At this age, groceries are the perfect Christmas gift
Growing older is only looked on as a positive if you’re waiting to become a 16-year-old or when one wants to hit the 21-year-old mark.
The older I get the more I become aware that crow’s feet are NOT just a part of a crow’s anatomy. My face seems to have developed a habit of growing its own crop of these things overnight.
At one time in my life I was a perfect size 7. Now that perfection has taken flight from even my shoe size. Spring isn’t the only thing that’s busting out.
I used to give my daughter the latest doll for Christmas. Now she’s returning the favor by gifting me with a doll from my youth. “It’s an antique, Mom,” Vicci says. “You like antiques.”
Recently my life partner asked for a new recliner for Christmas. He wants one that has a seat in it that elevates so much that, if they aren’t careful, they will be ejected clear across the room. I told him I’d only purchase such an item if it included a seat belt (he thought I was kidding!).
At this point the reader must not laugh. They, too, are growing older as they finish each sentence.
As we girls travel the road to motherhood, grandmotherhood and beyond, male hormones tend to make themselves at home on our faces so that a razor becomes just another item for use at bath time. (I’ve always felt sorry for the men in our family because they had to shave every day. Never did I realize that time would play a trick on me as I "graduated" in age.)
Now the hair on my head needs all the encouragement I can give it to keep the current "crop." I’ve spent quite a few dollars trying all the "fertilizers" that are said to promote hair growth while the only thing that seems to be growing is the money in the pockets of the advertisers.
Just the other day my son, Norm, asked what I wanted for Christmas. I told him, “Hair.” (He said I didn’t need a wig.)
“Give me a list of your sizes,” I was instructed.
“I really don’t need any clothes,” I let him know. “I’ve lived so long that my old clothes have come back into fashion.”
“Yes, Mother,” he said in a stern voice, ”but, unfortunately your size has changed. I need a list of your current sizes.”
“My current sizes are really none of your business,” I informed the smart mouth. (I never have been able to stand a smart-mouthed kid even if he is in his 60s.)
“Well, what do you want for Christmas then?”
“Peace on earth,” I informed him.
“That’s impossible,” he let me know. “Even the first brothers, Cain and Able, didn’t get along.”
“You mean to tell me that even the first parents had trouble with their children?” I informed him, knowing how irritating I can be when I switch topics of conversation when I want to change the subject.
Norm just shrugged his shoulders.
“I’ll get you a cash card at the grocery store. I know you can use that,” he said.
Boy is my son good. I just knew that given enough time he would come up with the perfect Christmas gift. Besides, his birthday will be coming up soon and I can use that to buy him some new jeans.
Faye Harris is a former Lenawee County resident who retired from North Adams Schools. She can be reached at fayeharris77@yahoo.com.
This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Faye Harris: At this age, groceries are the perfect Christmas gift
