Wife In The Dark About Affairs Wants Husband To Shed Light

A family friend is dying from the HIV her husband brought to her from another woman. Get out now! Run as fast as you can. You might save your life.

The first question to ask and get an answer is "Did you use safe sex?", then whatever the answer, consult with your gynecologist anyway.
If your husband didn't use safe sex, forget about your love for him and leave. A man (or a woman) bedding three women (or men) without using safe sex is stupid, a married man (or woman) doing the same is a potential killer who doesn't love you enough to take the steps necessary to protect you and your health.

LW1--So your husband lied to you, cheated on you, kept secrets, and now refuses to talk about it and acts like the injured party if you push? Honey, are you sure he's not still cheating on you? And do you really want to maintain that kind of marraige? At best, he sounds manipulative, immature, and selfish--and, like Abby said, completely unrepentant. If he's not truly remorseful, he'll probably cheat again. Consult a counselor and a good lawyer, not an advice columnist.

LW2--If anyone is offended that you simply do not have time to complete their project; they are the one with a problem. THEY are imposing on YOU; you have the right to set limits. And DO charge for your time, especially when it is "volunteered" to strangers. Doing otherwise undervalues your time and effort.

LW#1.It sure looks to me like your husband is trying to shift the blame of his infidelity to you when he says you'll push him away with questions.. It's like the man who slaps his wife and says she made him do it.. I know you are hurting, but you need to think long and hard if you even want him in your life because he doesn't sound sorry in the least. Good luck.

It's not up to a spouse that's cheated to suddenly dictate and demand and control how things will be handled after that. Who is he to say what questions you can have answered, or ANYTHING after that point? That type of attitude is exactly why he's cheated; "I'm going to do what I want and you are just going to accept it and if you don't, YOU'RE the one who has failed." He sounds like a self-important, callused, entitled, lying piece of ... Affairs are bad enough but this attitude would be a major deal breaker for me. Just demanding that your feelings on the matter go away so he doesn't need to deal with them or with you are not acceptable. Forget counseling and see an attorney.

I sew, and absolute love to and have done it for many, many years. At one time I used to make clothes for my daughter when she was small and if and when the mood struck I would sew for friends children. When I made things for fun because I wanted to I never expected to be paid.
But there came a time when family especially wanted me to make them very specific things. One year my aunt and uncle were traveling to Australia and my aunt asked if I would make her some reversible wrap around skirts and I did so. She never offered to pay and didn't even bring me a souvenir!
After things like this happened more than a few times, I started charging. If I offered I didn't charge of course, but if I was asked then I expected to be paid. And Abby's right, they start asking less and less. Which left me happy and with more time to do what I wanted. And don't feel bad about it they may try to guilt you and such but stick to your guns. For me it was a bit harder as I was a stay at home mom, so they all figured I had the time. But the time was mine to do with as I wanted to not for someone else to dictate what they thought I could or should be doing. My aunt and uncle were very surprised when many years later I was asked to make the flower girls dress for a cousins wedding and I agreed but told them the total was x amount half up front and the remainder due when it was done. That was the last time they ever asked.

I just want to say, I dare my hubby to have affairs with 3 different women and then tell me me to forget about it. He'd forget about it because I'd bash his brains in. There. I feel better now.

#1 Stop asking your hubby all those questions before you drive him away. Tase him instead. A good dose of 50,000 volts and he will sing like a canary. Than you can drive him away.

LW1 - I say push him away - you'll be better off.
LW2 - Does nobody in your entourage gets that you are a working mother - (a synonym for a super busy, multi-tasking human being) ? Don't let them ruin your precious "you" time and a hobby it sounds like you once enjoyed...

(I) would kick Him to the curb...Believe Me, He is never going to stop cheating. He is trying to make out like it is Your fault? Please just hand Him His walking papers...You will be glad later!

Burned-out, CHARGE FOR YOUR WORK AND YOUR TIME. Don't let freeloaders undervalue your life.

IN PAIN -- dump the cheating SOB. These affairs are ones you know about, I'd bet even money there have been others - and he's threatening to leave you? GOOD! Call his bluff and get him out of your life.

And Abby's right. Get tested for STDs and send HIM the bill.

Get a lawyer. And get half of any savings out of the bank now, before he does.

Good answer on LW#1. There's always a chance for reconciliation but leaving the betrayed spouse in the dark is NOT the way to do it. The wayward spouse has to do EVERYTHING to help the betrayed spouse "move on". Even if it means being totally honest with everything that happened and possibly loosing the betrayed spouse. A true repentatnt wayward spouse will let the betrayed spouse go through those emotions and support that spouse every step of the way.

LW 1 - My guess - he's either still cheating or he doesn't want you to know who he cheated with because they aren't strangers to you. Or both. You might get the shock of your life & find out they're your friends or your relatives. It happens. He doesn't sound like a good candidate for rehabilitation, regardless.

LW 2 - You have to just start saying no. It gets easier fast. Just start saying it. You don't owe anyone a fancy explanation. Just say you aren't available. Make something up if you feel you have to. This goes in the little white lie category for me. If people are rude enough or clueless enough to keep pushing the issue after you decline, they deserve what they get, which is whatever answer it takes to shut them up.

Your in pain because you are married to a reckless man! Get your head out of the sand and into reality! Spend some time in his work place and take notice to any buzzing. Chances are he has disgraced you there and everyone knows it. These type are as stupid as they come and you will find out that he #$%$ in his own workplace. He might even be gay. Hire a PI to give you information on his behavior and the dirt balls that he beds. You need to protect yourself from him and the dirty ones he lays with. he will never change and where there is 3 other women, there are 9. When he is ready to self destruct, there will be a rapid decent. Make a plan and suck him dry before you turn him over to his evil ways.

LW#2: It might feel awkward to "suddenly" accept money for something that you have been doing without pay, but these people are taking advantage of your kindness and talent. I've been really irritated lately because every group I seem to participate in seems to assume I'll take charge and organize their junk/whip everything into shape/plan, etc. I finally pointed out that if the group were a company, I would be hired full time to do what they were asking. Just because something is a hobby or talent doesn't mean it should be given away for free. Maybe if you charge and make enough money, you can quit your physical job and be self-employed.

LW#1. Have an affair yourself....

Listen up y'all! You should be lucky u tots a hubby. Look at Casey Anthony. She don't got no hubby! Be sadzz

I know you are troubled.....Hurt.....Better yet.......don't bother asking any questions.....ingore him.........Call me........Smile....

people who murder kids or anyone should move to Florida, they can get away with murder there!

LW1 - I think your husband is actually pushing you to continue to hound him so he can then use you as the excuse because, after all, he did warn you that if you keep asking questions you'll just push him away. See how that works? It becomes your fault. It's a lot like a wife beater who blames the wife because she made him mad and he had no choice. Your husband is a douche canoe. Get counseling to figure yourself out so you can leave this pretend man. Stop asking cuz he's just going to lie to you anyway. Do not invest any more of your energy on this. Spend your energy on yourself.

You can also send me a self addressed stamped envelope along with a check or money order for $6 and I’ll send you my booklet, “What the heck is a ‘douche canoe’ and how to get rid of one.”.