25 Women Are Opening Up About The "Hard-To-Swallow Pill" They've Learned As Adults, And I Wasn't Expecting This Range

·6 min read

As hard as it is to admit, sometimes there are things in life you have to come to terms with, no matter how hard you try to ignore the truth.

TXN TV Tokyo / Via Giphy

And even though it might take a few times to receive and understand the message that life is trying to throw at you, the lesson will most likely change your life for the better.

That's why Reddit user u/Aggravating_Sea_140, asked the r/AskWomen Reddit group, "Ladies, what’s a hard-to-swallow pill you’ve learned over the years?" And the responses are relatable, honest, and downright vulnerable. We gathered a few for you below.

1."Judge someone by their depravities, not their virtues. Virtues can be faked; depravities are as real as it gets."

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2."Despite how much you may be called 'aggressive' or 'mean' for standing up for yourself, having firm opinions, being assertive, and not compromising on your values, NOTHING about that is mean — and fuck anyone who says otherwise."

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3."Just because someone has the same interests or personality as you doesn’t mean they’ll make a good friend or be a good person."

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4."When people treat your poorly, it is a reflection of themselves and their inner world, and it most often has nothing to do with you. (Unless, of course, you’re an asshole that is simply getting karma for being a shitty person. This is where self-awareness and discernment are key.)"

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5."I've learned that I can be a bad friend to myself. My inner voice needs to be more compassionate and that’s something I’ve really had to work on."

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6."That seeing someone's potential means nothing unless they try to fulfill it on their own."

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7."You can do everything right and still get fucked. You can’t control that."

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8."After about the age of 25, I realized I had to work to stay healthy — physically and otherwise. Did not see that coming. It felt really unfair at first, then I realized that if that's my bar for unfair, then I've had a pretty fucking good life so far, and I should count my blessings and go run."

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9."If they like you, you won’t be confused."

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10."You can love someone deeply, and still recognize that they are not a good fit for you. Ending a relationship is sometimes the greatest act of love."

NebulaKat

11."That it’s ok to be ugly/unattractive. This was so hard to learn because I was taught my whole life that if I wasn’t attractive, I was worthless. I spent YEARS punishing myself mentally and physically in the hopes that it would make me prettier and that one day, I’d wake up good-looking and finally have worth. Now I’m 28 and after many years, I have accepted the unattractiveness. I am happier than I’ve ever been. I am free."

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12."That sometimes you can be the toxic one, even if you have the best intentions. Accountability is important."

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13."If a man is pushy about small things, he will probably be pushy in other ways, too."

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14."Love and partnership isn’t guaranteed to everyone. Growing up, I didn’t have a big interest in having a boyfriend but always assumed I’d find the 'The One' because that’s what always happens, right? Wrong. I’ve been single my whole life but suddenly… it didn't bother me anymore. I learned that being single is not a death sentence, it’s still a life worth living and it’s no less fulfilling than a married one. Having a partner is not the achievement we are taught it is, and our lives certainly don’t depend on it."

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15."Your parents are people with their own issues."

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16."There’s going to come a point where the right thing to do won’t feel good at all. There are some things in life that you have to do, and they will break you down and hurt more than anything. But they’re still the right thing to do. And you will have to live with that."

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17."You can be everything they want and they will want something else."

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18."I am never going to be thin and that’s perfectly fine. Turns out it’s a lot easier to live your life when you’re not constantly consumed with hating your own body!"

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19."If they wanted to, they would. Don’t settle for the bare minimum expectations from someone. This applies not just to romantic relationships but friendships as well."

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20."That our bodies have an expiration date to have children. The longer you wait, or the longer it takes to find a partner that you can actually see your life with, the higher the risk it is to try and conceive."

"Sometimes I also believe women often feel pressured to have kids before they are truly ready (mentally, physically, financially), just because the chances to have a healthy baby are higher at a younger age."

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21."Your parents don’t actually always know or want what’s best for you, sometimes it is what’s best for them and/or the society they lived in."

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22."You can wait until a circumstance motivates you out of your bad habits, but banking on future motivation risks you wasting most of your life."

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23."People still don't owe you anything even if you're willing to risk your life for them. It's still their decision if they're gonna lift a finger for you and you shouldn't feel entitled for anyone's time and attention."

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24."You can only tell certain things to certain friends. Some friends can be there for any work problem but won't give you what you need if you’re having family problems. Instead of shutting out friends that can’t be emotionally available for every aspect of my life, you compromise and keep them around knowing you’ll only be able to share so much with them."

"And that compromise is better than losing a friend altogether. And that it’s your responsibility to manage your expectations — not to change their behavior."

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25."Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. Regardless of how much it hurts, sometimes you just have to let people go."

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Have you learned any hard-to-swallow pills lately? If yes, how did you feel when you realized this life lesson? Tell us in the comments below.

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