Z Nation Series Premiere Review: A B-Movie U Don't Want 2 C

Z Nation S01E01: "Puppies and Kittens"

Before we get to talking about Z Nation's series premiere, a disclaimer: When I put Syfy's new zombie drama on TV.com's list of 10 most anticipated new fall shows, I was in dire straits. See, the fall season is terrible, and a large part of that is due to the pathetic batch of new shows that's about to rain hell on our eyeballs. So Z Nation weaseled its way in there at No. 10 because I have a personal bet with myself that I can find at least one Syfy series to include on every most anticipated list I write, and Ascension didn't make the cut. I also suspected that if the production house behind Sharknado was making a zombie show, it would at least be entertaining, for better or for worse.

Well, after watching the premiere, I think Z Nation sucks pretty hard—but the first episode, "Puppies and Kittens," did leave me hopeful that the series is willing to have a little fun with a tired genre, thanks to a zombie baby that stole the show. We'll get to that later, however; first, as required by Z Nation Review Law, it's time to make some comparisons between Z Nation and The Walking Dead.

The challenge of creating a new zombie show at this moment in time is really onefold: Differentiate it from all the other zombie properties that are swarming across pop culture. Z Nation doesn't do that, appearing perfectly content to retread everything we've always known about zombies and the undead apocalypse. In fact, the backbone of Z Nation's premise is a near dead ringer for one of The Walking Dead's current storylines: A survivor who may be the key to a cure must be escorted across several state lines by a military dude who doesn't have any answers, just orders. On Z Nation, it's Mark (Harold "Waaaaaalt!" Perrineau Jr.) holding the hand of Murphy (Keith Allan); on The Walking Dead, it's Abraham clearing the way for Eugene. Yes, one's a man who survived being the part of the carving station at a zombie buffet (Murphy) and one's a scientist (Eugene), but the endgame is the same. Walk a lot and don't let the important guy get eaten.

And so Z Nation, with its merry band of cast-offs fighting a ton of chomping undead menaces, explains its intentions fairly quickly. It has no problem being compared to The Walking Dead even if every comparison begins with, "It ain't no... ." This is a "no such thing as bad publicity" situation, and Z Nation aspires to be nothing more than a cheap back-alley knockoff of AMC's ratings hit. Which it is, a billion times over. (And really, is there anything so wrong with that? Let's not give The Walking Dead more credit than it's due.)

Obviously we knew that Z Nation's debut would feature amateur production values that suggested the whole series was filmed over the course of a single afternoon, a script whose sole purpose was to get to the next scene when a seemingly dead zombie popped up on an unsuspecting idiot, and one-take speed acting featuring all the passion of a deadbeat dad. But I still wasn't prepared for the depths to which Z Nation would sink. It is BAD, y'all!

Inevitably, that actually became part of the show's charm as "Puppies and Kittens" progressed, as the three primary stages of enjoying horrible television are "hatred," then "acceptance," then "hysterically giggles." It's dumb to complain about Z Nation being so bad because duh-doi, the very instant that Syfy uttered the first "Z" sound when it announced this show, we knew, deep down, that it would be smelly garbage. The best we can hope for is that it embraces that awfulness and doesn't shy away from its campy roots.

Unfortunately, for most of "Puppies and Kittens," Z Nation took itself way too seriously. It wasn't until that dumb baby became a zombie toward the end of the hour—and by the way, how did that baby become a zombie?—that Z Nation showed any signs of life. By borrowing from camp classics like The Evil Dead, the show was awesome for a few minutes. That zombie baby was totally rad. Stupid, but rad. I would watch Zombie Baby: The Series until my eyes shriveled into white, jelly-filled prunes. And because it won't do anyone any good to discuss Z Nation's total lack of characterization, endlessly confusing cuts, gaping plot holes, or nauseating camerawork, let's relive Zombie Baby's highlights, shall we?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He was just a BABY!

Let The Walking Dead handle all the bullshit melodrama and the games of Who Wants to Be the Leader? and Did My Best Friend Pork My Wife? Z Nation should concentrate on being The Walking Dead's goofy little brother that answers questions like How Fast Can a Zombie Baby Move? and Chainsaw vs. Shotgun, Which is the Better Zombie Apocalypse Weapon?

However, I will give Z Nation credit for its shocking death. I did NOT expect Mark to die, given that Harold Perrineau is one of the biggest names in the cast, but maybe he lost a bet or something. Creatively, it was a great choice, as Mark wasn't any more special than anyone else (even though no one stands out as memorable in any way), and now we know that anyone can die, another lesson we first learned from The Walking Dead. And best of all, it allowed Tom Everett Scott (slummin' it) to say, "I didn't tell him to go get eaten by a baby."

Despite Zombie Baby's best efforts, I don't see Z Nation becoming anything more than a low-budget temporary timeslot-filler that Syfy hopes might strike gold, and there's virtually no chance it'll strike gold. These types of B-movie productions have value as Saturday-night creature features, but no one has the patience for 10 hours of poor plotting and shoddy production values. I'll keep watching to let you know whether the gang runs into any more zombie babies, but I'd advise you to go the library or spend time elsewhere instead of wasting time on Z Nation.

What'd you think of Z Nation's series premiere? Will you stick around for Episode 2?