Creator calls out the behavior of toxic fathers: ‘They’ll be the first men that let you down’
One woman has taken to TikTok to call out the “toxic” behavior of some fathers.
On July 28, Zulf (@zulllfff), a Toronto-based creator, posted a video on the digital platform in which she shares her thoughts regarding the “disrespect” fathers expect their daughters to tolerate.
“It’s it so funny how fathers get so shocked when you won’t tolerate the same disrespect they put their wives through?” she says. “Like, I’m not your wife, sir. And I’m definitely not one of your little friends and you made that clear. Like, that was the woman you chose. I was the woman that was given to you.”
These men, Zulf claims, are the first ones to disappoint you growing up.
“They’ll be the first men that let you down,” she says. “They’ll be your first ever f****** bullies. And then they get so shocked when you don’t tolerate their disrespect. … Who do you think I learned this behavior from?”
Zulf, however, says there’s a “silver lining” to her childhood.
“I’m not afraid to fight a man,” she adds.
Dr. Paul Daidone, an addiction medicine specialist based in Fayetteville, Ark., suggests that fathers may potentially come off as disrespectful to their wives and daughters due to an “unconscious mindset” that is “rooted in traditional gender roles.”
“This can result in a father wanting to remain in control of their household and be seen as the ‘protector’ who must approve or disapprove of their decisions. Wives and daughters tend to bear the brunt of these traditional expectations and power dynamics, causing tension which can manifest itself in a variety of disruptive behaviors,” Daidone tells In The Know by Yahoo.
What’s also important to note, says Daidone, is the fact that Zulf is also the eldest daughter.
“The TikTok post actually brought about another important issue, which is the fact that eldest daughters often have to deal with the bulk of their fathers’ expectations due to cultural beliefs,” he explains. “This is linked to a phenomenon known as ‘benevolent sexism,’ defined as an underlying attitude that men are entitled to respect and admiration from women — but only if they conform to certain societal expectations. At its core, this is just some kind of paternalistic behavior that puts women in submissive roles as they are often seen to be fragile, vulnerable, and in need of protection.”
A 2018 story published by GQ delves into the role that misogyny may play in toxic masculinity.
“Masculinity, then, appears on a sliding scale, usually depending on a boy’s childhood environment and trauma. All children experience negativity, with indifference or neglect at one end and physical or sexual abuse at the other, and the more painful childhood is, the more likely a boy is to emerge as ‘hyper-masculine,'” GQ reports. “Meanwhile, the more masculine a boy is, the more he represses his feelings about women, so the more misogynistic and abusive he is likely to be. This also works in reverse, with hyper-masculine men also more likely to be emotionally vulnerable, even helpless.”
‘Do not mistake me for her’
In less than a week of posting, Zulf’s video has received more than 6 million views and 1.3 million likes. Many commenters, presumably daughters, are both empathizing with Zulf’s assertions and sharing their own experiences with these types of men.
“Thank you for putting it into words!!!! A daughters rage explained,” @chaoticbrattypan wrote.
“Pls my dad was shocked when I told him if he wanted respect he was going to have to earn it & I wasn’t going tolerate his disrespect either,” @lv_uhhhh commented.
“I’ve had to tell my father, “do not mistake me for her,” pointing at my mother. We’ve had so many epic fights,” @michele.danielle replied.
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