Here are the 21 funniest tweets about parenting this week
It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! Enjoy.
It's normal.
Parenting is having a conversation with someone about anything and stopping abruptly to ask "why are you naked" across the room
— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) January 16, 2023
She's not wrong.
My 4yo put on a pair of jeans for the first time yesterday and as soon as buttoned them she said, "Mommy, these are NOT good pants," took them off, threw them across the floor, and put on leggings.
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) January 16, 2023
Truth.
The advantage to having just one kid is you always know who did it.
— M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBill™ (@MonotoneofBill) January 17, 2023
Good question!
why is anyone concerned about people cooking on gas stoves when no one can afford the food to make
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2023
Genies use magic, not miracles!
I found a lamp today. When I rubbed it, out popped a genie who said he would grant me 3 wishes.
I wished for 1) an uninterrupted shower, 2) to go to the bathroom by myself and 3) 8 hours of sleep, because I'm a tired mom.
He told me the wishes had to be realistic.— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) January 20, 2023
Same, honestly.
My kid said her favorite subject in school is lunch and I'm so happy to finally figure out what she got from me
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) January 19, 2023
OK, but how about now?
My 5yo: How long will dinner take?
Me: 10 minutes.
My 5yo: When is 10 minutes over?
Me: In 10 minutes.— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) January 19, 2023
And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets!
I accidentally used my kids' 3 in 1 shampoo and body wash and now I have enough energy to sprinkle LEGO on every available surface in my house
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) January 19, 2023
Thoughts and prayers.
please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 19, 2023
Winning.
Didn’t bother changing from my daytime pajamas to my nighttime pajamas last night so now I’m basically already dressed for today.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) January 18, 2023
99% chance.
If you've ever said "oh good it missed your eye" you're probably a parent.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) January 15, 2023
Blue bag is definitely organic.
Mom A at the park: We are gluten-free, dairy-free, raw vegan foragers
Mom B: We’re GFDF & raise free-range quail
Me: These Doritos are organic— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) January 19, 2023
Those were the days.
Back in my day there was so much Toilet Paper and Eggs, that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies!
— mariana Z (@mariana057) January 16, 2023
Definitely in charge here.
Me: I am the King of my domain
Also me: My toddler has my phone and my wife has my wallet— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 16, 2023
Call it like it is.
Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your ‘cookie plug’ just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 16, 2023
Things have changed.
Before kids: *switches between designer hand bags to match outfit daily*
After kids: *uses the same over-sized back pack full of crushed teddy grahams, hot wheels, crumb-filled diapers, restaurant crayons, 8 pairs of socks for some reason, and was that a banana at one point?*— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) January 11, 2023
Of course.
me, on a business trip calling my kids on my last night: how was your day?
6: it was good, but tomorrow is going to be great!
me: aw, because I’m coming home?
6: because it’s “dress like a winter animal day”— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 20, 2023
Facts.
If you’re a parent, you’ve made enough mac and cheese to create a macaroni necklace around the world 3 times
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 20, 2023
Sob.
Me, 10 years ago: Drinks on me!
Me, now: I’m not paying that for eggs.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 18, 2023
"Gentle parenting!"
‘how do u get ur kids to behave?’ ‘Oh just TLC’ I respond as I physically tie my 4yo to his chair
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) January 19, 2023
Now that's scary stuff.
You can't scare me. You're not my daughter being weaned off her pacifier.
— Mom With No Plan (@MomWithNoPlan) January 19, 2023
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This article was originally published on TODAY.com
