Alone - The loss of a spouse
Bernice Bianco and I were married in a Lutheran church in Dayton, on Nov. 10, 1984. We had met in 1982 while working in Mead Paper’s World Headquarters in Dayton. It was a second marriage for both of us and Bernice was 49 years old and I was 39 years old. The age difference of 10 years was never a problem for us because we had fallen in love and wanted to live our lives together. When we married we said that we would never consider divorce and any problems we would work out. I have often quoted Ruth Graham, the lovely wife of the evangelist Billy Graham, who when asked if she had considered divorce told the interviewers that “she had not considered divorce but had considered murder.” I don’t know if Bernice (Bea) had considered murder but I don’t think so?
Shortly after our wedding I was transferred to the mill in Chillicothe, and Bea was able to secure a job there as well. It was just the first of several moves we made with my job in sales and marketing with Mead Paper. After three years my next move was to the sales office in Atlanta, Georgia.
We had a wonderful life in Atlanta where I was headquartered for seven years. Atlanta was a beautiful place and we so much enjoyed our time there making lifelong friends. After seven years I accepted a job in Mead World Headquarters and we moved to Bea’s hometown of Dayton, much to Bea’s delight. Unfortunately after three years my job in Dayton dried up and I had to accept a job in Mead’s sales office in Chicago, Illinois. We reluctantly moved to Chicago dreading what would face us in the Windy City. Much to our delight Chicago proved to be a great place and once again we enjoyed the city making more lifelong friends there. We found the people in Chicago very friendly and so, so proud of their city. Even though we enjoyed Chicago our goal was to move back to Ohio and after three years I accepted a job teaching in Mead’s Paper Knowledge School in my hometown of Chillicothe. After moving back to Chillicothe in 2000 I was able to retire from the job in 2011. In all of the places we lived we were able to travel a lot and see the sights all over the United States and Canada. Along the way we met so many wonderful people and our marriage was very happy and fulfilling. Retiring was going to be a wonderful time in our marriage where we were finally settled for good and could enjoy our golden days.
It was not to be. In 2013 Bea was having some health problems with tremors and muscle quivers. We took her to a doctor and after some testing it was determined she was suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. In the next nine years her symptoms got worse and she suffered from tremors and debilitating muscle weakness eventually leading to her being unable to move around without being in a wheelchair. In 2013 I did not know but I would spend the next nine years being a caregiver for my wife. In that nine- year period I was witness to her failing condition and medical problems. My once beautiful, active, loving, independent spouse began to decay in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do to reverse the effects of this disease. In the latter two years of her life I put her to bed at night, got her up in the morning and cared for her needs all day; she suffered so much pain in her last two years. In 2021 hospice took over her care with her living at home and me still caring for her day-by-day and hour-by-hour and then came Jan. 12, 2023.
My beautiful wife took her last breath at our home surrounded by family around 8:49 a.m. I knew it was coming but just didn’t want to think about it. I naturally was devastated and my heart felt like it had been broken into pieces. This wonderful woman so beloved by family and her many friends was gone! In the days since her death I have been lost wondering what I should do next. In our condo I see memories of her every day and am reminded of her.
My life has changed, I cannot allow myself to dwell on her passing so I have kept trying to keep myself busy and looking to new adventures. It is hard and I find myself breaking into tears during the day. I have talked to a lot of people who have lost spouses and their story is almost always the same, the loss becomes a little easier but it never goes away. With the passing of a spouse a little bit of ourselves dies never to come back. It gets lonely but I have great family support that helps. If you have a wonderful husband or wife treasure them everyday, let them know you love them.
This article originally appeared on Chillicothe Gazette: Alone - The loss of a spouse
