32 Spot-On Tweets About Road Trips With Kids
The kids are fighting in the backseat, someone is hungry, someone has to pee — and you haven’t even finished backing out of the driveway. There is no test of parenting stamina quite like the family road trip. Whether you’re navigating behind the wheel or negotiating sibling conflict and snack requests from the passenger’s side, the whole endeavor will require you to summon every last drop of your patience.
Having a sense of humor about the ordeal can help. Here are some parents’ witty observations about what it’s like to travel by car with kids.
My 17 year old asked if he could “opt out” of the family road trip.
Trust me kid, if opting out was an option I would have done that years ago.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 25, 2021
*road trip, day 3*
My kids are using gum as backseat currency for turns on the ipad— meghan (@deloisivete) July 15, 2023
"go big, and go at home"
- what I say to the kids before we leave on a road trip— Jon-o'-Lantern 🎃🎃 (@whoinvitedjon) March 3, 2023
As we were loading into the car for a road trip I told my kids, “poop now or forever squeeze your cheeks,” and nobody laughed. Tough crowd.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) August 13, 2021
My kids just spent an entire road trip hitting each other with half empty water bottles, but congratulations on the birth of your second child.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 3, 2019
[road trip]
Me: one more word out of you and I’ll turn this car right around!
Kid: but
Me: that’s it, BACK TO DISNEYLAND— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 6, 2019
our mom on a family road trip:
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
dont say it
kids: are we there yet??— Kamri Noel McKnight (@KamriNoel) December 14, 2018
Take a road trip with at least two excitable chimpanzees with everfull bladders, endless appetites and terrible taste in music to find out if having kids is right for you
— Friney ☕️🌷 (@dimplesticks) August 5, 2021
My 8 yr-old kid when I put on Johnny Cash during our road trip to Cali: “why do you like 18th century music?”
— Alexander Aviña (@Alexander_Avina) June 3, 2022
A harmonica is a perfect thing to send with your kid if they are going on a long road trip with your spouse.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 27, 2018
In hell, you are just on one never ending road trip with your kids watching TikTok with no headphones.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) May 30, 2022
[on 2 hr road trip w/whiny kids]
Fitbit: Time to get moving!
Me: *jumps out of car*— The Ciscokidder (@TheCiscoKidder) July 25, 2022
Take your kids on a road trip so you can listen to them have the same non-stop, petty arguments with each other but in a much smaller space where you have nowhere to hide.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) May 29, 2021
Me as a kid: “Why does Dad always grab 100 napkins whenever we stop on a road trip?”
Me as a parent: “Why did Dad only grab 100 napkins whenever we stopped on a road trip?”— Greg Tepper (@Tepper) December 23, 2019
I've never wanted my life to simulate "The Oregon Trail" more than right now, while on a road trip with two whining kids and wishing for the sweet release of dysentery.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 4, 2019
I drive a garbage truck, only it’s my minivan after a road trip with my kids
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 2, 2022
We just saw three kids have an epic mid-road-trip meltdown at a gas station.
My first twin: “Wow, they’re being horrible.”
My second twin: “GuaranTEE we sound like that to other families all the time.”— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) July 26, 2023
I thought the kids were old enough to handle a road trip but my 516 month old had a really hard time
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 26, 2023
We are 20 mins it’s into an 8-hr road trip and I feel like it’s going to be worthy of an ongoing thread.
Five mins in, Me: I hope all you fools packed toothbrushes.
Four kids: we did!
Husband: shit.— JBR (@jbradleyrushing) April 17, 2022
Just put on Steve Miller’s The Joker during a road trip and one of my kids said, “All rise for the Boomer National Anthem.”
— Gremliny Nussboo (@emilynussbaum) April 17, 2022
{road trip rest stop}
Ok kids, get out and walk around!
-But why?
Because I said so
-But why?
To stretch your legs
-But why?
SO YOU DON'T GET BLOOD CLOTS AND DIE
{20 minutes later, on the road}
"Mommy I think I have a blood glob"— Marloween (@Marlebean) February 12, 2020
Number one rule of road trip: if kid falls asleep in the car it's gonna be 6 hrs into the drive, 10 min from final destination. #roadtrip#parenting
— Amy G Dala MD (@AmyGDalaMD) July 4, 2019
You become a dad when your kid is born, you become a father when you play “The Happy Song” 12 times in a row because it’s the only thing holding your kid together on a 3 day road trip.
— Cody Townsend (@codytownsend) February 21, 2022
Kids can only operate at two noise levels during a road trip: Loud or Oppressively Loud.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 6, 2021
We are on a road trip.
My kids are playing hide and seek. On a road trip. While strapped down in a car on the Interstate.
It pretty much consists of taking turns slowly counting to ten and then yelling “FOUND YOU!”— Josiah Hawthorne (@JosiahHawthorne) July 17, 2021
I'm just a mom standing in front of this car asking my kids not to fight on this road trip.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) June 26, 2022
Me: Okay kids, no fighting on this road trip.
Both kids, eyes glowing red: I’m sorry, Mom. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
* 2019: A Honda Odyssey*— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) December 2, 2019
Haven’t left the driveway for this fun family road trip and I already want to throw a kid out the window
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) July 27, 2022
A haunted hayride but you’re in a car with kids on a long road trip with only one phone charger and their batteries are all at 2%.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 22, 2022
I’m not sure if my kids are making memories on this road trip as much as taking a sampling tour of the chicken tenders at every restaurant along our route.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 11, 2021
While on a family road trip
My Kid: Dad, can I play on your phone now?
Me: for the last time, no, and stop asking
My Kid: How about at the next stop light?
Me: sure...
Narrator: The next stop light was 90 miles away, and 4 miles from their destination— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) September 3, 2023
My wife: How does a summer road trip with the kids sound?
Me: Sounds like we had a good run.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 3, 2022
