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YOUR FRIENDS' ACTIVITY

    Wife Performing In Sex Tape Doesn't Know She's A Star

    By Abigail Van Buren | Dear Abby – Wed, Sep 14, 2011

    DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and it is a wonderful marriage. We love each other very much, never argue and get along great. We have a 2-year-old child.

    Recently I found a "sex tape" online of my wife with the guy she dated before me. This video was taken without her knowledge and is from 13 years ago, Because of this, I am not upset about it.

    My question is, should I bring this to her attention, and if so, how? I feel she needs to know it's out there. I'm reacting to this as a man would. I don't know how a woman would react. Please help. -- IT'S PRIVATE

    DEAR IT'S PRIVATE: Although there are no sex tapes of me floating around, I can tell you from a woman's perspective that if there was one (and the lighting was unflattering), I'd be furious. Your wife has a right to know, so don't keep her in the dark.

    P.S. How did you come across that video? I'm sure she will be interested to know.

    DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, my husband of 30 years became distant. He didn't want to touch me, talk to me or spend time with me. I was devastated.

    An old boyfriend emailed me to offer condolences on the death of my brother. There were just chatty emails at the beginning, about our lives and how we had gone such separate ways in 40 years. The emails started becoming more intimate, as I was fed by his seeming "love" for me. He told me I was his "soul mate" and I fell for it. I took risks to see him, eventually slept with him and lied to everyone I know in the process.

    Recently my husband came across an email from the past boyfriend. My secret was out and the truth was ugly. I had betrayed God, my husband, my mother and my four beautiful children. My husband no longer trusts me and wants a divorce.

    Abby, please tell your readers to think long and hard before acting out of loneliness. It doesn't just affect the husband and wife; it also has an impact on the entire family, circle of friends and standing within the community. -- ADULTEROUS WIFE IN FLORIDA

    DEAR WIFE: How sad that you didn't get to the bottom of your husband's distancing before it led to you having an affair. But before you allow your husband to place all the blame on your shoulders, you should make it your business to learn the reason for his behavior -- since "everything" is now out in the open.

    DEAR ABBY: I love my husband and, for the most part, we get along great. My only complaint is he stays neutral when someone hurts my feelings.

    The latest incident involved good friends of ours until the wife hurt me for the last time. She has a history of inviting me out, even talking me into changing my plans, then ditching me if something better comes along. This last time, I was invited to her house, only to learn (as I'm walking out the door) that she had left for the evening. I've had enough! I gave her as many chances as I did only because my husband said I "overreact" and shouldn't let it be a big deal.

    This isn't the first time he has chosen not to validate my feelings. The fact that my husband is never on my side hurts me more than what my "friend" has ever done. Am I right? -- GETS NO SUPPORT IN AZUSA, CALIF.

    DEAR GETS NO SUPPORT: Your husband may not want to be caught in the middle of a disagreement between two women, but that's no reason for him not to tell you your feelings are appropriate when they are justified. He may be good friends with the husband, but the wife has shown she's not much of a friend to you. Real friends don't stand each other up if something "better" comes along. Her behavior is rude and insensitive, and I don't blame you for being offended.

