How you'd love to troll your Trump-supporting family this Thanksgiving and what to say instead

Happy Turkey Day everyone, and welcome to the worst Thanksgiving of your life.

Beloved KKK-darling Donald Trump has been officially elected president of the United States of America, promising to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, put law-abiding Muslims on a registry and destroy our enemies at Hamilton. For people who voted for Clinton, going home to visit their Trump-supporting parents this Thanksgiving is an exercise in torture — and yet somehow they still need to find a way to talk to them about the election.

SEE ALSO: 6 vegetarian Thanksgiving mains even carnivores crave

Of course, it's too late to change Trump-supporters' vote, but it's on anti-Trumpers to respectfully challenge them on their attitudes, help curb the wave of hate violence currently sweeping the nation and prepare for 2018. And no, they can't do it by calling them racist misogynistic morons — science says that just doesn't help.

Below is a guide of everything Clinton folks want to scream at their Trump-supporting relatives this Thanksgiving — and what they should say instead.

1. THEY SAY: "I voted for Trump because I'm really worried about Muslims and terrorism."

YOU THINK: "LEARN A FACT PLEASE. ONE FACT. Do you not know that white extremists have committed more terrorist attacks than Jihadists since 9/11?" 

YOU SAY: "Yeah, I'm really worried about terrorism, too. Sometimes I think liberals don't discuss it enough. Can you tell me where you learned that Muslims commit the most terrorist attacks, though?"

2. THEY SAY: "I didn't vote for Trump because I'm a racist. I voted because of Obamacare."

YOU THINK:  ". . . So you were willing to put the lives of millions of vulnerable people at risk because you were upset about your monthly f*cking premium prices, which are going to get worse under a Trump administration?" 

YOU SAY:  "Rising premiums are a big concern. But I'm curious about your thoughts on a Muslim registry and all the hate crimes currently sweeping the nation." 

3. THEY SAY: "Trump isn't a homophobe. He loves gay Americans and he waved the rainbow pride flag."

YOU THINK: 

YOU SAY: "I know you're personally not homophobic. But Trump has pledged to appoint Supreme Court justice and sign acts that would put the LGBTQ community in danger. What are your thoughts on Mike Pence?"

4. THEY SAY: "I voted for Trump because I thought it was time for a change."

YOU THINK: "And the change you wanted was . . . fascism and white supremacists in the Oval Office?"

YOU SAY: "Our country needs to dramatically change if it's going to work for all of us. What kind of change were you looking for?"

5. THEY SAY: "I just wish didn't have to fight about politics anymore."

YOU THINK: "Well, if you didn't help to elect an KKK-endorsed failed businessman into office, who wants to use nuclear weapons, we wouldn't have to."

YOU SAY: "I don't want to fight either. Are there any issues you think we can agree on?"

6. THEY SAY: "Let's just give him a chance."

YOU THINK: 

YOU SAY: "I totally agree with that on principle. But what do you think about the Steve Bannon appointment, who is pretty well known for his white nationalist views?"

7. THEY SAY: "Why are all these people protesting his election? We didn't do that when Obama won."

YOU THINK: "Maybe because they're concerned about the millions of children who are going to be ripped from the arms of their undocumented mothers? I'm sorry — I meant to say political correctness."

YOU SAY: "Most people at those protests are protesting Trump's policies, not his election. Are there any parts of his agenda you're concerned with?"

8. THEY SAY: "Hillary Clinton was endorsed by Satan, that's why no flies go near her, I saw it on Alex Jones."

YOU THINK:

YOU SAY: "Pass the cranberry sauce, please?"

9.  THEY SAY: "I voted for Trump because he's a good businessman."

YOU THINK: "Please read one piece of decent journalism that isn't a random string of capitalized text on a meme."

YOU SAY: "I'm worried about America's economy too. The Democrats never went far enough. What policies do you support, and how do they differ from Hillary's?"

10. THEY SAY: "I don't like what he's said about women. But that's just locker room talk." 

YOU THINK: "Locker room talk that resulted in multiple serious sexual assault allegations, meaning that your vote helped put a sexual predator into office." 

YOU SAY: "I agree that we should gather evidence before we point fingers. It's a dangerous precedent. But what if I told you I was dating someone with so many sexual allegations against them?"

11. THEY SAY: "I wish we could just agree to disagree about politics. You know I care about you."

YOU THINK: "But your vote put the lives of Muslims, immigrants, people of color, women and LGBTQ folk in jeopardy! It put your life in jeopardy! You helped to elect someone who has openly embraced dictators and said he didn't even want an election! Our democracy could be over! FOR GOOD! FOREVER! GOODBYE TO ALL MANKIND! I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BLACK FRIDAY DEALS! THIS IS NOT A JOKE!"

YOU SAY: I want to keep talking about these things, and I think we should. Thanks for speaking with me. I care about you, too.

BONUS: Did Trump orchestrate the 'Hamilton' debacle to distract us or is life just a distraction?