Another Nightmare ‘Pinocchio’ Movie Is Coming (But This One Actually Looks Good)

While Marvel has been boasting about their next 30 years of projects, another fantastical universe has quietly been taking over contemporary cinema. Hollywood’s biggest names—Tom Hanks, Guillermo del Toro, Cate Blanchett, Pauly Shore—are all in cahoots: The industry will not rest until all entertainment revolves around a puppet/human/nightmare. It’s not long before the whole world is riding the Pinocchio wave.

Oscar-winning legend Guillermo del Toro has released the trailer for his new Netflix stop-motion animation film, Pinocchio, set to release later this year. In the clip, Ewan McGregor’s wise Sebastian J. Cricket (perhaps a riff on Jiminy, if that J stands for what I think it stands for) introduces us to the story of the wooden boy.

“From my many wanderings on this earth, I had so much to say about imperfect fathers and imperfect sons,” Sebastian intones. “I want to tell you a story. It’s a story you may think you know, but you don’t.”

A lot of us probably do think we know the tale of Pinocchio by heart, especially after Disney’s 1940 adaptation of the classic. But del Toro promises to put a new spin on the character, claiming that he has a “personal connection” to the character. The newPinocchio trailer, which has earned a flurry of positive reception online with what appears to be a dazzling new take on the story, shows off the director’s passion for Pinocchio.

Still, fans are a little baffled by the story. Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio is set in Italy amidst the rise of fascism in the nation in the early 1900s, and the animated film plans to work that into the main storyline. We might even see Pinocchio enlisted in the army, which is a bizarre thought. A wooden boy? In uniform?

“He is recruited into the village military camp, because the fascist official in town thinks if this puppet cannot die, it would make the perfect soldier,” del Toro told Vanity Fair. A Jurassic World spin on Pinocchio—just what we all need. But if there’s anyone who can do that gonzo story right, it’s Guillermo del Toro.

The Internet Is Losing Its Mind Over Pauly Shore’s ‘Fruity Pinocchio’ Cartoon

The Pinocchio hive—wherever you are!—have an array of wooden boys to choose from this year. First, Pauly Shore dubbed a bonkers animated version of the film that went viral all over Twitter. Watch this movie if you love chaos and A Goofy Movie. Note: Everyone should love chaos and A Goofy Movie.

Coming soon, Disney is also releasing a live action version of Pinocchio starring an “unrecognizable” (read: wearing a white wig) Tom Hanks as Gepetto, Cynthia Erivo as the Blue Fairy, and Joseph Gordon Levitt as Jiminy Cricket. The day I’m forced to witness Joseph Gordon Levitt play Jiminy Cricket will, unfortunately, be my last day on this planet.

But for now, there’s this trailer for del Toro’s take on Pinocchio, which stars a flurry of charming folks, includingCate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton, John Turturro, and Tim Blake Nelson. Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio will land on Netflix this December, with an exclusive theatrical release the month before it streams.

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