Washington, D.C., home to over 600,000 people. It is the nation's capital and one of the top 50 most populated cities in the country. There haven't been any known outbreaks of zombie attacks in the city. However, if there ever were to be, here are a few tips you must know in order to survive one.
What are zombies like? Zombies are slow, almost clumsy creatures. From afar, they may not appear scary at all. They only have one thing on their mind, and that is your flesh or brain. Why do they want your brain? Because they don't have any brains. They are creatures of the dead, not creatures of intelligence. Never fight a zombie alone. Gather up any live human you can find and form a team. A handful of humans can fight a multitude of zombies.
You will need to keep alert to any news of any zombie attacks in the D.C. area. Keep a battery-powered radio or portable TV in your house. Tune in to local news radio and TV stations: WUSA (9), WTTG (5), WRC (4), WJLA (7), WHUR (96.3 FM), WTOP (103.5 FM), and WASH (97.1 FM). These stations will give you up-to-the-minute information on the numbers of casualties from zombies, where the zombies are currently attacking, and where you should best evacuate the city.
What can I use to fight a zombie? If you find yourself with no other option but to stand your ground with a zombie, you shouldn't try to fight it with your bare hands. They are just as strong as you and I, and although they are not as quick, they will not stop trying to eat you. Don't throw any punches, as they will easily bite your hand like it's a burger.
Transportation is important, too, but running out of fuel is always a danger. Luckily, there are hundreds of gas stations in Washington, D.C. There are literally at least three of them per square mile, so you can at least run to one. For example, there are three of them within 1,000 feet of the White House. There is a Chevron station on 1401 I St. NW, an Amoco on 1317 Ninth St. NW, a BP on 1301 13th St. NW, and plenty more throughout the city.
You can buy supplies from quite a few places in the city. There's a Home Depot on 901 Rhode Island Ave., just three miles from the White House. Or you can head for the Sears on 4530-a 40th St. NW, four miles from the White House. These stores will have essentials like portable radios and televisions, tents, possible zombie-fighting weapons, etc.
If you can shoot a zombie, always try to aim from a far distance. Throw anything you can at them if it will buy you more time to escape. Despite your opinions on guns, you would probably want one to protect yourself from zombies. The good news is that it is legal to own a gun in Washington, D.C., and has been for the past three years. The bad news is that it is hard to buy one in the area because there aren't any gun shops in the city. So, you'll have to go outside the city to buy one to fend off the undead.
Where do zombies come from? They come from the places where dead bodies are: cemeteries. You must avoid all the cemeteries around D.C. These include Rock Creek Cemetery, Oak Hill Cemetery, and Prospect Hill. Also stay away from parks, such as Rock Creek Park, where there's vast open space. It's probably also best to avoid any places where there could be a lot of zombies in a small area, such as Union Station or any Metro subway station.
If the zombies horror movies and TV shows dream up actually do visit Washington, D.C., some day, no matter what you do, don't stand still. Keep running or stand and fight. Zombies can be defeated if you keep a level head on your shoulders and get all the help you can.
Samuel Gonzales has lived in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area for the last 14 years and has seen a few too many scary movies.