Amanda Kloots is dating again: Here's why we should praise — not shame — her choices

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A year after the death of her husband, Nick Cordero, Amanda Kloots revealed that she's wading into the dating pool: a revelation that garnered mixed reactions from the public.

Some were shocked that Kloots, who chronicled her husband's battle with COVID-19 on social media, was moving on.

In response, "The Talk" host, 39, took to her Instagram story to set the record straight.

"How dare you judge anyone, especially someone going through this process?" she wrote last week.

Relationship and grief experts say people in Kloots' position often date when they are healing, but in the process, they tend to endure shaming – frequently from people who have never experienced such a loss. These negative attitudes, they say, stem from widespread misconceptions about those who have been widowed and what people expect grief to look like.

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Barbara Kenyon, a professional dating coach who remarried five years after her husband's death, says moving on is often stigmatized and mistaken for "forgetting" or "betraying" your lost spouse. But there are no rules for grieving or post-loss dating.

When your husband or wife dies, you lose much more than a spouse, she says.

"There are secondary losses, like the loss of a parenting partner, loss of intimacy, loss of companionship," Kenyon explains. "So for some, dating again can temporarily remedy some of those losses, which can provide comfort and healing."

RIP: Broadway star Nick Cordero dies at 41 after coronavirus struggle highlighted by wife Amanda Kloots

Kloots, like many widows, will always love her late spouse

Widows and widowers are often judged when they start to date, says Abel Keogh, a relationship coach who remarried after his spouse died. Common criticisms lobbed their way include assumptions that it's "too soon" to get back out there or that the person is "over" the loss of their spouse.

"People who haven't been in the situation may assume you must not have loved the person, or wonder how you could be doing this, and widows and widowers understand this isn't the case," he says.

Like many widows, Kloots said she "will never, ever not love" Cordero or "go a day without" missing him.

"Even if I found amazing love again and I am beyond happy, I think every day I will miss Nick… Every day I will look at Elvis and wish Nick could see what he's doing. That will never change." Kloots and Cordero welcomed son Elvis, now 2, in 2019.

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Keogh says it's entirely possible to love your late spouse while opening your heart to others.

"You're keeping them in a special place in your heart and going about chapter two of your life to make room for someone else," he explains." So just because a widow or widower is dating again, that doesn't mean they are healed or done grieving."

Experts agree post-loss dating can be 'terrifying'

Though Kloots said she has only been on three "super-duper casual dates" since Cordero's death, she called her dating experience so far "terrifying."

"I never had to date," Kloots admitted. "It is so crazy to be dating for the first time at 39 years old. And it's quite terrifying, and (it's) really out of your element and it's hard."

Keogh can relate. He too started casually dating months after his wife's death. He recalls having difficulty re-familiarizing himself with small talk, flirting and intimacy after years of being married.

"Terrifying is a good way to describe it," he says, also calling it "scary" and "awkward."

"(Many) widowed people haven't dated in decades, and the dating game is different now. There are different rules and ways to meet people, and there's also a lot of self-doubt, like 'am I ready to do this?'"

Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington and relationship expert on "Married at First Sight," adds guilt is often a common emotion for those who begin to date after losing their spouse. For some, it "may feel like cheating" to start seeing other people.

"You may feel disloyal, even though you know that is irrational. You may feel guilt that you're the one alive and now you're being even more alive than your partner was able to," she says.

But the process is "a mix of confusing feelings," and Keogh says it's normal as long as you eventually learn to push that guilt aside.

It takes 'bravery' for widows to date

Rather than firing off judgment, experts say people should be commending women like Kloots for their bravery.

"If someone has gone through their worst sustained periods of grief and feels ready to love again, then it's a testament to their fortitude and heart," Schwartz says.

Kenyon, who also became widowed as a first-time mom, said the TV personality's story is "relatable." She praised Kloots for being open about her dating life.

"She can be a wonderful role model by showing that she courageously wants to move forward, and it's great that she is doing what she can to de-stigmatize the idea of dating while widowed," Kenyon says.

According to Schwartz, Kloots is "choosing life rather than a continuing state of mourning." And that's OK.

"You do not dishonor your spouse, or marriage, by loving again. In fact, it shows that your marriage was wonderful because if it wasn't, you wouldn't be so determined to do it again," she explains.

While criticism is inevitable, Keogh says people in Kloot's shoes can't let naysayers influence their behavior.

"Don't let others control your personal life. If you feel you are ready to date again then go into it but don't let the thoughts of others dictate your happiness," he says. "If this is something you're ready to do, then take the plunge."

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Amanda Kloots dating after Nick Cordero death, and that's OK