3 great novels about loving a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist
Everybody appreciates a good love story, especially around Valentine’s Day. They instill hope and inspire dreams. Yet, romantic novels also remind us that love is not necessarily enough to create a successful long-term relationship, particularly when one is involved with a partner who has narcissistic traits.
Early in a relationship, dating someone with narcissistic traits can be exciting. They often first appear incredibly charming, charismatic and skillfully seductive. But over time, their fragile self-esteem and hidden self-loathing keep them seeking out constant admiration and emotional propping up, often at their partner’s expense. The biggest issue for partner intimacy, however, is that real emotional connection requires empathy, caring about a partner’s needs and feelings, and emotional availability. Unfortunately, narcissists tend to focus, almost exclusively, on their own needs and desires above all else.
Page-turners:3 great psychological thrillers, according to a clinical psychologist
It can be very confusing and overwhelming when a partner appears outwardly confident, but quickly changes into someone almost unrecognizable when they disagree with or perceive criticism, even if offered constructively. In the course of a seemingly normal couple conversation, they may suddenly respond with intense heat or cold detachment and will often turn it around to judge you, criticize you, diminish you, twist the truth, and even blame you for simply having a differing viewpoint.
The following engaging novels highlight determined women who are navigating relationships with partners whose entitlement, need for excessive admiration and lack of empathy make their futures a true challenge.
'The Three Mrs. Wrights' by Linda Keir
Three smart, beautiful and accomplished women share one terrible mistake, and his name is Jonathan Wright, the president and CEO of Cancura, a startup that has developed a simple way to detect childhood cancer. Holly, his wife of nearly 20 years, is a successful pediatrician, has raised three children, and has founded a meaningful charity. She’s proud of building a marriage that has endured but can’t bring herself to examine the widening cracks too closely. At a medical conference, Jonathan meets talented oncologist Jessica Meyers and recruits her for Cancura and to become the second Mrs. Wright. When Jonathan also charms Lark Robinson, a beautiful, biracial, young LA entrepreneur, this serial liar may finally get the ending he really deserves.
Why read it? This juicy, clever, satisfying page-turner is part love story and part thriller that tackles meaty issues of human ambition, false intimacy and the need for boundaries and support in dealing with narcissists.
'The Other Einstein' by Marie Benedict
Who was Mileva Maric? She was a brilliant, accomplished physicist during a time when female scientists were almost unheard of and given little regard. She was born disabled by a congenital hip defect and never expected any man to be seriously interested in her. Yet, when she meets Albert Einstein in school in Zurich in 1896, she is pursued by this determined young man. Maric welcomes Einstein’s romantic interest as long as it doesn’t impede her academic interests. They share a passion for science, but with an out-of-wedlock birth of their first daughter, Lieserl, their subsequent marriage, and Albert’s drive for the limelight, their relationship ultimately becomes one of neglect and seeming abuse. In addition to her personal pain, there is significant speculation that Maric not only supported his research but also helped him with the math and may actually have laid the real groundwork for the theory of relativity.
Why read it? This is a stunning, intensely poignant and powerful reimagining of the personal relationship between Maric and Einstein. From their earliest collaborations, which reduce Maric from Albert’s intellectual equal to the shadows, to his efforts to deceive her about his infidelity and neglect during a period of profound grief, this is the story of an incredible woman who possesses extraordinary strength.
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'The Younger Wife' by Sally Hepworth
Stephen Aston is a 60-something heart surgeon at the top of his game and is getting married again to Heather, an attractive woman younger than his two adult daughters, Tully and Rachel. While the impending nuptials are expected, it is hard for the girls to cope with a sense of betrayal. Stephen isn't yet divorced from their mother, Pamela, who suffers from advanced dementia. Heather is, of course, the assumed villain here – a gold digger – and responsible for the family's unraveling. Heather may have her own agenda, but Rachel and Tully have their own very dark and difficult secrets that prevent them from really seeing who their father is and how this dysfunctional family drama came to fruition.
Why read it? This incredibly fast-paced, emotionally charged, twisty psychological thriller is packed with suspense but gives voice to some very serious topics, including misogyny, verbal abuse, gaslighting and domestic violence.
Book Smart is a monthly column by Nancy Harris, of Scituate, a practicing psychologist and a former instructor of psychology at Harvard Medical School.
This article originally appeared on The Patriot Ledger: Novels about loving a narcissist, according to a clinical psychologist
