Woman Frowns At Sisters' Passion For Plastic Surgery

I am extremely surprised by how flippant Abby was with regards to the plastic surgery letter.
The woman told her kids she would pay to have their faces cut on, and her only response is that maybe the mother has self confidence issues?
Way to drop the ball, Abby.
No mother should ever take her self-esteem issues out on her children.

If a guy ever asked his friends to spend too much money in order to be in his wedding, the friends would say something along the lines of "F off you idiot". Everyone would laugh and the groom would make other plans. Why can't women talk to each other?

Maybe cosmetic surgery and Botox etc. are a good thing for some people, I don't know. What I do know is that I have seen sooooo many famous people who have had it and end up looking like aliens from Mars. I'd rather have a few lines and sags than look like something from a horror movie.

"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!"

Dolly Parton

LW1 - Abby has missed the boat here. It's not the dishonesty that's offending her. It's the insensitivity. Her friends' loud compliments to one another serve to denigrate anyone who hasn't aged as well (with or without surgical assistance), and the sister who offered to pay for nose jobs for her children insulted them gravely by doing so. I can relate to her children; my mother got plastic surgery and orthodontia for minor issues in me that were not actually causing structural problems, and even had me evaluated for an entirely unnecessary jaw surgery because "you look like a horse". Bless his soul, the surgeon quite frankly told her that it was completely unnecessary. Today, she denies she ever said that, but it still stings, almost twenty years later.

LW1 noticed these hurtful comments and recognized them for what they were. Abby didn't, and I'm surprised at that.

I find it abhorrent for a mother to suggest plastic surgery to her perfectly healthy children. If there is no medical condition warranting it, stop laying your self esteem issues on your children. My 9 year old daughter recently commented on her "fat belly". I was horrified. I know she probably is copying my behavior, which means I need to stop talking down about myself. Now I make sure to constantly tell her how beautiful she is, and I've tried to stop complaining about my own body. Now, having said that, if someone offered me a free tummy tuck? Heck yeah I'd take it, there's some things that are harder to fix after having kids for sure.

I am SO SICK of the wedding issues, there seem to be no end of them! There seem to be more problems with weddings than any other area of life or in the world! Unbelievable.

LW#1: You wrote to a person who lives in Beverly Hills questioning the relevance of plastic surgery???

Abby could have saved face (pun intended!) by agreeing that plastic surgery has indeed helped many self-esteems in terms of people disfigured by accidents or nature. As a nurse, I am sad to say I have seen faces that will never be the same due to cancerous tumors, growths, burns, and abuse, and few insurance companies will pay to help restore any of these, considering the surgery "cosmetic". The prevalence of cleft lip/palate and a condition called craniosynostosis, where the sutures of the skull fuse prematurely in growing infants, have been blessed by the hands of skilled plastic surgeons. So to put yourself under the knife for the sole purpose of "my self-esteem is hurting" is frivolous at best. Michael Jackson, Priscilla Presley, and Marie Osmond I think all represent people who were beautiful just the way they were. Abby really missed the ball on this one...

My mom has told me that she would pay for me to have my boobs reduced. Before I had kids I was a nice C cup after kids I am a big DD. They get in the way of everything and they are killing my back. Plastic surgery is for looks and in some cases for functionality. Now the wedding thing. With my wedding, I had a very small group, just one bridesmaid, one groomsman, a flower girl and a ring bearer. I paid for their outfits, because I did not want to place the burden on them, and I told them from the very beginning that I was going to do this. Abby is right if you don't tell her she will never know. And as an old saying goes "Knowing is half the battle" Yo Joe. LOL

Both letters reflect the superficial nature of some people. The bride puts too much emphasis on her wedding and the sisters put too much emphasis on appearances. Most of us don't care what a wedding looks like or what other people look like.

Why, why, WHY am I not surprised to hear LW#1 is in California? I was born and raised in Orange County and got the heck out when I turned 24. My heart goes out to those poor children - nothing feels worse than being put down by your own mother, especially where looks are concerned.

