The Answers to All Your Must-Know Wedding Ceremony Etiquette Questions
When planning a wedding, you’ll have many decisions to make specifically surrounding your ceremony. For a tradition with so many logistical elements up in the air, you might be wondering what you should plan for. Below I’ve answered common questions to give you a better understanding of wedding ceremony etiquette.
How long is a typical ceremony?
Most American wedding ceremonies last between 15-30 minutes, with the exception of Catholic ceremonies (1 hour) and other cultural and religious ceremonies that require extra timing to include all of the necessary traditions. Some couples place less importance on the ceremony and will schedule it to be no longer than 10 minutes, so feel free to shorten the ceremony depending on your priorities. If your ceremony will take place outdoors in hot or cold weather, do be extra mindful to keep your ceremony under 30 minutes. Nothing’s more miserable than sweating in formalwear from the blinding sun in the middle of summer having to fan yourself with your clutch!
What's the proper processional order? What about the recessional?
Typically for American weddings, the grandparents and parents of the couple will walk down the aisle to take their seats first. Sometimes the groom will walk his parents down the aisle and other times he walks in after the parents to take his place at the ceremony site. From this point, either the groomsmen will accompany the bridesmaids in pairs to walk toward the altar together before splitting to either side or the groomsmen will enter from the side and the bridesmaids will walk one by one down the aisle. For the recessional, the couple walks down the aisle first. After, the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk back down the aisle in pairs, followed by the family members and then the rest of the guests.
Is it okay if I don't have a flower girl or ring bearer? What do I do if I don't have one?
Absolutely! Many weddings are childfree and thus have no child attendants. Normally the ring bearer and/or flower girl would walk down the aisle after the bridesmaids and before the bride. If you’re skipping them, then just have the rings given to the best man prior to the ceremony to hold in his pocket until the ring exchange.
Can I walk down the aisle to any song I want or should it be more traditional?
You do you!! I’ve heard everything from the classical wedding songs you hear in movies to songs by the Lumineers to other popular Top 40 tunes. Choose anything that has special importance to you. Infusing personal meaning into your wedding is far more memorable than being traditional for the sake of being traditional.
Where should immediate family sit?
It’s best to place immediate family members in the front row so that they have the best view of your vows and ring exchange. You can opt for reserved seating signs to mark their places.
Do I have to have my bridal party stand with me?
Nope! Although it’s more common to have the bridal party stand, some couples will have seating available in the front two rows for the bridal party to sit during the ceremony, whether for the entire thing or just for the middle. This is especially common in Catholic weddings that are lengthy and don’t even require the couple to stand the whole time.
Can my dog be included in the ceremony?
Yes, please!! Have someone your dog trusts to walk him or her down the aisle and then be their handler for the ceremony. I’ve also seen a bride walk her dog down the aisle before handing her off to a friend. Just make sure that your dog will be well behaved enough to sit through the length of your festivities!
Should we write our own vows?
There’s really no right or wrong answer when it comes to whether or not you should write your own vows. That said, speaking from experience I have noticed that guests react more enthusiastically to vows that the couple have written and reads aloud. From happy tears to tons of laughter, these emotions are usually more heightened when the couple adds that personal touch to their ceremony.
Are unplugged ceremonies a good idea?
Yes times 1000. I cannot strongly recommend enough that you have a sign AND have the officiant make an announcement that guests should refrain from using cameras and phones during the ceremony. Not only are phones in the air/aisle extremely distracting in your professional photos that you heavily invested in, they also cause guests to be less present. Rather than seeing their smiling faces, you see a plethora of phones and sometimes tablets as you’re walking down the aisle. Sometimes, guests will even take a moment to Instagram their photos during the actual ceremony, which is absolutely not okay. Trust me when I say you don’t want any of those things to happen. Especially since the guests will have access to the professional photos, there’s really no good reason why you shouldn’t have an unplugged ceremony! If you want a “happy medium,” have an unplugged ceremony but with a short 30 second moment where the officiant welcomes guests to take a photo.
Cavin Elizabeth is a wedding film photographer based in San Diego, California. Her wedding work has taken her all over the United States and abroad. In addition to being a photographer, Cavin is an educator and an avid blogger of wedding planning tips for brides and grooms. She authored the book A Bride’s Guide to a Picture Perfect Wedding, which teaches couples how to make wedding plans that are best for photography.
