year. The best idea, though, might be one you won't see advertised: a money date.
A money date involves sitting down with your partner and talking about your short- and long-term financial goals, including outlining specific action steps to help you achieve them. That might mean increasing contributions to your 401(k), opening up a 529 account for your child or cutting back on a luxury expense, like premium cable.
The date doesn't have to be all business, either: You can make it enjoyable by having the talk over coffee and doing something fun (and frugal) afterwards, like cooking dinner. You could also make these a new tradition by setting times to regularly review your spending and saving habits. That's what Derek and Carrie Olsen, authors of the new book "One Bed One Bank Account: Better Conversations on Money and Marriage," do. In fact, money dates have helped them grow closer.
Research suggests having "the talk" might strengthen your relationship even more than a gift of chocolate or jewelry could. A RetailMeNot survey of 1,052 Americans released last week found that 65 percent of respondents would prefer a "low-key" dinner to, say, filet mignon at a trendy restaurant for Valentine's Day. Women in particular say they'd rather stay home and order takeout compared to men.
After a meal, the second most desired gift, according to RetailMeNot, isn't expensive, and you could even make one yourself: a card. (Jewelry, tickets, flowers and electronics were less common options cited by respondents.)
Further validating these findings is a recent survey from Ebates.com, finding that partners crave a low-key date night to celebrate Valentine's Day over a splurge-worthy gift such as a smartphone or flowers.
To help make your date night double as a money talk, here are some conversation starters that pair well with that velvety glass of merlot:
1. Do you know each other's credit histories?
If you've already made a big purchase together, like a house, then you've probably already uncovered any dirty laundry in your partner's past. But if you've yet to meet that kind of milestone, then it's time to talk about credit histories. After all, one person's financial baggage can become the other's, too.
2. Do you like having separate or joint accounts?
The Olsens prefer to share one account, but some couples, especially older couples who bring significant assets and financial responsibilities (like children) into the marriage, think it's easier to keep accounts separate. As long as you both agree, you can make either approach work.
3. Do you share the same long-term goals?
When Ellen Rogin, author of "Picture Your Prosperity: Smart Money Moves to Turn Your Vision into Reality," brainstormed about goals using images with her husband, she was surprised to hear about his dream of going on a trip to the Caribbean with other couples. Despite nearly reaching their 30-year anniversary, she had never heard him express that before. After he voiced it, they were able to start planning their vacation.
4. Who's in charge of what?
Research from UBS Wealth Management Americans , a financial services firm, suggests that couples tend to be more confident and satisfied with their finances if both parties share responsibility for managing money instead of delegating the task to one person. Even if one person is the investing buff or is more competent at bill paying, consider sharing those duties.
5. Do you have any secrets?
Even if you have separate bank accounts, keeping spending secrets can spell relationship strife and even signal a potential shopping addiction. The Olsens suggest checking with each other before making purchases above a certain amount, like $100, and giving each other an agreed-upon cash allowance(for the Olsens it's $50) to spend freely.
If having money talks help reduce friction in your relationship, make them a new Valentine's Day tradition.
