The anti-Thanksgiving: What are you not grateful for? My list is long and grumpy | Opinion
Heading into the holiday season, I’m trying something different this year.
In addition to taking stock of what I’m thankful for, I’m compiling an “ingratitude” list of the irritants that make me want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.
Because I have high blood pressure, I mostly steered away from serious topics like war, climate change, starvation, gun violence, discrimination, wealth inequality, abortion, the Supreme Court, election denialism and No. 45. What I wound up with is a list that falls somewhere between pet peeves and catastrophes.
I wish I could say I “invented” this exercise, but apparently it’s been around awhile. It is said to “soothe the soul.”
It is cathartic — what I imagine yoga or meditation or a spa day would be like, if I actually did those things.
I invite you to try it. Maybe share your list when there’s a lull in the conversation on Thanksgiving. Or if that seems inappropriate, save it for Black Friday.
Without further ado, here’s my list, though I suspect it will be much, much longer by the time the New Year rolls around.
The word “panties”
Ugh. Women hate that word. Need proof? Goggle “Why do women hate the word panties?” You’ll see it described as the “p-word,” “creepy,” “gross,” and “something a sketchy guy on a park bench would mumble.”
Yet for some reason, the word “panties” and its variants keep showing up in the most unexpected places, like the New York Times crossword puzzle. (Clue: “Shopping destination for your underwear needs?” Answer: “Pantyhouse.”) Seriously, find a different word. Underwear. Underpants. Or maybe borrow from the Brits and use the word “knickers.”
Politicians who consider it some huge “victory” to avoid a government shutdown
That’s where the bar is set now? If government’s doors stay open, Congress has done a good job? Houston, we have a big, fat problem.
The phrase “X, formerly known as Twitter”
This isn’t a gripe, as much as it is a question. How long are we going to continue to say “X, formerly known as Twitter?” That is not its name. It’s “X.” Just “X”. It has been since July 23.
Yes, it is a weird name. Elon Musk is a weird man — but X is now his company. He can give it any name he chooses.
Colors-of-the-year
Apparently, paint colors go in and out of style. Designers say most shades of gray, stark white, orange and red are taboo in 2024. Cracked pepper, pearly white, persimmon and several shades of blue are in.
Designers need to understand something: Regular people do not repaint their walls every year to keep up with trends. If they want to shame us, maybe they could call us out for something that’s easily replaceable. Candles, for instance. Or throw pillows.
Clean-energy NIMBYs
There are legitimate concerns about offshore wind farms. Complaining that views of the ocean will be compromised is not one of them.
Luxury Advent calendars
Advent calendars used to be inexpensive items strictly for kids, typically filled with little surprises like toys and candies. No more.
Now there is a $1,480 Advent calendar “for the person who refuses to wear anything other than gold jewelry”; a $750 Dior calendar filled with “culty beauty best-sellers”; and a $1,300 collaboration between Swarovski and Disney that contains 22 exclusive ornaments, two necklaces and a set of stickers.
My level of disgust for these calendars is probably irrational. After all, no one is forcing me to buy these. Nonetheless, they make me want to gag.
The Republican presidential debates
Theoretically, they could give Nikki Haley the exposure she needs to challenge former President Donald Trump for the Republican nomination — and help her prospects for future elections. Still, absent the frontrunner, it all seems a bit sad, silly and irrelevant.
Anything that starts with “I did such-and-such so you don’t have to”
The writer may be referring to trying the latest McDonald’s McFlurry flavor, sailing around the world with 2-year-old twins and a baby elephant or auditioning for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
Whatever it is, they are implying that they are doing us some huge favor when in reality we may a) have no interest in doing whatever it is they did; b) do not have the ability or the means to do whatever it is they did; c) have interest, ability and means, but want to check it out for ourselves rather than rely on the advice of some self-absorbed stranger; or d) have already tried whatever it is.
$20 cocktails
It’s not so much the price as it is the size. As a general rule of thumb, the more expensive the drink, the smaller the glass.
Not getting the day after Thanksgiving off as a paid holiday
Self-explanatory, right?
People who do not follow the unspoken rules of the grocery line
It’s simple. Unload your cart at the earliest opportunity. Have your credit card, coupons or club card at the ready. And do not engage the checker in unnecessary banter. These little courtesies will keep the line moving.
Fleas
They make our pets’ lives miserable and can earn us serious side-eye from veterinarians during the dreaded flea-comb test.
Yet according to the internet, fleas do serve a purpose: “Without fleas, animals such as rabbits, hares, deer, and other herbivores would overpopulate, causing insurmountable harm to the ecosystem. Despite being pests, fleas serve a vital role in the ecosystem,” according to the website A-Z Animals. In other words, they are little assassins.
But they may also have been put on this earth to teach us a lesson:
“Through a philosophic lens, perhaps irritating pests exist to help us overcome petty external annoyances, teaching us to achieve equanimity in the midst of a world we can’t control,” someone named Adam wrote eight years ago on a website called fleascience.com.
Actually, that “philosophic lens” could be applied to just about every “petty external annoyance” we encounter.
So thanks, Adam.
And happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
