Here are 3 helpful phrases to use during the holidays
“The most wonderful time of the year.”
This phrase is closely associated in our culture with the holidays – and for good reason. The holidays can be a time to connect or reconnect with people important to you; a time to carry out traditions that bring positive energy; and a time to enjoy food, sights and sounds that aren’t always available year-round.
But, holiday seasons can also bring a stress all their own.
As someone relishes in the delight of their out-of-town guest, someone else is missing their loved one. Some may be delighted to have their day-to-day schedule changed up a bit with celebrations or time off work, while others crave the routine. And the extra lights, music and aromas in the air can produce totally different responses – for some, joy; for others, overstimulation.
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The key to navigating all of this is easier than you might think. It involves getting comfortable with three phrases, and using them generously with your loved ones this holiday season.
The first one is “How are you doing today?” We often ask one another “How are you?” in a well-meaning albeit passive way. Over the next several weeks, add that word “today” and really listen to the response. Someone may be more inclined to share their current state of mind, even if they’re responding to something “little,” which can build connection and allow for more open sharing more often – which is healthy for all of us.
The second one is “How can I support you?” It’s human nature to want to help someone if we see they’re going through a hard time. But, we often help in the way we think is best. (And we may or may not be actually helping.) If you know someone who might need support, ask them directly what specifically might help ease their stress or worries.
Finally, get comfortable with the phrase “No thank you.” You might need to say it to maintain your own peace of mind, or you may need to accept that phrase from someone else, as they work to preserve their peace of mind. (Individuals have differences in how much social time feels right for them. Use grace when someone’s social battery has run low – opting out can be a powerful act of self-care.) Know that “no thank you” is an option for you and those you typically make plans with.
With these three phrases at the ready, you might find it a bit easier to achieve a good balance over the coming days and weeks that works for you and those around you. Think of it as a time to practice carefully paying attention to those around you and being a source of comfort, not a source of additional stress.
And every Stark County resident has a 24/7/365 resource to access in the event of any type of crisis situation: Call 330-452-6000 to access the Coleman Crisis Mobile Response Team, which can come to you anywhere in the county. (The same team can be accessed by simply dialing 988, as well.)
John Aller, PCC, LICDC, is the executive director of Stark County Mental Health & Addiction Recovery (StarkMHAR).
This article originally appeared on The Repository: Three helpful phrases to use during the stressful holidays
