You knew "The Battle of the Lukes" was coming this week. But we bet you didn't know it was going to end the way it did. And that it would leave us questioning what the heck is going on in Hannah's head.
This week's episode of "The Bachelorette" picks up right where we left off, with Hannah bringing the two Lukes together to work things out. Men talking to each other about feelings? A novel concept in 2019, we know. Hannah leaves the room during the heated chat. (If only we could do the same.)
They each say they’re doing their best to be open and honest with Hannah. Luke P. tries walking back his attack on Luke S. from last week (you know, when he kneed him in the head?), saying he was trying to step over him. That's a take.
Host Chris Harrison brings them out to the rest of the group and says there will be no cocktail party.
Before Hannah begins the rose ceremony, Luke S. interrupts to go talk to her. He apologizes, saying it’s been hard for him to defend his character time and time again. He urges her to keep her eyes open and says he thinks she knows who he's talking about. (The other Luke, Hannah, the other Luke!)
And then he leaves! Harrison steps in and takes away a rose − meaning there's one less to give.
Hannah explains that Luke S. just sent himself home. "I don’t want anybody here that doesn’t want to be here," she tells the remaining men.
Garrett, Tyler and Jed already have roses from last week. Hannah doles out roses to Peter, Connor, Dylan, Dustin, Mike, Kevin, Devin, Grant and … Luke P. That means John Paul Jones and Matteo are sent packing. (We can't remember the last time Matteo spoke.)
So, why is Luke P. (let's just call him Luke, now) still there? Her heart wants him to be there, Hannah says, but her head doesn’t always want him there. She knows there are red flags but she also hasn't had time to explore the relationship the way she feels it needs to be explored.
She'll get the chance to do so in Scotland. Specifically, Inverness, the cultural capital of the Highlands.
It doesn't seem like Luke is changing his self-absorbed tune. He says in an aside that he's looking at all these guys and that they're not what's best for Hannah: "It makes me want to gag."
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Mike opens up about his ex
Hannah invites Mike for a one-on-one, which is predictably adorable. They visit a candy store, try out a sour candy called the Black Death and make cute sour faces. They also enjoy a whisky tasting.
Hannah tries traditional Scottish haggis and asks "Is this Loch Ness Monster?" We don't have time to get into that, so we'll just tell you that no, it's not.
What we do have time for: Hannah tells Mike she feels like their last few conversations haven’t been about their relationship. Over the course of the date, it's evident that's changed.
"Our bond is very unique and genuine," Mike says in an aside. He also says it takes him longer than the average person to fall in love − which is, um, problematic on a show like this, no?!
Mike grows nervous ahead of dinner. "The last time I was this nervous was Dec. 25, 2013. That’s when I told my ex that I loved her," Mike says. They broke up in 2015, and she really broke his heart. He’s terrified, but can see himself falling in love with Hannah.
Mike wants to know about her past, and she tells him about not loving herself enough and how she's become the person she's supposed to be. Hannah says going on the show is a scary way to find love but for it to work you have to take the risk.
Mike tells her, "I can see myself getting down on one knee in a few weeks if I’m ever so lucky." So much for taking longer than the average person to fall in love!
Hannah (obviously) gives him the rose.
And the week before: Hannah goes to the emergency room; Luke P. and Cam unravel
Kilt them with kindness
Devin, Tyler, Jed, Dylan, Grant, Connor, Dustin, Peter, Kevin and Garrett are part of the group date this week. Meaning Luke gets the one-on-one. He tells the rest of the men he’s at the breaking point – after this he'll know if he wants to be there at all. What is going on in this man's brain?!
The group date involves the contestants training for the Celtic Highland Games, which include activities like ax-throwing, racing with buckets of milk and wrestling. Hannah is excellent with the ax − not so much everyone else. The date goes off without a hitch. It's amazing what can happen when Luke isn't around. (Mike later refers to him as the Luke Ness Monster, which is all too appropriate.)
During the Highland Games, the contestants put on their best kilts and vie for Hannah's heart. Tyler gets his act together with the ax, and Peter succeeds with the milk bucket race.
Jed "wrestles" with Hannah, which is a sly way to get her on the ground with him. He wins the Games as well as the group date rose. They also (Lord Jed and Lady Hannah) apparently now own about a square foot of land in Scotland. Is this legal? We're not sure!
Hannah and Luke go on a terrible date, of course
It's time for Hannah and Luke's one-on-one, and it's really too bad this date isn't more fun because the view is breathtaking. Unfortunately, Luke's nonsense is the only thing taking our breath away.
Hannah says she doesn’t understand why the guys don’t like him. Luke says he could’ve handled the Luke S. situation better and starts talking in circles, but Hannah pushes back.
She wants a man that people are drawn to. He says that anywhere he's ever been everyone loves him … which Hannah points out sounds boastful. YES, Hannah, thank you!
Hannah tries to get Luke to open up but he says the way the guys are treating him isn’t affecting him and that he just wants to give her clarity. Bleh!
In a short, odd sequence, Hannah steps away to talk to producers about the situation. "Can somebody talk to him about what it means when I say 'how do you feel?'" she asks. And they say she needs to talk to him about that, which … yes.
She goes back, but says she feels like he’s only saying things he knows she’ll like. She wants to talk to him about normal stuff, like which he likes more, spaghetti or macaroni and cheese. You know, the real stuff!
Somehow the date continues and they go to explore a castle.
At dinner, Luke says he’s been trying to be too perfect and tells Hannah it’s been really hard with guys saying stuff about him that isn't true.
Hannah says him getting angry at Luke S. during rugby didn’t bother her, because at least it was him showing real emotion.
Luke says he loves everything about her, even her flaws. (!!!!!)
But Hannah tells Luke she doesn’t feel good after this date, and doesn't know how she feels about him. She says today is the worst a day has gone for her and that she can’t give him this rose … and the episode ends.
What's Hannah going to do next?! We'll have to wait another week. But to be clear: We're over the Luke Ness Monster.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: 'The Bachelorette': Hannah confronts the 'Luke Ness Monster' − but will he get sent home?