marriage is fun you get to learn things like it’s possible to fold a towel inside out

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 27, 2023

Anytime my husband upsets me, I just add more shampoo bottles to our shower. Currently, there’s 47.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 1, 2023

Dating: come get closer

Marriage: omg why are you so close

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 6, 2023

There are two types of people: Those who are always ten minutes early and those who think it only takes ten minutes to get anywhere, and they marry each other.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 27, 2023

Me *to my wife*: How can you watch such a cringey reality show?

Also Me: Dammit, I can’t wait for the next season!

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 26, 2023

Being married to someone with adhd means every time they leave the house to go somewhere they will come back in 4 or 5 times within the next 2 minutes to grab things they forgot so you get used to saying goodbye a lot of times in a row.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 26, 2023

Some couples exercise together.

My wife and I text each other videos while we're sitting in the same room.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023

husband & kids are out of town so I’m back to my natural state (depressed, Cheetos for dinner, wondering why is life)

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 6, 2023

Husband: You’re overly anal.
Me: You’re underly aware.

— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 27, 2023

husband: have you seen my jeans?

5yo: have you tried the big closet where all the clothes are?

me: *sheds a single tear of pride*

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 26, 2023

A sucker Punch but it’s just my wife calling the dog who’s on my lap.

— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) April 27, 2023

The most harrowing part of marriage is having a day where you both have plans, not asking for details about said plans, and ultimately running into each other at the location of plans

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 1, 2023

If the thought of arguing about what constitutes as a drizzle sounds appealing, marriage might be right for you.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 4, 2023

A good husband is someone who orders large fries with his meal because he knows his wife who “didn’t want fries” is going to eat half of them.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 2, 2023

My husband just walked up to me with a wet rag in his hand and said "do you like leaving these in the kitchen sink or is this just a common accident? Not picking a fight, just trying to understand."

I have no memory of doing this and didn't know how to respond.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 4, 2023

on a long roadtrip with my wife when the most amazing thing happened — at one point she let an entire song play from beginning to end

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 7, 2023

My husband and I play this fun game called “Mansplaining” and the loser has to sleep on the couch that night and I get the bed all to myself

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) May 4, 2023

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud’ but they will be, oh they will be

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 1, 2023

Wife: I need your opinion on this

Me: I...

Wife: No, never mind

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 28, 2023

Congratulations to my wife on the purchase of her one millionth Amazon order.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023

Marriage is having each other’s backs during social events. For example, I tell my spouse the exact moment I notice food in his beard. In turn, my spouse tells me the exact moment we arrive home, he notices lipstick on my teeth.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) April 26, 2023