The astrology of ick: every zodiac sign’s biggest turnoff revealed
Like so many things, our attraction and disenchantment may be star-born.
Just as astrology offers us a deeper understanding of the self and others and can indicate our personal preferences for foreplay, ice cream flavors, sex soundtracks, sandwiches, superpowers, polyamory, and pets, so too can the stars shed their light on our turnoffs.
When it comes to modern dating, common turnoffs include the twin icks of cheapness and flashiness, spending too much time on the phone, and dominating the conversation with the talk of an ex.
Read on to learn more.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Inauthenticity
Aries will always allow for (and often deliver) the unhinged and the uncouth but they do not tolerate the fake. Throw up on their shoes, key their car, scream a manifesto into their voicemailbox but don’t make nice if you don’t mean it, and don’t be boring if you can help it.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Being told what to do
I met a recently divorced Sicilian Taurus working in a meat shop, in between slicing prosciutto he illuminated the crux of being a bull, “All we want is our patch of grass in the sunshine and we want you to have yours, but if you come for that patch, or tell us what to do with it, we will go to war and we don’t even care if we win.”
Point taken, let them be or bear their wrath.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Inflexibility
Ruled by mercurial Mercury, Geminis change their minds, plans, opinions, and loyalties with alarming speed. They need friends and partners that allow them to revel in all possibilities. The stalwart and the steady have no place here. Twins are on the lookout for a ride or die that can roll with the punches and their frequent fluctuations, someone eager to hear of their latest discovery and ready to accompany them on their fleeting flights of fancy.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Small talk
At any given moment the average Cancer is battling back a deluge of complex emotions, an existential crisis, and a few lingering anxious attachments. This water sign runs deep and as a result, has no time for the superficial and the superfilous. They’re willing to go all in but only if you’re willing to get to a point of true depth.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Spinelessness
As a fixed fire sign, Leo is born to lead and defend, primed to stand proud in their convictions. Conversely, lions despise those who are easily swayed, stand idle in the face of injustice, or struggle to commit to a cause. Playful and striving, they welcome the company of a worthy opponent but can’t bother with or be bogged down by the lily-livered or the fair weather.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Inconsistency
Virgos have a reputation for being persnickety and judgemental but as a mutable earth sign, they’re more forgiving and accommodating than most, looking at you Scorpio. However, Virgos have a hard time relying on others thus inconsistency, and failure to follow through are real deal breakers and a true boner kill.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Ugliness
Libra is symbolized by the scales of balance and is ruled by Venus, planet of love, beauty, and aesthetics. These facts conspire to make Libra hyper-sensitive to ugliness of any measure; harsh words, bad manners, loud chewing, polarizing politics, dirty carpets, fluorescent lighting, and unruly children with juice-ringed mouths. Be pretty or be banished.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Flirtation
Scorpio is a sign that demands loyalty and anticipates betrayal. When you enter into a love dynamic with a Scorpio you become their psychic property. In a relationship, they cannot abide by flirtation, suggestive interaction, cracked jokes, or light banter between their significant other/object of obsession and any passing competitor (in their minds, everyone is a competitor). For evidence, see Scorpio moon Kylie Jenner’s response to Selena Gomez asking for a photo with Timothee Chlamet. Stand down.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Negativity
Sagittarius is the sign most likely to suffer from toxic positivity. Ruled by luck-doling Jupiter and blithely believing the best is yet to come and the sun is just around the corner, archers can’t abide complainers, doom and gloomers, harsh realists, or the suggestion that the world is irrevocably f–ked.
Good vibes and good times only, bro.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Laziness
Ruled by staunch planet Saturn, Capricorns are an industrious people. As the sign of legacy and enterprise, they’re born to build and can’t even with the languorous, the loafing, or the emotionally self-indulgent. Sea goats are here to get to the top of the goddamn mountain so much so that the struggle becomes an erotic exercise in itself. Even the self-destructive among themare productive along their road to ruin; looking at you Elvis, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Codependence
Aquarius can’t hang with a cling-on or a controlling partner. As the sign of revolution and radical independence, they need a cohort that can stand on their own and allow them the time, space, patience, and encouragement to be as weird as they please and as free as they need. For more info on the zodiac signs inclined towards codependence, see here.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Gaslighting
As mutable water and thus psychic sponges, Pisces folks are supernaturally perceptive, they can see ghosts, sense sexual tension, smell hard feelings, and read the proverbial room. They loathe when their intuition is undermined by gaslighting tactics; it confuses their sense of self, compromises their ability to respond authentically, and scrambles their Care Bear spirits.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love f
