23 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (July 18-31)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.
Somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.
Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Read on for 23 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
I don’t know why but I am more excited for fall this year than ever!
-my wife during the first week of August, every single year.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 31, 2023
I don’t know why but I am more excited for fall this year than ever!
-my wife during the first week of August, every single year.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 31, 2023 ">
-my wife during the first week of August, every single year.
Marriage comebacks are like, “Well, at least I wasn’t the one who left the ranch dressing out on the counter last night.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 27, 2023
Marriage comebacks are like, “Well, at least I wasn’t the one who left the ranch dressing out on the counter last night.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 27, 2023 ">
If you like a person to show up and block the kitchen sink every time you’re using it, you may want to consider getting married
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 25, 2023
If you like a person to show up and block the kitchen sink every time you’re using it, you may want to consider getting married
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 25, 2023 ">
I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023
I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023 ">
What's the worst thing your spouse can yell while running out the door, late for work? Because I just heard mine say "I think that's a black widow's nest right there!"
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) July 19, 2023
What's the worst thing your spouse can yell while running out the door, late for work? Because I just heard mine say "I think that's a black widow's nest right there!"
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) July 19, 2023 ">
Here’s how I get my husband to fix stuff: I threaten to hire a handyman.
Follow me for more marriage hacks.— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 31, 2023
Here’s how I get my husband to fix stuff: I threaten to hire a handyman.
Follow me for more marriage hacks.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 31, 2023 ">
Follow me for more marriage hacks.
Anyone else get mad when they overhear their husband on a work call? Like where is this happy, energetic, social person when I want to talk to him?
— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) July 25, 2023
Anyone else get mad when they overhear their husband on a work call? Like where is this happy, energetic, social person when I want to talk to him?
— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) July 25, 2023 ">
There comes a point in marriage when The Home Depot becomes a strong contender in where you go for date night.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 26, 2023
There comes a point in marriage when The Home Depot becomes a strong contender in where you go for date night.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 26, 2023 ">
My husband couldn’t find the step ladder in the garage. It was hiding behind plain sight.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) July 30, 2023
My husband couldn’t find the step ladder in the garage. It was hiding behind plain sight.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) July 30, 2023 ">
Don’t know if my mother-in-law is talking about a Netflix show she likes or a family member she hates and she’s so deep into the story I don’t think she knows either.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 18, 2023
Don’t know if my mother-in-law is talking about a Netflix show she likes or a family member she hates and she’s so deep into the story I don’t think she knows either.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 18, 2023 ">
*Package arrives*
Husband: “what’d you get now?”
Ring is a little bitch. Always telling on me. 😂🙄— ↞𝙱𝚕𝚔𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚢↠ (@BlkSoulBeauty) July 26, 2023
*Package arrives*
Husband: “what’d you get now?”
Ring is a little bitch. Always telling on me. 😂🙄
— ↞𝙱𝚕𝚔𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚢↠ (@BlkSoulBeauty) July 26, 2023 ">
Husband: “what’d you get now?”
Ring is a little bitch. Always telling on me. 😂🙄
Spin Instructor: you have to register at the front desk first
me: oh, I'm just here because my wife is out of town so I need somebody to yell at me for a little bit
SI: ah okay, grab a bike— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 18, 2023
Spin Instructor: you have to register at the front desk first
me: oh, I'm just here because my wife is out of town so I need somebody to yell at me for a little bit
SI: ah okay, grab a bike
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 18, 2023 ">
me: oh, I'm just here because my wife is out of town so I need somebody to yell at me for a little bit
SI: ah okay, grab a bike
Me: I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything in the world.
Friend: How about a year of free donuts?
Me: Where should I drop off his clothes?— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 28, 2023
Me: I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything in the world.
Friend: How about a year of free donuts?
Me: Where should I drop off his clothes?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 28, 2023 ">
Friend: How about a year of free donuts?
Me: Where should I drop off his clothes?
Out for a walk in the neighborhood with my wife and she goes “Oh there’s your friend!” I look up thinking she’s talking about one of the humans I know and love who live nearby but actually it’s the pit bull named Whitley Gilbert who lives four houses down! 🥰
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) July 20, 2023
Out for a walk in the neighborhood with my wife and she goes “Oh there’s your friend!” I look up thinking she’s talking about one of the humans I know and love who live nearby but actually it’s the pit bull named Whitley Gilbert who lives four houses down! 🥰
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) July 20, 2023 ">
Me: Our company is going to be here in 30 mins, could you help me get the house ready?
Husband: *weedwacks*— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) July 30, 2023
Me: Our company is going to be here in 30 mins, could you help me get the house ready?
Husband: *weedwacks*
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) July 30, 2023 ">
Husband: *weedwacks*
A husband at the grocery asked me if the quality of red wine vinegar mattered and I said personally I care more about olive oil and buy cheap vinegar and he shrugged hoping his wife felt the same…
If he’s yours and you disagree I’m sorry!— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) July 23, 2023
A husband at the grocery asked me if the quality of red wine vinegar mattered and I said personally I care more about olive oil and buy cheap vinegar and he shrugged hoping his wife felt the same…
If he’s yours and you disagree I’m sorry!
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) July 23, 2023 ">
If he’s yours and you disagree I’m sorry!
My wife has this special gift where she can extrapolate the worst-case scenario from any situation.
— A Dad Influence #🟦 (@gbergan) July 25, 2023
My wife has this special gift where she can extrapolate the worst-case scenario from any situation.
— A Dad Influence #🟦 (@gbergan) July 25, 2023 ">
no one:
my husband: are you legally allowed to touch a saguaro— meghan (@deloisivete) July 26, 2023
no one:
my husband: are you legally allowed to touch a saguaro
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 26, 2023 ">
my husband: are you legally allowed to touch a saguaro
My friend told me that while his wife was out of town, he and his kids reorganized the kitchen and bought a new living room couch. He thought it would be a fun surprise. I’ll miss that dude.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 27, 2023
My friend told me that while his wife was out of town, he and his kids reorganized the kitchen and bought a new living room couch. He thought it would be a fun surprise. I’ll miss that dude.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 27, 2023 ">
My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 26, 2023
My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 26, 2023 ">
I’m so pleased the basket I put in the bedroom so my husband has somewhere to put his shoes is making it easier for him to put his shoes next to it.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) July 27, 2023
I’m so pleased the basket I put in the bedroom so my husband has somewhere to put his shoes is making it easier for him to put his shoes next to it.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) July 27, 2023 ">
Is anyone else’s husband a sucker for frivolous purchases? I just sent mine to the grocery store for milk and eggs and he came home with an inflated lobster raft strapped to the roof of the car.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) July 27, 2023
Is anyone else’s husband a sucker for frivolous purchases? I just sent mine to the grocery store for milk and eggs and he came home with an inflated lobster raft strapped to the roof of the car.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) July 27, 2023 ">
On the next "Unsolved Mysteries" my wife and I investigate how there aren't enough hangers for the clothes we washed when they were on hangers before we wore them.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) July 25, 2023
