20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb. 6-12)

Kelsey Borresen
·4 min read
1

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Wife: I hate it when romance novels say the guy "explored her body." What's he going to do, plant a flag? "I claim this booty for England!"

— D.N. Schmidt, science fiction author📚 (@Writepop) February 11, 2024 ">

my wife explaining to me the difference between the name brand I was supposed to get and the generic brand that I brought home pic.twitter.com/a3GXvpxNWq

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) February 12, 2024 ">

Texted my husband some sad news about a dog, and he responded woof instead of oof, and wow autocorrect, that one hurts

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 6, 2024 ">

Sorry about how all of our wives acted when Ludacris came out.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 12, 2024 ">

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 7, 2024 ">

My wife and I agreed no gifts this year for Valentine's Day. So I'm online looking for a gift.

— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ (@WillieHandler) February 9, 2024 ">

My husband asked if the new plant was called a BROmeliad because it lifts, and then his dad card automatically renewed for another year

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 6, 2024 ">

He died doing what he loved: showing his wife how cold his hands were by putting them up her shirt.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 9, 2024 ">

My husband is watching a YouTube video on how to fix my car because “it can’t be that hard.”

How’s your night going?

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 8, 2024 ">

This time on cryptic texts from my husband. pic.twitter.com/jT4zTyqa2A

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 10, 2024 ">

The hardest thing about marriage is that he has to go to work and we can’t do everything together like Frog and Toad

— Carissa (@CarissasNewLife) February 7, 2024 ">

My husband said I’ve had too much coffee today, as if that’s a thing.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 10, 2024 ">

Not a single pic with your husband on your ig is CRAZY

— CLUB JAY JAY (@JayJurden) February 8, 2024 ">

There are those who think it’s clean enough and those who think it’s not clean unless they clean it themselves and they marry each other

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 10, 2024 ">

I hope my husband knows he can binge Hallmark movies to cram for Valentine’s Day.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 7, 2024 ">

[Recent romantic conversation with my wife]

Me: Hey babe.

My wife: Did you wash the dishes?

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 9, 2024 ">

My wife is the more assertive one, so when I have a customer service problem I get her fired up, then tell her to calm down and then hand her the phone.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 9, 2024 ">

Wife said I couldn’t buy more cereal because “we already have 8 boxes” and I don’t need this negativity in my life

— N.J. Gallegos wakes up and chooses violence (@DrSpooky_ER) February 7, 2024 ">

I feel fortunate to have met and dated my wife before online dating was a thing. I don't think I could handle online rejection. I really prefer to disappoint and be spurned in person.

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) February 8, 2024 ">

I could listen all day to a happy dog smacking and chewing on its favourite treat

But if my husband so much as breathes too loud…

— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) February 10, 2024 ">

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