20 Elf On The Shelf tweets that every exasperated parent can relate to
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Parents are freaking done with Elf on the Shelf.
The innocent holiday tradition started out as a cutesy way to keep their kids' behavior in check ahead of the holidays, but has been criticized for being a capitalist marketing scheme to indoctrinate children into accepting the surveillance state.
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That, and parents are tired of coming up with creative ways to stage the impish — and unsettlingly creepy — stuffed doll. At this point, are you freezing your elf in a block of ice and artfully placing him in front of an Elsa doll for your kids, or for the Instagram clout?
Here are a few tweets proving just how exasperated parents feel about the dreaded toy.
1. It's a narc
Your annual holidaytimes PSA:
ELF ON THE SHELF IS A NIGHTMARE OBJECT DESIGNED TO ACQUIESCE YOUR CHILDREN TO AUTHORITARIAN SURVEILLANCE CULTURE
THE ELF IS A NARC
BURN THE ELF pic.twitter.com/Pkj1qWRU8i— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) December 2, 2018
2. Are you creative enough?
Don’t forget to wake up in a cold panic. Did you take care of the Elf on the Shelf? Is it creative enough? Are you doing this right? WAKE UP
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) December 3, 2018
3. Sometimes you just have to give in
Never did I ever think I would purchase an Elf on the Shelf, much less use one as a classroom management technique. But here I am, $30 later, trying to figure out what to make this creepy elf do today so my kids will behave. #IHateYouWalter pic.twitter.com/KKMWL2QJ1v
— Marly (@m_uncs) December 5, 2018
4. Yikes
Elf on the shelf.
*But it’s just my wife hiding my bottle of bourbon every night.— Bart (@jbmsoccerdad) December 4, 2018
5. It's a trap!
This year my daughter found out we were Santa, and shortly after asked if we were the ones who did the elf. I said yes, and she said she didn’t want the elf to come anymore.
And the people said “amen”. pic.twitter.com/Sc1pXAkVOR— Shannon (@thepadilla5) December 2, 2018
6. It's a curse
Good morning. Happy December to everyone except for the person who invented Elf on the Shelf.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 1, 2018
7. A twist on the elf
Most parents: Elf on the Shelf
Me, as a parent: Elphaba on the shelf pic.twitter.com/1YVufVFY8i— Rohita (@rohitak) December 9, 2018
8. Sometimes it backfires
I think Elf on the Shelf has backfired. 4yo has asked me to stop Christmas. Because he’d rather have no Christmas than have to behave for the next 21 days.
— Boy Mom Life (@Heatherheiser2) December 3, 2018
9. Just get rid of it
Sets a new Christmas tradition.
*burns Elf on the Shelf*— Abi (@abi4205) December 1, 2018
10. Reach out to the higher ups
We don't have an elf on the shelf. I have Santa's phone number and I'm not afraid to use it.
— Meg the Frosty Snow Chick ❄️⛄☃️⛄❄️ (@meghaffer) December 1, 2018
11. Some moms are just done
Shove your Elf On The Shelf up your ass.
— MistletoeMummy (@WineMummy) December 1, 2018
12. Here's the tea
The elf on the shelf signals your complicity with the surveillance police state, it is your duty to reject the elvish invasion of your liberties.
— Dungeon Facts (@DungeonFacts) December 1, 2018
13. Add some backstory
When my kids ask why we don't have an Elf on the Shelf, I calmly and gently explain that our assigned elf died in the Great Elf/Gnome War of 2006.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 6, 2018
14. Don't let your kid fall in with the bad kids
I hate elves. I also hate narcs. I will not bend.
— Elizabeth McCracken (@elizmccracken) December 8, 2018
15. The dog took care of it
Elf on the shelf has been suspended for a day or two until the dog craps him back out.
— Kvy_kev (@Kvy_kv) December 7, 2018
16. Oops
I accidentally knocked Elf on the Shelf dude off the mantle. Then accidentally stepped on his head and accidentally kicked him out into the garage and accidentally poured gasoline on him. Then he went up in a ball of wonderful accidental flames.
I’m so clumsy— Just A Guy (@seanrmccauley) December 4, 2018
17. Older brothers ruin everything
i took a shit then put my lil brothers elf on a shelf by the toilet & said he did it & now my dad won’t let me do the elf on the shelf anymore lmao
— wavey (@criswesco) December 3, 2018
18. But not more than this toy ruined parents
Elf on a Shelf ruined a generation of parents.
— Bridget Phetasy (@BridgetPhetasy) December 3, 2018
19. Seriously, they're pretty over it
Have you tried putting your Elf on a Shelf in your fireplace instead of on it?
— 🎅🎄𝕄𝕖𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕋𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕤𝕞𝕒𝕤🎄🎅 (@DropsNoPanties) December 1, 2018
20. We can all agree to get rid of this tradition
As a country we may be divided, but as human beings we can all agree Elf on a Shelf is creepy af and needs to go back where it came from.
— Criminelle Law (@CriminelleLaw) November 26, 2018
So this Christmas season, just give yourself a break and leave the elf on the damn shelf.
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