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

     
    • BID
      BID  •  8 days ago
      DEAR ITS PRIVATE: It is always a trying time when you find out about a loved ones tainted past. On further examination it becomes apparent that your discovery on the internet was obtained by deviant means. Furthering your contemptuous debauchery, you mask your tribulation as one in which you should confront her because you would be doing it in the name of, 'something she should know'. You scurry through the internet for pornography in your secret world of perversion. I must inform you that bringing up someone's past after pledging loving devotion is the grotesque expression of your malformed psyche. You are no hero. And, in fact, a horribly disingenuous person.
      Yours Truly,
      Abby.
    • Muhammad Jameel
      Muhammad Jameel  •  Dubai, United Arab Emirates  •  28 days ago
      i think forgive her & destroy the tape.....also don,t inform her about...look ahead.
    • Chad
      Chad  •  1 mth 22 days ago
      your wife sure knows how to pick em...real winner you got there champ
    • D J
      D J  •  2 mths ago
      I found one of my ex-wife about 6months ago.
      I am pretty sure we were married at the time.
    • Tracy
      Tracy  •  Honolulu, Hawaii  •  4 mths ago
      so a rude awakening for the husband trolling porn to find his trampy wife on line in a former life
    • Loveday
      Loveday  •  4 mths ago
      What is done cannot be undone. On whether you will tell her or not depends on your intention in the marriage. But had sex with any girl of any kind before your marriage? what if it was taped and shown to your wife as what you did in13 yrs ago, would you not with a wave of hand discharge it as one of those things you did before marriage? Its just the same way, your wife did it when she had no view of you and as such should be treated as past. Dont tell her if you want peace, it will earn you nothing.
    • Eustace Njeru
      Eustace Njeru  •  4 mths ago
      Its better to keep it to yourself bcz what passed is done and no need to bring it now.That was that time and now is another time.
    • jonah
      jonah  •  Nairobi, Kenya  •  4 mths ago
      I do not think you should keep it secret to yourself anymore. Please have the courage and tell her. It could be fun for her to remember of the past.
    • Ogungbayi Samson
      Ogungbayi Samson  •  Lagos, Nigeria  •  5 mths ago
      You should know that. a secret covered will ruin the relation eventually if it comes out. So let your wife know everything.
    • Samuel
      Samuel  •  Lagos, Nigeria  •  5 mths ago
      This could be a Difficult decision as a human, cos it wasn't easy it is. but nevertheless, you can always overcome it by over looking the situation if only you truly found positive changes in her. And if you know, you can not..! better still let go...! Cos man, hummmm..! you need to leave a long life and to avoid never to be the GREATEST Thinker of your time....! Only you knows what's best for you.
    • Evans
      Evans  •  Lilburn, United States  •  5 mths ago
      If she acted in a porn then she is a pornstar and if u didnt want to marry a pornstar then u have to know u have one in your house.The problem is that you cant blame her coz she acted and you are the customer who is addicted to watching sex tapes.If u tell her u will have to explain how u knew it unless u are customer of the pornstars.lol
    • Poppi
      Poppi  •  Mobile, United States  •  6 mths ago
      What makes him so sure she doesnt know about the tape? Maybe he just "hopes" she doesnt know, if he hasnt brought it to her attention yet he has no idea if she knows about the tape or not. Many American women dream of being porn stars, maybe she was living out her fantasy and isnt the sweet little girl he thinks she is.
    • chairman
      chairman  •  Freetown, Sierra Leone  •  5 mths ago
      I believe thats the past, though its at times burning seeing ur own wife in that situation. But remember that u did the same to another man's wife b4 u got married to this woman u've now seen on text tape. Pls forgive her and forge ahead for the better.
    • tony bamidele
      tony bamidele  •  Lagos, Nigeria  •  5 mths ago
      old things are past away,just repent and sin no more,let ur husband know about your past situation i know he we surely forgive you
    • Marian
      Marian  •  Nairobi, Kenya  •  6 mths ago
      what has done can never be undone, just forgive her and forget about the past. In-fact i will advice to destroyed that tape.
    • Speakout
      Speakout  •  Salisbury, United States  •  6 mths ago
      That was her past and should be a past. It was something she did before you met her, I know it may hurt you seeing another man enjoying your wife in the tape which might refresh in your mind as something present but you should just get over it and move ahead. Also I think it is appropriate to let your wife know about the tape and whatever source it came from.
    • tunde
      tunde  •  5 mths ago
      Talk about the ugly past coming back to haunt. Folks, be more careful in your day-to-day dealings. n my part of the universe, the woman is a disgrace t her husband, herself and everyone who associates with her
      • trynos
        trynos 5 mths ago
        you are right my Dear
    • Cristina
      Cristina  •  Makati City, Philippines  •  6 mths ago
      well well well....thats wat he need to do.. past should be past,, nothing to worry about^__^
    • Cristina
      Cristina  •  Makati City, Philippines  •  6 mths ago
      hmmm....well very good , he must be understanding..
    • piwang
      piwang  •  6 mths ago
      The husband is in a worse spot than the wife, she didnt know about it whereas her hasband seems to have a tendancy for porn :) how ironic
     Post a comment
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