DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. When we married, we both drank and smoked. My husband quit smoking five years ago, and I have continued to smoke off and on. If he catches me with a cigarette it becomes an argument, and it's either I quit or we're done!
I love my husband, but I find it difficult to be honest about this. I don't see the big deal if I smoke a cigarette. He sometimes makes me feel like a teenager hiding it from my parents! Any advice? -- CLOSET SMOKER IN WISCONSIN
DEAR SMOKER: Surely you know that smoking isn't good for you, and it upsets your husband because he loves you. This is less about a contest of wills than the fact that you are addicted to nicotine and can't stop using.
You're an adult, not a naughty teenager, so stop acting like one. The cigarette is not your friend; your husband is. When you're finally ready to see it that way and overcome the habit, your physician can help you.
If you won't do it for yourself, understand that after a former smoker has quit, the smell of secondhand smoke is extremely offensive. Or worse, it can tempt the former smoker to resume.
DEAR ABBY: My mom has no respect for my privacy. When something happens in my life, she shares it with all my relatives despite my repeatedly having asked her not to. She has a website where she rehashes nearly every moment of my life spent with my family and posts all of my pictures.
When I mention to her that I would like my privacy respected, she gets upset and calls me ridiculous. I agree that I'm probably demanding more privacy than normal, but I don't feel she has a right to disseminate information about me if I ask her not to. How can I get her to stop? -- WANTS MY PRIVACY
DEAR WANTS YOUR PRIVACY: Your mother may be posting your pictures and details of your life because she has been doing it for years. If you're a teenager, please realize that your mom may do this because she's proud of you. However, if you are an adult and no longer live under her roof, a way to get her to pull back, if not stop completely, would be to share less information with her.
DEAR ABBY: Since I was a teenager I have always had an appreciation of and love for anything vintage. When my mother wasn't able to sell her white milk-glass items in a rummage sale, I asked if I could please have them to display in an antique china cabinet. My husband and I have admired the pieces, and I love knowing that they were once my mother's.
My brother, who has never had any interest in vintage items and has a home that looks like a hoarder lives there, wants one of the pieces because of an old picture of him near the piece. I guess he must be feeling nostalgic. Mother feels I should give it to him since he wants it.
I am torn as to why I must part with the piece to just be placed in a box -- or worse. We enjoy all of the pieces and I'm feeling selfish. What should I do? -- APPRECIATES ANYTHING VINTAGE
DEAR A.A.V.: Listen to your mother. The milk glass was hers to begin with. It won't hurt you to let that one piece go, and the reason your brother would like to have it seems valid. Surely family harmony is as important to you as your glass collection.
Because you are having difficulty letting go, let me help you. One, two, three -- GIVE!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
- Family & Relationships
- DEAR ABBY