Woman Torn By Health Issues Yearns To Feel Whole Again

LW#2: I've had that problems with a selfish self-absorbed parent (dad) too. We threw a 40th Birthday garden and BBQ party, but did encourage people to bring their kids. We recently remodelled our kitchen and have a fridge with a TV built into it. Several pepole were hanging around and playing with it since it's a novelty. We were having a good time until one of the parents pulled me aside and said I'd have to turn my TV off because his son isn't allowed to watch TV.
Maybe I just "don't understand" since I don't have kids, but I was just flabbergasted at the audacity of the parent to think the whole party at my house revolves around his rules. Needless to say, that parent will never be invited back to our place.

LW2 - Not only at special occasions should the "adult only" theme should be respected. Just use common sense. I used to belong to a therapy group for ladies who had survived domestic violence. Sometimes a lady would bring a child because she could not get a sitter. Although we sympathized with her, none of us could speak freely because the experiences that we wanted to share with the group were often too graphic for a child to be overhearing. Many of us sometimes enjoyed a good cry to clear the air but was not comfortable doing so in fear of frightening the child.
Sometimes, out of respect for everyone else, missing out for yourself is the most responsible thing.

2. Well, my guess is mommy learned a lesson. Stay at home, try harder to find a sitter or leave the party the second you see this is going to be a wild event. And I must say I'm glad those guests didn't hold back just because somebody puts in a request to "sanitize" the event.

Dear Military Member,
We are very similar except I went almost completely bald. Ask your primary care physician to give you a referral to behavioral medicine so you can talk through the matter. I have conceded that my hair will not be growing back so I wear a wig. I also lost my eyebrows and eye lashes. I had to learn how to apply makeup without looking like a clown or a mannequin. I can no longer run or walk very far so I had to learn how to swim to pass my APFT. It takes some time to get used to your new appearance and decrease fitness level but it can be done. I actually feel better about myself now because I was able to get through all of it. You know what we say in the military, Adapt and Overcome. I made it through and you can too. Good Luck.

LW#2 Was right on!! I would like to extend her comments to those parents who also bring their young toddlers to "scary', "sci-fi" and "slasher" films. It broke my heart to be in the theater one night when a little girl about 5 or 6 was screaming hysterically to leave the theater and the mother just kept telling her to "shut up". If that child is not scarred for life it will be a miracle.

LW2 - Thank you for your letter. This goes for nice restaurants as well. If your kid can't stay at your table and behave and be engaged with the family then stay home.

We have block parties in my neighborhood about 3 times a year. It’s a very eclectic group of people and we have two families with grade school age kids. They always come and bring the kids and we have a great time with them but after a couple of hours one of the parents takes all the kids home and do kid things and the rest of us party like grown ups. We love these people!!

LW2, Thank you, thank you, thank you, for stating so succinctly on such a blatant faux pas. And I want to give credit to the host of the birthday party for not bending to her unreasonable demands. I feel sorry for the child though. If this is how she is taught to behave, she won't know any better and will do the same thing with the next generation.

LW#2: I hosted a Super Bowl party last year and as you can see from my icon I am huge Steelers fan. Party was Adults Only. My roommate's 16 yr. old had to leave the house but right before kick off people showed up with their 13yr old grandkid. I said I would not sensor myself or anyone else if they chose to stay. Then the 16yr old demanded to stay. So about mid way through the first qtr I let a stream of words fly that would make a sailor blush. Someone at the party (not the father or grandparents) tells me to watch me mouth. IN MY OWN HOME. I told that person they could leave. I could understand if I went to watch football at Chuckie Cheese but never in my own home will I be hushed.

I can top the stupid parent story. Some twit brought a newborn in a baby carrier to an elite formal ball. Many CEO's were at that event.

She may be depressed but if he's walking behind or in front of her she's not imagining things.

L#2 As a mother of three......I have to agree. Parents need to be responsible for their kids. And we owe it to them not to expose them to things because we want to party.

