7 ridiculously large sex toys to help you go big in the bedroom
This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
Size matters — at least when it comes to sex toys.
If you're looking to treat yourself in the bedroom there are millions of sex toys to choose from, but one of the greatest things about masturbating is you're totally in control.
You decide how to pleasure yourself, which means you have the option to go big — like, really really big — if you so choose.
SEE ALSO: Actual things you can do to bridge the orgasm gap in your own bedroom
There are some ridiculously massive sex toys on the market these days — some so large they're almost comical. But hey, we're not here to judge. You do you... literally.
From traditional vibrators to more complex machines and lifelike dolls, here are seven giant sex toys out there in the world waiting for some love.
1. 3fap
Great news men of the world who think one hole just isn't enough: The 3fap masturbation device spoils the heck out of you by providing THREE HOLES.
For just $80 you can dip into a mouth, vagina, AND anus hole using the same damn machine. And if you're looking for even more variety, an extra $30 will get you an additional sleeve that features replicas of the beauty contest-winning "three most beautiful vulvas in the world." What more could you ask for?
Image: 3fap
2. Wanachi Mega Massager
If you've always dreamed of owning a sex toy that resembles the club Bamm-Bamm Rubble holds on The Flintstones, or a more dramatic version of one one those hilarious giant turkey legs people eat at Renaissance fairs, you're in luck. The Wanachi Mega Massager is that sex toy.
At nearly 17 inches tall, with a 4.5 inch silicone head, the vibrator is freakin' enormous and, uh, probably requires two hands. The device lets users choose from ten pulsation patterns and runs on electricity via a seven foot power cord.
Here's the device in the hands of a real human for scale.
Image: Wanachi Mega Massager/amazon
You can purchase the massager on Amazon or other online sex shops for less than $100.
3. Destructor Plug
What would a large-ass list of sex toys be without a really huge butt plug?
If you're seeking some stimulation in your rear end look no further than the Destructor Plug. If name alone doesn't convince you the size is no joke, the measurements will. The Destructor butt plug is 9 inches overall length, with an insertable length of 7 inches. And did we mention it weighs more than three pounds? Yeah.
Image: Destructor Plug/amazon
The plug costs around $40 online, but is definitely not for beginners, so you might want to consider the smaller size, which is still quite long at 7.5 inches.
4. Picobong Transformer
Though the Transformer might look too mighty, this double-ended vibrator is one of the most revolutionary sex toys around.
Not only is it an impressive 25.5 inches in total length, but it serves many purposes, transforming into a cock-ring, a G-spot stimulator, a clitoral or prostate massager, and much more. Its flexible silicone composition and unique design makes it a perfect sex toy for anyone.
Image: Picobong Transformer/lelo
The innovative toy sells on Amazon for $100 and comes in three colors.
5. The Motorbunny
Tired of classic sex toys? The Motorbunny sex machine might be what you've been missing.
The motorized ride-on vibrator is essentially a mechanical bull for the bedroom that women, men, and even couples can use to spice things up. It costs a whopping $899, but the starter kit comes with the Motorbunny machine, three different attachments, a Bunny Rest bench, and more. There's also a bunch of additional accessories and attachments you can invest in to personalize the experience to your specifications.
Image: Motorbunny
6. RealDolls
Have some serious cash you're dying to invest in sex toys? I guess maybe consider buying a freakishly advanced robotic sex doll?
RealDoll sells such realistic and developed sex robots that having one as company will almost feel like you're hanging out with a real human. Almost. The life-size dolls made by Abyss Creations, LLC have the ability to engage in meaningful conversation and even orgasm. You can choose from a variety of pre-made models on-site, or even build your own.
A post shared by RealDoll (@abyssrealdoll) on Mar 16, 2018 at 10:18am PDT
Unfortunately, these dolls will set you back thousands of dollars, so if you're wallet doesn't find that price too sexy you might want to opt for a good old inflatable doll instead.
7. The Moby
Behold, the whale of all dick replicas — the Moby.
Dubbed the "World's Largest Dildo," the Moby is nearly three feet tall and weighs more than 50 pounds. I am fairly certain no one needs this item in their lives, but here it is, being sold for $577.61.
If you're looking for a large and far more easily used dildo, we highly recommend you shop for something a bit more reasonably sized and use the Moby as a ridiculously extravagant bachelorette party centerpiece or perhaps as some truly tasteful art for your living room.
Image: The moby/amazon
If you do take the leap and purchase a mondo sex toy, be sure to keep safety and product care in mind.
Go forth and self-pleasure.
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