Army veteran hikers take rest in Haywood County

Apr. 16—A group of four hikers made a pit stop in Haywood County on Thursday. They are among 20 military veterans who are participating in the Warriors Expedition, a program that gives veterans the resources to hike, bike or paddle along various trails — in essence, an opportunity to unplug from the stressful hangover of their military service and find ways to heal.

This group is heading up the Appalachian Trail, having started its 2,185-mile long journey March 21 at Amicola Falls in Dawsonville, Georgia. They'll end about six months later in Maine.

This was the second stop for this particular group, who had previously stopped in Otto, North Carolina. Other veterans are still behind on the trail.

The group is being helped by the Waynesville American Legion Post 47, which is providing food and shelter while the veterans are in town. Legion member Scott Maddox picked up the hikers from the trail and has been helping them during their stay in Haywood County. He said the idea to assist the veterans came from another American Legion member who had taken part in a similar program on the Pacific Coast Trail.

"He brought it to me two months ago, and I didn't see any reason why we wouldn't want to do this," Maddox said, adding he was taking the group to Walmart on Friday to let them resupply. One other veteran has already made his way through Haywood County.

The four veterans in this first group are Matthew Gillooly, Michael Spear, Johnny Moses and Robert Martinez, all Army veterans.

Gillooly, a native of Seattle, Washington, retired four years ago after serving for 22 years. Spear, from Sanford, retired 16 months ago after serving for 22 years. Moses, from Destin, Florida, retired seven years ago after serving 31 years. Martinez, a native of Las Cruces, New Mexico, retired last July after 23 years of service.

The group openly shared their intimate and powerful stories during an interview with a reporter from The Mountaineer.

"The bravery you're demonstrating right this minute telling complete strangers the most intimate parts of your life ...," Maddox said, during the interview. "I'm just proud to be here to help you."

Nature therapy

The trip is one that is largely therapeutic for the group, giving them time to reflect and process their trauma in the serenity of the Appalachian Mountains.

"I have been doing all this stuff to try and handle pain and combat trauma," Moses said. "Last year, it kind of came to a head. I couldn't deal with it anymore."

The opportunity to hike the Appalachian Trail was one that Moses had been hoping to experience for over two decades. He's grateful to the Warriors Expedition.

"Man, it's marvelous," Moses said. "An organization that sponsors you and kind of takes care of you all the way through. We don't have to worry about planning or anything. We just get to be alone with our thoughts in the woods. That's freaking sexy, man."

Gillooly agreed.

"I've wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail for the last 25 years," Gillooly said. "Never had the opportunity because I have been raising a family, paying bills, having a job. This is the first opportunity I've actually had where I could step away from all that."

He echoed what Moses said, stating that he never felt like he had fully left the military, even after retiring from the Army.

"I walked out of uniform and walked right into doing the exact same thing as a civilian," Gillooly said. "Never had time to shake off that military dust. Four years later, I realized I hadn't even stepped away from the military yet. I'm still doing the same thing, still hadn't had a chance to unwind. That's what I love about this. Three weeks later, I haven't had the stress of my life, my job, my family. You just get time to think and you need that."

For Martinez, this journey was one that was a long time coming, as well. He said that he had been going through a cycle of depression and was trying everything he could to transition himself from military life to civilian life.

"I knew I needed to do something to get myself out of it," Martinez said. "I was not sleeping. I was not able to do things for myself. I was a very miserable person for myself, my family and my kids. I was not good in society at that time."

Facing demons

For Spear, the journey was one that has meaning beyond working through his own demons. He lost a fellow soldier during one of his deployments and that impact hasn't left him.

"I can't remember anything about him except his face missing," Spear said. "This trail gives me a chance to walk through his state where he grew up. I am hoping through that that I get to make a connection where I get to close that."

He said that he hopes to meet the soldier's father one day. He did see him when his son's body was returned home, but avoided speaking to him.

Spear is also walking to show himself his military service wasn't all bad.

"We push all that away and focus on the milliseconds that have impacted us so deep that we can't turn away from it," he said.

Spear is looking to show his family and himself that he still has fire in his belly.

"What type of husband or father would I be if I'm just going to roll over and give up? They've already seen me roll over and give up. I'm trying to step back up to the plate."

He wanted to bring back that fight that he felt he had lost at some point during his transition out of the military.

"I had gave up on myself," Spear said. "I gave up on my family. I gave up on everything in general. I had tried to commit suicide, which forced me into a transition where I felt like I had lost my identity."

Finding identity

After having given the majority of their life to their country, the men said regaining their identity was something they desperately needed.

"My identity was a really big issue for me," Moses said. "I was no longer a superstar falling out of planes and doing all this crazy stuff. I got lost in alcohol. I got lost in doing dumb things. I'm still a father. I've got three daughters. I've got a wife. I have to provide for them. I have to be an example for them. You just don't have time to unplug. The world is coming at you."

