20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Jan. 16-22)

Kelsey Borresen
·4 min read

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Used my husband's body wash and forgot how to load the dishwasher.

— Tater 🍁🐾 (@TrueTorontoGirl) January 16, 2024 ">

Five words that absolutely terrify my husband: “I'll go check for myself."

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 19, 2024 ">

My wife will wait until the exact moment my ass makes contact with the couch to ask for a favor.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 17, 2024 ">

Every night when my husband gets home I ask him how his day at work went, as if I have any idea what he does.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) January 16, 2024 ">

Husband: What did I tell you? I told you NOT to do that.

Cat:

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 18, 2024 ">

Me [walking in]: It's cold out.

Wife: It's winter. That tends to happen every year around this time.

Me: Our love story should be made into a movie.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 18, 2024 ">

Woke up to Cat Bane puking up a hairball and everyone jumped up to see what was happening.

Wife: What a nice family gathering.

— N.J. Gallegos is colder than a witch’s tit ❄️🥶 (@DrSpooky_ER) January 19, 2024 ">

my husband won’t buy me more books for my birthday because i haven’t even read the ones he got me for christmas…clearly he never fantasized about being in a remote french castle with wall to ceiling books as a child

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) January 16, 2024 ">

True love is me texting my wife that I need a roll of toilet paper and her making me wait a ridiculous amount of time before she brings it.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 20, 2024 ">

Me to my 6yo when he’s leaving the house: “I love you. Have fun. Be a good boy.”

Me to my husband when he’s leaving the house: “I love you. Have fun. Be a good boy.”

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 19, 2024 ">

Me whenever my husband stumbles in public https://t.co/MgCcmhn4DE

— The Jay Agenda (@JayJurden) January 19, 2024 ">

If I had a nickel for every time my wife complained about the terrible drivers on the road, I'd have enough to cover the deductible for the fact that she's one of them.

— Schmuck On A Hot Tin Roof (@SchmuckOnAHorse) January 22, 2024 ">

Marriage is just saying shit like, “you need to shower? I need to shower!” over and over until someone dies.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) January 21, 2024 ">

My husband just walked into the house shouting "I've brought home an entire pecan pie" and this, my friends, is how you keep a marriage alive.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 18, 2024 ">

Me: You know, one nice thing about being snowed in all week is we haven't had to spend any money.

Wife: (clicking add to cart) So nice.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 18, 2024 ">

My wife told me she didn’t like Samantha Mumba’s song “Gotta Tell You”.

I’ve married a monster.

— N.J. Gallegos is colder than a witch’s tit ❄️🥶 (@DrSpooky_ER) January 19, 2024 ">

My wife can't remember her password she created yesterday but remembers what I said on June 12, 2015 at 1:47PM.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 21, 2024 ">

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