LW#1 A parent should NEVER suggest plastic surgery to their child unless it is something seriously malformed or something, but in those cases DRs usually bring it up. If you have a healthy child they should be beautiful forever in your eyes. This is why young teenage rich girls are RUINING their bodies by "fixing" things like boob jobs and noses before they are even done developing. Just because at 15-16 you have an A/B cup doesn't mean that by 21-25 you wont be a C/D naturally! Have patience and trust that you are beautiful no matter what your age is. God doesn't make mistakes and you dont NEED to be fixed. I am all for GROWN ADULTS treating themselves reasonably. That mother that gained a lot of weight with her kids and finally suceeds at losing it only to be left with sagging breast and extra skin sometimes expecially at the lower belly if there was a C-section, if she can afford it and wants it GO FOR IT! But don't get wrapped up in recreating yourself or trying to beat the clock and look as young as possible.FYI I am 27 and those women who are 50 and trying to pull off daisy dukes and skimpy tube tops: You Look RIDICULOUS!! Also as a mother who has had to lose a child to Heaven, to ridicule and to tell these kids they need to be fixed(which is what she is basically saying to them and thus setting them up for selfesteem issues and YEARS of therapy) is HORRIBLE!! Shame on this mom! My son was a live one year on constant oxygen, feeding tubes, a dozen meds, he had cerebral palsy, his head was small for his body because his brain didn't develop properly and shrank as he was alive, and he was blind. He was the MOST HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL BOY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!! This mom should be counting her blessings and filling her childrens lives with love and acceptance and safety, NOT this. I applaud the writer for NOT FIXING WHAT ISNT BROKE!! <3

LW#2: It really bothers me that weddings are such a big deal, but the commitment to marriage is a thing of the past. I recently went to a very large wedding that must have cost more than $60,000, but the bride and groom split 10 months later. The only important part of a wedding is who you say your vows to.

My husband and I got married at the courthouse by a judge. The cost for us to get married was $50.00. We both wore our everday clothes. There was no stress at all. We are still happily married 10 years later. We thought it was more important to spend our money on our marriage, not our wedding.

Wedding has gotten sooooo out of control. As a happily divorced woman I decided quite some time ago that if I marry again, it'll either be a simple affair at a local beach or an elopement. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding!

LW#1: People are carried away with media-imposed standards of beauty. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. The media goes overboard making people feel inferior because they do not have a certain look. Some people's looks improve as they mature. As the actor Robert De Niro, who by all accounts has not had plastic surgery, says, "Be proud of who you are." He has also said, "Getting old is a natural thing. And you’d better embrace it, ‘cause you’ve got no choice.”

LW#2: Tell your friend that the resposibilities and cost of being in the bridal party are too much for you. She will find another way of having you be part of her wedding.

1 - I opted for cosmetic surgery when the 'girls' were entering a room 5 minutes before I did.

For people who are disfigured or deformed, plastic surgery can be a blessing. However, so many people today turn to surgery to "fix" minor issues--if a person truly feels the need to turn to a potentially life-threatening surgery to look younger or tweak minor problems, then their true issues are more than skin-deep. For those types of issues, surgery is a bandaid, not a cure; which is why people can become addicted to plastic surger. No matter how much they "fix," they will still see something wrong with themselves, as they try to treat poor self-esteem by changing themselves to fit into some idealized and unrealistic mold, rather than improving their self-esteem from within. And while some people are capable of having minor surgery and then simply moving quietly on with their lives, people like the LW's sister and friend, who feel the need to publicly announce their surgeries and even offer to pay for surgery for others, are clearly preoccupied with their looks to an obsessive degree. As for offering to pay for her children's nose jobs when they were perfectly happy with their looks--that was more than inappropriate, that was cruel. She was complimenting herself by insulting her children.

She "requires" her bridesmaids to go with her? They're bridesmaids, not employees! If you don't go, then what? She'll "fire" you from the wedding? Bridezilla obviously has nothing else in her life to keep her busy and if she wants to go to all these shows and have lunch, she's more than welcome to INVITE bridesmaids along, but nothing and that means absolutely nothing outside of necessary fittings and one rehearsal should be required of anyone. Tell her that and stick to your guns. Maybe if more bridesmaids stood up for themselves these ridiculous circuses would come to an end - or we just wouldn't have any bridesmaids altogether. Both sound like good options.