Hi, These Are the Best Dating Apps for All Your Non-Monogamous Needs
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Love it or hate it, dating in the age of apps is simultaneously easier and harder than ever. Yes, we’ve never had access to such a broad pool of potential dates, flings, and partners. But you know what they say: more matches, more problems. And if you’re a polyamorous (or otherwise non-monogamous) dater using dating apps to find like-minded non-monogamists, navigating life and love in the time of Tinder can be that much more complicated.
“It’s really hard, just by the nature of polyamory itself, to find experienced and dope polyamorous folks…no matter what app you’re on,” says Jessica Levity, polyamorous educator and entertainer. “I think ENM (ethically non-monogamous) folks should be aware of the reality of dating app burnout. In general, using dating apps is a ‘numbers game,’ and that numbers game is even harder for ENM folks because it’s a smaller sample size.”
That’s not to say there’s no hope, however. In case you haven’t heard, we’re living in a brave new world of dating apps specifically designed for polyamorous and non-monogamous daters. In recent years, platforms like Feeld and #Open have created online dating spaces curated with the unique needs and desires of the poly/non-monogamous community in mind. Meanwhile, as non-monogamy continues to increase in popularity and visibility, even mainstream dating sites, like OkCupid, have expanded their offerings to better suit the needs of daters who may be interested in alternative relationship styles.
Of course, as polyamory educator and TikTok creator Morgan K., founder of ChillPolyamory, notes, you can find non-monogamous connections on any dating app, provided you’re upfront with your matches about what you’re looking for (and ensure they’re also on the same page).
“For all non-monogamous folks, transparent communication is crucial, and that starts on dating apps,” says Sam Cat, a queer non-monogamy educator for Shrimp Teeth. “Whatever platform you choose, make sure that you’re clear with your intentions and you ask clarifying questions.”
That said, while mainstream dating apps like Tinder and Bumble may grant you access to a wider pool of potential matches, non-monogamous daters might actually find it more productive to focus on platforms tailored to their community.
“One of the benefits of using a dating app is that it allows you to filter and sort potential dates by interests and compatibility,” says certified intimacy educator Stella Harris, author of Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships and The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes. “So if you're polyamorous/non-monogamous, online dating will be easiest on an app that’s geared towards these communities, or that allows you to sort by relationship style.”
Now, what might those apps be? So glad you asked. Below, polyamorous (and/or poly-curious) reader, are the best polyamorous dating apps and sites for non-monogamous folks. Whether you’re in an open relationship, part of a couple seeking a threesome, or an otherwise non-monogamous person looking to explore any of the wide range of relationship styles outside of monogamous ones, one of these dating apps could be the key to connecting you with like-minded folks. Your next adventure in non-monogamy awaits!
1.Feeld
If you’re at all familiar with polyamory, chances are you’ve at least heard of Feeld. Formerly called 3nder, Feeld bills itself as “a sex-positive space for humans looking to explore dating beyond the norm.” When you make your profile, you can upload photos of yourself, link your account to a partner, and specify your “interests” and “desires.” There are a litany of options in terms of choosing your gender identity and sexuality as well as the types of accounts you want to see. If you don’t want to see couples? Cool. If you’d like to see only women? Great. It allows you to tailor toward the experience you’re looking for.
2. #Open
With a mission to "accept people of all gender identities and orientations, from all walks of life, in any sort of relationship that makes you happy, no matter what gets you going,” #Open is one of the most inclusive dating apps out there. Rave reviews highlight the platform’s easy-to-use interface and wide variety of gender and interest options. Whatever flavor of non-monogamy happens to be of interest, #Open is a great place to explore it with other open-minded people.
3. Headero
While Headero may not be exclusively for polyamorous daters, it does pride itself on providing a sex-positive, kink-friendly, and open-minded environment where daters all of all kinds (seeking all kinds of relationships and encounters) can feel empowered to be upfront about whatever it is they’re looking for.
4. 3Fun
If group sex is what you seek in your non-monogamous dating life, then 3Fun is the answer. “3Fun is the best dating app out there for couples and singles who are looking for multi-partnered fun,” says certified sex educator and 3Fun sexpert Gigi Engle. In addition to providing a platform tailored to the shared needs and desires of threesome-seekers, 3Fun also scores major points for security and discretion—which, as Engle notes, can be a huge factor for some folks seeking multi-partnered sexperiences.
5. OkCupid
As far as mainstream dating apps go, I think it’s fair to say that OkCupid has long been ahead of the curve in terms of inclusivity. In 2014, the app added expanded gender and sexuality options for users to select. And in 2016, it added non-monogamy options. That, along with the questionnaire-driven algorithm, allows folks to more easily pursue what they’re looking for—and filter out what they’re not.
Of course, there will never be a perfect dating app for all non-monogamous folks. And despite non-monogamy becoming more popular, the bulk of singles are still seeking more traditional relationships. That said, it is possible to find relationships that fit your needs as an ethically non-monogamous person on “regular” dating apps. You just might have to look a little deeper.
Here’s hoping dating apps evolve to become even more polyamory-friendly, because the irony lies in the fact that folks who practice non-monogamy are the ideal customers for dating apps—we keep them even after we fall in love.
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