14th annual It Happens to Boys Conference returns as in-person event on Friday
Sexual abuse can happen to boys and men, but it's a topic that is not often discussed, as psychotherapist Carol Teitelbaum has seen throughout her career. That, in turn, makes it more difficult for these survivors to open up, and they might feel like they're the only ones who are going through the experience.
Unfortunately, statistics show otherwise. About one in four male victims of completed or attempted rape first experienced it between the ages of 11 and 17, and nearly a quarter of men in the U.S. have experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Additionally, 43% of men nationwide reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime. Rates regarding sexual harassment and assault against women are typically higher, but the impact on men also can't be ignored.
As a result, Teitelbaum has been working with men of all ages in the Coachella Valley and beyond to help them heal from their trauma. The culmination of her efforts leads up to the 14th annual It Happens to Boys Conference on Friday, which brings together survivors of sexual abuse and people in recovery with mental health professionals and recovery counselors. It will be the first time the event will be held in person since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Teitelbaum called it a "one-of-a-kind conference" that involves professionals from various specialties, making it a "whole community event." The conference begins at 8:30 a.m. at ABC Recovery at 44-359 Palm St. in Indio.
Related: Mental Health Awareness Month: Palm Desert man heals after decades of trauma
Teitelbaum said the conference will include a variety of renowned speakers, including Ken and Mary Richardson, who founded Co-Dependents Anonymous and help people work toward maintaining healthy relationships, and John Lee, an author who focuses on anger/rage, emotional regression and men's issues. Local men will also be featured, such as Jerry Moe, the former national director of the Hazelden Betty Ford Children's Program, and Daniel Marquez, who previously shared his personal story of abuse with The Desert Sun.
Teitelbaum will also lead the audience in mindful meditation work and share the work she does in her weekly support group, which meets at 7 p.m. every Tuesday on Zoom. Those interested in connecting with the program can contact Teitelbaum at carolteitelbaum@yahoo.com.
The It Happens to Boys Conference is important in many ways, she said, not just as a way to connect survivors to resources, but to more openly discuss the fact that men can be and have been abused.
"A lot of men are 35, 45, 55 before they understand and remember that something happened to them," she said. "Men who have been impacted by sexual abuse have a lot of shame, and if they don't deal with the shame, they have a lot of issues, not only mental health and emotional issues, but it ends up coming out as rage, which affects all of us."
Many have also been told that "it's not OK to talk about your feelings or cry or tell someone you're hurting or you need help," Teitelbaum added, which might lead to many keeping those emotions bottled up before choosing harmful ways to cope.
The conference also offers an opportunity to dispel myths regarding sexual abuse among men. Some believe that men will "just get over it," but as Teitelbaum has seen in her career, "they don't just get over, it just gets worse," with many exhibiting rage, choosing to harm others or utilizing drugs or alcohol. Many also think men can't get abused or that women can't be perpetrators. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 79% of male victims who were "made to penetrate" and 82% of male victims of sexual coercion reported only female perpetrators. In addition, 97% of men who experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner had only female perpetrators.
The conference won't just be all heavy material, Teitelbaum said. Norman Fox (of the 1950s doo-wop group Norman Fox & The Rob-Roys) and Billy Chiechi will perform a few songs during a rock ’n’ roll hour, and there will be raffle prizes and networking opportunities available as well.
But above all else, Teitelbaum wants attendees to feel they're in a safe and supportive space where they're comfortable to open up and accept any help they may need.
"A lot of our speakers have felt like it was so safe at our conference. One presenter threw away his talk and he just told his own story," she said. "That's the biggest compliment I could ever get."
To learn more about the 14th annual It Happens to Boys Conference, visit www.creativechangeconferences.com.
If you go
What: 14th annual It Happens to Boys Conference
When/where: 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday, March 3, at ABC Recovery Center, 44-359 Palm St., Indio
How much: $100
More information: www.creativechangeconferences.com
Ema Sasic covers entertainment and health in the Coachella Valley. Reach her at ema.sasic@desertsun.com or on Twitter @ema_sasic.
This article originally appeared on Palm Springs Desert Sun: 14th annual It Happens to Boys conference returns as in-person event
