Around this time of year, we’re bombarded by a dizzying array of “Best of” and “Top 10” lists for the year, especially with critics’ picks for the best (and worst) in movies, books, television, and music. But why don’t we see similar lists being compiled for the legal system? After all, there were plenty of notable moments this past year that involved brushes with the law. If you don’t believe me, just check out these highlights (and lowlights) from the past year.

The “Adding Injury to Insult” award goes to Isaac Bonsu of Fairfax County, Virginia. On March 3, 2018, Bonsu was pulled over by the police because of an “equipment violation” on his car (excessive window tint) and suspicion of DUI. Bonsu was clearly worried about being arrested because, according to police dashcam videos, he got out of his vehicle and began running away. Unfortunately, the allegedly high Bonsu had forgotten to put his car in park and, when he ran in front of the car, it moved forward, running him over. Bonsu wound up facing charges of felony hit and run, possession of marijuana, and his third DUI—all of which pales in comparison to being run over by your own car.

The “Poetic Justice” award goes to David Berry, Jr. of southwest Missouri. Earlier this month, Berry (along with several members of his family) was found guilty of poaching hundreds of trophy bucks slaughtered illegally in Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska and Canada. But in addition to receiving sentences of one year and an additional 120 days for firearms violations, Berry had an unusual condition tacked on by Judge Robert George. Judge George ordered that Berry must “view the Walt Disney movie Bambi with the first viewing being on or before December 23, 2018, and at least one such viewing each month thereafter, during defendant’s incarceration.” While repeated exposure to some Disney films might arguably be considered cruel and unusual punishment, looks like Mr. Berry is getting what he deserves.

And the “Quit While You’re Behind” award goes to Vanessa Helfant. The 38 year-old Knoxville, Tennessee woman insisted on a jury trial after being arrested for a drunken driving incident on March 25, 2017, in which she struck several parked cars before fleeing the scene. At her trial in December, Helfant (who admitted to drinking vodka and smoking marijuana just prior to being arrested) told the jury that the parked cars had actually struck her. In a move that surprised no one, the jury rejected the unconventional defense and convicted Helfant.

Meanwhile, the “Tell Us How You Really Feel” award goes to U.S. District Judge Vanessa Gilmore (S.D. Houston). Presiding over a contentious patent infringement case between competing dental product companies Align Technology, Inc. (makers of Invisalign dental aligners) and ClearCorrect, Inc., Judge Gilmore had clearly had enough of the parties’ bickering. In a Dec. 12 order that quickly went viral, Judge Gilmore noted that the court had received “the parties’ whiny letters,” and asked “What is wrong with you parties/lawyers? Just STOP IT!” Going on to observe that this case, which has been pending since 2011, was her “oldest and least favorite case,” Judge Gilmore cautioned counsel against “trying to become my least favorite lawyers” and said no extension would be granted, so “DON’T ASK!” So, what are you trying to tell us, judge?

The “It’s Not You, It’s Me” award goes to 38 year-old Anthony Akers of Washington state. Akers was wanted for an outstanding warrant for failure to comply with the terms of his probation, and noticed his picture among the Richland Police Department’s weekly Facebook roundup—affectionately known as “Wanted Wednesdays.” He posted a few hours later “Calm down, I’m going to turn myself in.” When Akers failed to appear the next day, police sent him a direct message beginning with “Hey Anthony, We haven’t seen you yet” and offering to pick him up. Akers responded, saying he was “tying up loose ends” and would be there in the next 48 hours. When the weekend came and went without any sign of Akers, police posted “Is it us? We waited, but you didn’t show.” Akers, continuing the dialogue straight out of a Hollywood rom-com, replied with a heartfelt “Dear RPD, it’s not you, it’s me. I obviously have commitment issues. I apologize for standing you up, but let me make it up to you. I will be there no later than lunchtime tomorrow. I know you have no reason to believe me after what I did to you . . . I know I don’t deserve it. P.S. You’re beautiful.” And just a day later, Akers showed up to turn himself in and begin his monthlong stay in the county jail. This may not seem like a happy ending to you, but I’m tearing up. Anthony Akers, you had us at hello.

And finally, the “Your Tax Dollars at Work” award goes to the Washington, D.C. Courts Marriage Bureau. When Gavin Clarkson of Las Cruces, New Mexico went to the bureau Nov. 20 to apply for a marriage license (he was moving to Washington to marry his then-fiancée), he ran into a small problem. The clerk wouldn’t accept his New Mexico driver’s license as proof of his identity because they “don’t accept international driver’s licenses.” When the clerk asked for his “New Mexico passport,” Clarkson explained that he was a U.S. citizen and asked to speak to a supervisor. Eventually, the office staff was reassured that New Mexico was, in fact, a U.S. state (as it has been for 106 years), and accepted Clarkson’s driver’s license as valid documentation—but not before complimenting him on his flawless English! And thanks to low-level government bureaucrats, I’ll never run out of material.

John G. Browning is a shareholder at Passman & Jones in Dallas, where he handles a wide variety of civil litigation in state and federal courts.