Abbey's Road: Ode to a father's love

Dearest daughters,

Right now you are 6, 10 and 13, and I know you haven’t given much thought to qualities you would like to see in your future spouses. This is fine with me: Please play with Legos and climb trees and make up dance routines with your besties as long as you possibly can.

But when you’re done with that, find yourself a man who is willing to embarrass himself a little bit because he loves you.

Sincerely,

Mom

Abbey's Road: An exercise in endurance

You can’t necessarily tell when you’re gazing across the table at your favorite college pizza joint, starstruck by young love, whether the person opposite you might someday let grubby little hands braid his hair in a public place or wear a bright orange shirt that says “Smitherson Family Disney Trip 2019.” Partially because this sort of willingness might not be entirely developed until one crosses the threshold known as Parenthood; partially because it takes time to hone, even if you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing.

But allow me to present you with a case study.

Anyone who has been reading this column for a decent length of time knows all three of our girls — Bookworm, 13; The Architect, 10; and Tiny, 6 — have been figure skating for a few years.

The two eldest loved their lessons so much that when I turned 36, I decided to take an adult figure skating class to dip my toes into their world. It was a wonderful adventure and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

All the while, Mr. Roy watched from the cold bleachers, making sure I didn’t break any bones and cheering me on in his own quiet way. (That is to say, mentally.)

I haven’t taken a class since that time two years ago, but I’ll never forget how rewarding it was and the respect it gave me for the sport my kids adore.

Fast-forward to this past weekend after another skating competition, when I mentioned to Mr. Roy the idea of doing a “family spotlight” — a skating program involving two or more family members — sometime in the future.

“Maybe next year all three girls could do something together. Or I could even join,” I said offhandedly.

He looked a little sad for a second.

“What?” I said.

“I thought it would be something we would … all do,” he said.

I stared at him for a second before scooping my jaw off the floor.

“You would … DO that?” I said.

“I mean, I’d have to take, like, some basic lessons. Or something,” he said. “But yeah, I’d do it.”

Abbey's Road: A nod to unsung athletes

Two days later, I sat in the cold bleachers and watched him determinedly make his way in hockey skates from one end of the rink to the other. He’s no Nathan Chen, but I couldn’t have been prouder.

Back in the days of college-town pizza and doing life for ourselves, I didn’t see this side of my now-husband: The side that is willing to put his pride on hold (any adult who has attempted ice skating as a beginner knows this is a necessity) so he can do something that connects him with the ones he loves.

Yet here he was, 37 years young, trying a brand-new thing because his three girls love it and he wants that strongly to be a part of their lives. I don’t know of many dads who would do that, and it makes me incredibly proud and thankful.

Moms, dads, parents, grandparents, guardians who are reading this: It speaks volumes to your kids when you are willing to get on their level. Even if it means looking silly. Or falling. Or failing.

You don’t have to be GOOD at it — that’s not the point.

The point is that you care enough about their passions to try to understand them in an up-close and personal way.

I know Tiny will never forget seeing her dad in the class next to her on the ice. And I’m pretty sure I won’t, either.

Love can look like a lot of different things. For us, this week, it was a 37-year-old man in a winter coat and jeans, taking a beginner ice skating class. And it was beautiful.

Abbey Roy is a mom of three girls who make every day an adventure. She writes to maintain her sanity. You can probably reach her at amroy@nncogannett.com, but responses are structured around bedtimes and weekends.

This article originally appeared on Newark Advocate: Father takes ice skating lessons for his daughters