100 corny jokes that kids and adults can't help but laugh at

There's nothing like an old-fashioned dad joke to bring on a case of the giggles. Even when the jokes are absolutely terrible, you still can't help but want more.

In many ways, corny jokes are kind of like a bag of potato chips. You can't just stop at one joke — or, well, chip.

The good news is that telling a cheesy knock-knock joke or pun is an addiction that you can happily share with everyone you know. The only thing necessary is having enough corny jokes in the bank to keep the laughs coming. To help get you started, we've collected some of the best knee-slappers to use in almost any situation.

Need a clean joke for kids? Ask them how you put a spaceship to sleep. You rocket it, of course. Looking for a joke better suited for adult ears? Ask your pals what happens if you eat aluminum foil. To find out the answer to that one, you'll need to scroll on.

A few short one-liners made the cut for the moments when you need a quick strike. And while they're on the shorter side, they're just as painfully corny as the rest of 'em.

Whatever you're looking for, we've got it. The only hurdle you might run into is finding an audience. But we pretty sure that you'll, um, get over it.

Corny jokes that are actually funny

  • Why can’t you borrow money from elves? They’re always short.

  • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

  • Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don’t work.

  • Why did the bank robber wash his clothes before escaping? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

  • What do you call a hat for your leg? Kneecap.

  • What do you call an automobile filled with water? A car-pool.

  • How do trains listen? With their engine-ears.

  • What goes up and down but never moves? Stairs.

  • How does a train eat? It choo-choos.

  • How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.

  • What did one egg say to the other? You crack me up.

  • What’s a zucchini’s favorite sport? Squash.

  • What’s a cucumber’s favorite sport? Pickleball.

  • Why do ghosts ride elevators? It lifts their spirits.

  • What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places.

  • Why did the girl jump up and down before pouring her juice? The carton said to “Shake well before drinking.”

  • Why shouldn’t you use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.

  • A book fell on my head. I only have my-shelf to blame.

  • Why don’t leopards play hide-and-seek? They’re always spotted.

  • Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

  • How do you put a spaceship to sleep? You rocket.

  • What do you need to cook an alligator? A croc-pot.

Corny jokes for kids

  • Why couldn’t the bike stand up? It was two-tired.

  • What did the ocean say to the sad seaweed? Sea kelp.

  • Where does Wonder Woman go shopping? At the supermarket.

  • What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.

  • Why can’t noses be longer than 12 inches? Because they’d be a foot.

  • What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.

  • Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.

  • What’s the best way to catch a school of fish? With bookworms.

  • How do you make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.

  • What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July? A fire-quacker.

  • What do sea monsters eat for dinner? Fish and ships.

  • How do Eskimos repair broken dishes? With igloo.

  • Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

  • Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get crowns on her teeth.

  • What did Benjamin Franklin say after discovering electricity? I’m shocked!

  • What did the earthquake say after it was over? Sorry, my fault!

  • Did you read the book about anti-gravity? You can’t put it down.

  • What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.

  • Did you hear about the spaghetti in disguise? It's an impasta.

  • What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese.

  • What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.

  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.

Corny jokes for adults

  • What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do his own anesthetic? Knock yourself out!

  • Did you hear about the Italian cook who had an accident? He pasta way.

  • What did the quilt saying after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!

  • What do you call it when you can’t take off your bra? A booby trap.

  • What did the therapist say to the man wearing see-through shorts? I can clearly see you’re nuts.

  • Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.

  • How do you know when a pepper is mad? It gets jalapeño face.

  • What did the computer say at the end of a long day? I gotta crash.

  • Did you hear about the man paranoid about picnics? He’s a basket case.

  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

  • Did you hear about the homicidal oatmeal? It’s a cereal killer.

  • How did the dragon get bronchitis? It smoked knights.

  • What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.

  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

  • What do you call a pig on a hot day? Bakin.’

  • Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colors? It had reptile dysfunction.

  • Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”

  • What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal.

  • Did you hear about the girl who cut off the left side of her body? She’s all right.

  • Why don’t animals play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

  • Why can’t anyone write a good drinking song? They can’t get past the first few bars.

  • Did you hear about the deer who won the lottery? It got a million bucks.

  • Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

  • Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

  • Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?

  • How do you know when a clown breaks wind? Something smells funny.

  • Why shouldn’t you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.

  • Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.

  • Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be a gold prospector? It didn’t pan out.

  • What’s the bad thing about birthdays? Too many will kill you.

  • Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s in the ER waiting to be seen.

  • What did the grape say to the wine after they broke up? "I’m crushed."

  • What kind of award do you give dentist of the year? A little plaque.

  • Did you hear about the coffee robbery? It got mugged.

  • Why did the nurse keep a red pen handy? In case she had to draw blood.

Short corny jokes

  • What do you call an indecisive bug? A may-bee.

  • How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

  • What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.

  • Did you hear the sausage joke? It’s the wurst.

  • What kind of band can’t play music? A rubber-band.

  • What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.

  • What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.

  • Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.

  • What did one flower say to the other? Hi bud.

  • What do you call a guy who’s always writing out checks? Bill.

  • How should you serve smart burgers? On honor rolls.

  • Why is six scared? Because seven ate nine.

  • Did you hear about the tree who watched a scary movie? It was petrified.

  • What causes dry skin? Towels.

  • What should you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.

  • I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

  • Not all math puns are bad, just sum.

  • What kind of teeth do deer have? Buck teeth.

  • What shouldn’t trust stairs? They’re always up to something.

  • What does a house wear? Address.

  • Why should you avoid trees? They can be shady.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com