You ever wonder how to hire a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day? It's easy! Just put him on a ladder.
Did you hear about the Irishman who quit mining for gold? Apparently, it didn't pan out.
If you like those Irish-inspired puns, then you're going to love this collection of St. Patrick's Day jokes that pay homage to the biggest paddy, er, party, of the year.
Whatever your annual St. Patty's Day tradition is, whether it's cooking up a pot of corned beef and cabbage or meeting up with your pals to share a few pints at the pub, these corny one-liners, bad-but-good dad jokes and knock-knocks will have everyone Dublin over in laughter.
Looking for a leprechaun joke to caption an Instagram post? A groan-worthy one-liner to send to your Irish relatives? A bad pun to send in a text? No need to travel to the ends of the rainbow to get 'em because all the treasure you seek is directly below and all you need to do is to add them to your arsenal of anecdotes.
That way, when March 17 rolls around, you'll be ready to keep friends and family in stitches all day long.
But why wait? Start the celebration early with this positively golden collection of St. Patrick's Day jokes that will leave everyone green with envy.
Irish dad jokes for St. Patrick's Day
Why did the leprechaun go the home store? He needed paddy o' furniture.
Why did the leprechaun cross the rainbow? To get to the pot of gold.
Where can you be sure to find gold on St. Patrick's Day? In the dictionary.
Why are leprechauns so good at karate? They've got a black belt.
How do you hire a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day? Put him on a ladder.
Why don't leprechauns hate doing taxes? Because they're elf-employed.
How did the leprechaun get to the moon? On a sham-rocket.
Why did the Irishman stop mining for gold? It didn't pan out.
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
How can you tell if your Irish jokes are funny? Everyone's Dublin over in laughter.
What do ghosts drink to celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Boo-ze.
Why do people wear shamrocks to celebrate St. Patty's? Because real rocks are too heavy.
How do leprechauns tell time? They use sham-clocks.
What kind of spells do Irish witches cast? Lucky charms.
How can you tell if a potato isn't Irish? When it's a French fry.
Why can't you iron four-leaf clovers? Because you should never press your luck.
What do you call a stone that pretends to be Irish? A sham-rock.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Because real rocks would be too heavy.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
Leprechaun jokes for St. Patrick's Day
Why are leprechauns so good at gardening? Because they have a green thumb.
What's a leprechaun's favorite movie? "Green Lantern."
How do leprechauns pay for groceries? They use lepre-coins.
Why do leprechauns make good secretaries? They know shorthand.
How do you get a leprechaun's attention? Say, "Look clover there!"
Why didn't the leprechaun cross the road? He was waiting for the light to turn green.
Did you hear about the leprechaun who won the race? He knew a shortcut.
How can you tell when a leprechaun is jealous? They turn green with envy.
What do you get when two leprechauns meet up for lunch? A lot of small talk.
Why are leprechauns such good listeners? Because they are all ears.
What do leprechauns learn in school? The elf-a-bet.
What do you call a leprechaun that finds a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? Welfy.
Did you hear about the leprechaun that opened his own store? Now he's a small business owner.
Why did the leprechaun super-glue his book? He wanted a story he couldn't put down.
St. Patrick's Day knock-knock jokes
Knock-knock! Who's there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a very Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Lucky. Lucky who? Lucky you, it's St. Patty's Day!
Knock-knock! Who's there? Brighton. Brighton who? Brighton early, that's when I begin celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Dora Belle. Dora Belle who? Dora Belle is broken, so the leprechauns will have to knock.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Aisle. Aisle who? Aisle be wearing green on St. Patty's so I don't get pinched!
Knock-knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know there's gold at the end of a rainbow.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana pint of Guinness!
Knock-knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby St. Patrick's Day.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel be happy to know I'm Irish!
Knock-knock! Who's there? Donna. Donna who? Donna forget to leave your shoes out for the leprechauns!
Knock-knock! Who's there? S'more. S'more who? S'more St. Patty's jokes coming your way!
Knock-knock! Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah a good pub around here?
Knock-knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida plate of corned beef and cabbage and now I'm full.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to celebrate St. Patty's Day.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is St. Patrick's Day.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Yule. Yule who? Yule be sorry if don't wear green on St. Patty's.
Knock-knock! Who's there? Erin. Erin who? Erin go Bragh, of course!
This article was originally published on TODAY.com