Yep I've missed some in the past......it never bothered me either. This was a part of being a parent I accepted when I had kids and they are worth missing out on somethings. They grow up and our time to just go when ever or where ever will return.....My children are worth it. I just want to say wow to the mom that took her daughter.

RE LW2- I would never take my children to an adults only event. If I can't find a baby sitter then either I or my husband or both of us stay home. I agree with the LW, Parents take the responsibility to have children and they have to accept everything that goes with it.

#2- I also don't understand parents who think "adults only" requests are for everybody else-not them. . Guess what, not everybody thinks the kids are as smart and darling as the parents might believe. I've seen kids be rude, trying to interrupt and monopolize conversations. They do it at home, so they think they can do it elsewhere.

LW1, thank you for your service. It sounds like you went above and beyond and I have a lot of respect for that degree of sacrifice and commitment. Now please find both a doctor and a partner who won't brush you off. You deserve so much better.

I went to a sneak preview of a movie last week, which, although it didn't have a lot of bad language, definitely had a lot of situations that a 2 year old wouldn't understand. So instead of being able to enjoy the movie with my friends, I had to be subjected to a toddler babbling throughout the movie and kicking the back of my seat. Her excuse? "It's a public place." Yeah? Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. I complained to the manager as soon as I could.

I never understood why people bring their kids to adult parties. When mine were young, I didn't want to party with them unless a birthday cake with fewer than 16 candles was involved. People who can have a ripping good time at rowdy grown-up events when their kids are in the room are warped. And those who expect an entire evening to shift gears just because they didn't have the good manners to stay home are right up there with bridezillas, vegetarians who expect holiday dinners to be catered around their eating habits, and old guys who run nekkid through the Walmart.

Similar to #2, I go crazy when I'm at the movie theatre, it's late at night and the movie is rated R and some idiots bring their 5 year old in.

it's not just adult only parties - people bring kids to all kinds of places that shouldn't host children. awhile ago i attended a scrapbooking retreat with 40 other women, mostly all 30-65 yrs old. these events are a chance for adult ladies to talk, laugh, gossip, and have fun for a weekend away from home, husbands and family. and let me tell you, we ladies can have some wildly funny adult conversations that aren't appropriate for kids. some of the ladies also enjoy a drink from the hotel bar. at this event, one of the ladies brought her 12 yr old daughter. i can only say that she got an ear full... and having her there made some women very uncomfortable. truthfully, i didn't feel the need to monitor my conversation- this young girls mother and grandmother were sitting right there with her. if they didn't remove her from the area when things got rowdy, then i don't see why the rest of us should have to parent the child. her mother knew what to expect when she signed up for the event, and the other ladies all paid to be there. bowling alleys, pool halls, adult events... it's up to the parent to be responsible and leave the kids at home. don't ask everyone else to parent for you.

LW#2... we are surrounded these days by self-entitled people who feel that they can do whatever they bloody-well want and everyone else can go to h-e-l-l. Here in Vancouver a year or so ago, at an open air theatre that does Shakespeare plays each year, the tickets clearly state no children under the age of 10 I believe, someone brought an infant. Said infant of course started crying and she was asked to leave. WELL! She was in the papers the next day complaining that she wasn't allowed to breastfeed... blah blah blah, poor me. OY! Why should everyone in the theatre, including the actors, have to deal with a crying baby because YOU feel entitled enough to ignore the rules! The blogs were vehemently opposed to this woman and her demands and supported the theatre. Peeps.. "no kids" means NO KIDS!

Letter #2 was spot on the money. That was well-written and well put. There are plenty of "family-friendly" events that children ARE welcome at. Don't bring your kids to something not meant for kids! Adult-themed parties, super gory or racy movies, boring political events (where there will be lots of "boring" speeches) or commencement parties, where again, there will be lots of "boring" speeches.
In those instances, the grown ups come there to socialize with other grown ups and they did NOT pay good money and dress in their nice clothes just to hear your child wail or complain about how bored they are, or just run around the room distracting everybody.
Please- help the economy and employ a sitter!