Actress Keke Palmer’s claims of domestic violence should be believed, not belittled | Opinion
Actress Keke Palmer has reportedly filed a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Darius Jackson, alleging that Jackson was both physically and emotionally abusive during their two-year relationship together — going to prove that no matter how famous, or how beautiful or put together someone may look, domestic violence will spare no one.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. That equates to more than 10 million women and men, yearly.
Opinion
On Friday, Palmer and her 10-month-old son Leodis were granted a temporary restraining order against Jackson, which states that he will not be able to see the child until a hearing on Dec. 5, and must stay at least 100 yards away from both Palmer and their son until then. According to the NCADV, 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to the violence.
Men have tried to punish me before for saying this, but they can’t stop me and so I say it to you again now: I believe women, and I believe Palmer, too.
In a personal declaration attached to Palmer’s emergency restraining order application, the actress alleged there were “many instances of physical violence, including striking and grabbing me around the neck, descriptions of Darius destroying my personal property, including diaries and prescription eyeglasses, throwing my belongings into the street, throwing my car keys to prevent me from driving away, hitting me in front of our son, spewing profanities about me to our son, threatening to kill himself with a gun if I left him, harassment, and other physical and emotional abuse.”
In July of this year, cracks began to show publicly in the relationship when Jackson called out Palmer on social media for wearing what he thought was an inappropriate dress to an Usher concert in Las Vegas. Jackson wrote online that he “doesn’t want the wife & mother to his kids to showcase booty cheeks to please others,” and was subsequently called out by Palmer’s supporters for his comments.
But just as celebrity will not protect a woman, neither will a restraining order. In fact, abusers will often go to extremes to keep their victims from leaving, and studies have shown that the most dangerous time for a battered woman is the days and weeks after she decides to leave. “One study found in interviews with men who have killed their wives that either threats of separation by their partner or actual separations were most often the precipitating events that lead to the murder,” states the National Coalition on its website.
I believe women’s stories of violence and abuse, and I believe that they often have little to no choice in staying or leaving. I believe they are often scared for themselves, scared for their children and scared for their very lives as they are subject to repeated intimidation, manipulation and fear tactics.
I also believe that battered women are set up to be vilified, ignored, belittled and abused further by a public woefully uninformed about what domestic violence and its victims look like, aided by societal standards and outdated gender roles that keep Americans in the dark about just how many people are abused daily by their partners in this country.
Abused women walk the world with a smile on their face, and the second they let the world in for a glimpse of their personal hell, they’re ignored, their pain is trivialized and their proof dismissed — and yet the world wonders why rape, violence and battery is so massively under-reported.
Palmer has done the hardest thing in the world for a battered woman, and she’s done it entirely in the public eye. She deserves our support, not our scrutiny.