After leaving the Army, Martinez, too, felt like he had nothing left.

"I felt like I had lost everything," Martinez said. "I felt like I was a failure. I felt like I was living life in disgrace. This provided me an opportunity. When I left the military, I didn't know what to do with myself."

For Spear, returning to civilian life meant turning into a hermit, leaving his house only to hunt. Even a trip to Walmart was stressful. However, the trip has changed that.

"It's allowing me to let people into my life, and I feel like I have control over it," Spear said. "I feel like it is going to make me a better man, a better father and a better husband. It's not healthy to be solo all the time."

Coming out of that shell is a big deal for Spear, but it is also a big deal for those around him. He wants to be a role model for his children and other veterans.

Family life

The group has a varied selection of family lives. Two of the men are married. Two are divorced. They all have kids, and family is important to all of them.

"I want my presence with my family to be better than my absence," Moses said. "I'm not a good person. I'm not a good father. I'm not a good husband because of the issues I have. I'm working through it. This is giving me the opportunity to completely unplug, completely focus on the things I need to focus on."

Stepping away from his family for this six-month journey was a difficult decision, but one that was ultimately the right choice.

"I miss my daughters and my wife so much, but I think my absence is more important than my presence right now because of the person that I am," Moses said. " I send them a picture of the sunrise and the sunset. I don't go by a flower without taking a picture of it. I want to get back to just being a dad. That's the most important thing to me and I just don't know how. It broke my heart to be away from my family, but I know it is necessary."

Spear said that he feels that, while he has missed some things, this hike is an important step in reconnecting with his family on a better level. He said that his wife understands why he is doing this and their conversations during his trip have been more meaningful due to him not having as much stress.

"I'm lucky," Spear said. "My wife is my biggest advocate. My family supports this whole heartedly. My wife told me for the first time in the longest time, 'I'm proud of you.' And that was freaking huge. I felt like I won a gold medal at the Olympics. I'm doing something to represent my family right now. To them, I'm like a superhero."

Martinez has been struggling with the issue of family on the hike, as well, and is hoping to use the journey as a way to heal.

"There's a lot of times that it hasn't been easy," Martinez said. "There's been times that I have been on the trail and I've thought about jumping off a cliff. That's because one of the issues I'm struggling with is family. If you tell me to be fun, I don't know how to be fun. I don't know how to engage with people sometimes because I forget everything isn't so serious. To me, it's a mission. It is a way of life that I lived so long that I have forgotten how to be a child."

Faith

The group also spoke about their faith and their struggles with it throughout the years.

"I can't even go into a church without crying," Spear said. "I've tried to go in three times. There's just things I hate hearing. 'You've got to forgive yourself.' There's shit that has occurred and bullets that I've sent to places they shouldn't have gone. I can't forgive myself for those things. When my day comes and it's time to be judged, I'm looking forward to that. I'll sit there and take whatever needs to come my way."

Moses had a different experience, saying that he had originally gotten back into the church for his daughters rather than for himself, but it had helped him tremendously, too.

"It's not about being in the church, but about the church being in you," Moses said.

Gillooly said that he had tried to go his own way on several occasions, but after an incident that left him in the hospital, he asked God for help and it began to turn his life around.

"I reached out to the church and to Christ and all of a sudden, my life started looking upwards," Gillooly said. "I had meaning behind my life again. It was a big turning point in my life."

Martinez said that he had always been a man of faith, but had stepped off his path at some point. He said that he has begun to get back on that journey and has even had the help of one of his fellow hikers.

"I'm just walking the journey and seeing what happens," Martinez said. "I'm still working at it. I'm fortunate that I have good people around me. Johnny has helped me get back in the church. My brother has helped me. I've added that to my hike. I start my day with a prayer and, if I'm not exhausted, I end my day with a prayer."

Strength in numbers

The four men did not know each other prior to the trip, but have grown into a brotherhood along the way. The fact that they all served and are all working through similar problems has helped that in a big way.

"There's a selection process," Spear said, for how the hikers are chosen. "They're weeding out those who are not going to truly benefit from what they have to offer, so there's a common thread amongst all of us. To me, that removed a lot of anxiety in taking part in this program. I knew everyone that I met day one had already been vetted. It's a great group of people that run this organization. I know I'm among a great group of people to share this journey with. If I need to lean on somebody, I can turn to any of them, and they'll help me solve the problem."

Despite all the pain these men have been through, the quartet is still able to enjoy their time together during this special journey through the Appalachian Mountains.

"At night, I have laughed more over these last three weeks than I have in probably the last seven years," Spear said. "And genuine laughs where tears are coming out of my eyes."