'Adam has always been there for James': Hampton native named Big Brother of the Year

HAMPTON — Adam O’Kane admits that he was a bit bowled over when he started to read a post on the Big Brothers Big Sisters of New Hampshire website listing the nominees for Big Brother of the Year in New Hampshire.

So much so that he never scrolled down far enough to see that his own bio was on the list.

“I read some of the bios and was thinking, ‘wow, these people are so clearly better than me,’” O’Kane recalled. “I just felt proud to be associated with the same organization as they were honestly.”

A few days later, however, the 31-year-old Hampton native learned that he had not only been nominated, but had been tabbed as the winner. The organization picked O’Kane and a corresponding Big Sister of the Year, out of a pool of 48 nominations. O’Kane’s unwavering support for his little brother, James, through the pandemic and a series of moves were noted in his nomination letter by Big Brothers Big Sisters of New Hampshire Match Specialist Kerry Bradshaw.

“Adam has always been there for James helping him through various transitions as a consistent and caring adult in his life,” Bradshaw wrote. “Adam is kind, caring and thoughtful and always takes the time to listen to exactly how James is doing and what is going on in his life. Adam goes above and beyond in his role as a mentor and is always available to offer advice and support.”

O’Kane’s first experience working with children was during his college days at UNH when he worked as a counselor at the FUN after-school program in Hampton.

“I just fell in love with it very quickly,” O’Kane enthused. “I was there for years and got so much out of it. It was such a life-enriching experience.”

In 2017, O’Kane left the after-school program for a job with a creative agency in Portsmouth and instantly missed that one-on-one interaction with youths. Looking to rekindle that rewarding dynamic, O’Kane signed up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters of New Hampshire and after completing a thorough interview process was matched with a somewhat apprehensive 8-year-old from Brentwood named James.

Bonding over games, boogie boarding

“I remember that first meeting with him and his mom and he was clearly very shy,” said O’Kane. “Then they gave us some packets to read about potential activities we could do off in another room. I remember that he climbed right up on my chair and was perched right behind me and from that moment we were off.”

The two have engaged in a myriad of entertaining activities ever since from laser tag to countless hours riding boogie boards into the sunset in front of O’Kane’s grandparent’s house on Plaice Cove in North Hampton.

“I never saw him laugh so hard or have a smile so big than those times,” O’Kane mused of the latter. Along the way, O’Kane realized that the activities were not as important as the ability to connect in a meaningful way.

“As you bring it down a bit, it’s less about what you are doing and more that you are together,” said O’Kane.

For James, who is now 12, the relationship has been invaluable with O’Kane serving as the perfect sounding board.

“It has been nice to have someone to talk to which was something that I didn’t have before,” said James, who has enjoyed getting to know O’Kane’s wife Isabelle and their infant daughter.

Staying connected no matter what

The advent of the pandemic in 2020 looked like it might throw a major league curveball into the duo’s relationship as James and his mom Angela, who works as a surgical technician, relocated out West for her work, first to Montana and then Oregon. O’Kane, however, was determined not to lose contact with James.

“I remember going to play some basketball with him and letting him know that no matter where you guys land this will roll on as long as you want it to,” O’Kane said.

The duo’s joint love of video games, like Call of Duty, proved to be the perfect medium to bridge the sizable gap from one coast to the other.

“The games are fine, but they are really just background for conversation,” said O’Kane. “It’s kind of an excuse to talk.”

When James had trouble setting up his computer to partake in remote learning, O’Kane was able to assist and helped ease the transition of moving to two different states.

“We played a lot of games when we were in Oregon and Montana and that was fun because we could still hang out and talk,” said James, who has just recently relocated with his mom down South, but knows that O’Kane is never more than a phone call away. The two are already counting the days to a reunion this summer in New Hampshire.

“To be able to have that one-on-one contact during the pandemic where everyone is so isolated has been very special,” said James’ mom, Angela.

“For me, it has been amazing because James has had that big brother. Someone to do things with and to talk to and a male figure that I just can’t provide.”

‘It has been so fulfilling’

Looking back on the last four years O’Kane thinks he may have gotten more out of the whole experience than James has.

“It has been so fulfilling,” said O’Kane. “When you weigh (the time commitment) versus what you get out of it I have been the lucky one. I have come out so far ahead.”

In New Hampshire alone there are over 200 children on the waiting list for a Big Brother or Big Sister.

To learn more, visit their website at bbbsnh.org.

This article originally appeared on Portsmouth Herald: Hampton NH native Adam O’Kane named Big Brother of the Year