Bad holiday music: Christmas songs that make the yuletide less fun
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
But I'm a glass half empty kind of person.
While the bulk of the world is busy buying holiday gifts and looking to make the days merry and bright, I've been thinking about the flip side of the gingerbread house.
I love Christmas music and it's perfectly acceptable to start listening to it the day after Halloween. I know you're going to say 'let Thanksgiving have its holiday.' When you produce a decent Thanksgiving song, I'll be all ears. And don't give me the Adam Sandler fiasco, that's just terrible.
Christmas music is one of the best parts of the holiday season. There are thousands of great songs to get you in the holiday spirit, and there are also plenty of duds. I've come up with 10 songs that make me long for New Year's Day. These are the ones that are so bad (so, so bad), they make you listen to your in-laws instead of the music.
Simply the best: Ultimate Christmas music guide: 50 of the best songs to get you into the holiday spirit
10. "Fairytale of New York" by Bon Jovi. I loved the original, but I realized it was time to retire it because of inappropriate language. But the new one is pathetic. Nothing good about this tune. If you haven't heard it, consider yourself lucky. Do yourself a favor and don't even click on the link.
9. "Dominic the Donkey" by Lou Monte. Nobody loves animals more than me, but you expect me to believe a donkey can do things the reindeer can't? Oh, they can't climb the hills of Italy? They fly, stupid! Hills will pose no problem. I don't blame the donkey, I blame Lou Monte. (Hee-Haw, Hee-Haw)
8. “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” by Gayla Peevey. Speaking of animals that deserve better, nobody should get a hippo for Christmas. Go the the shelter and get a cat or dog. They need a home. Something tells me this kid is the kind of person who gets a hippo for Christmas and takes it to the pound a week later.
7. "Oi to the World" by No Doubt. If God came down on Christmas Day, he wouldn't say oy to the world. He'd probably be too busy trying to figure out how the punk rock girl ended up with the country singer to worry about guys drinking bourbon.
6. "Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy. Terrible song. We all know it and we all hate it.
5. "Baby It's Cold Outside." I didn't put a singer because it doesn't matter who sings this, it's creepy. I still can't believe people were irate when a radio station stopped playing it and took action. How can this song be that important to anyone who doesn't get royalties from it?
4. "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band-Aid. I love the reason they sang this song, it was a fundraiser for Africa. And it's not really a bad song. My problem is the video. You're singing about people not having water or food and you're toasting and smiling. Show some compassion!
3. "Christmas Wrappings" by the Spice Girls. The original is great. The Spice Girls are great. I like them so much, my fantasy football team's name is the Spice Boys. But together, they just don't work. I'm sorry. And if you're reading this Baby Spice, I still love you!
2. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen. I would forgo getting presents from Santa for the rest of my life if it meant I never had to hear this song again. On second thought, it would probably have to be all Springsteen songs. Santa is always good to me, probably because I'm a fellow fat guy. The only time I'm unhappy hearing about Santa is when Bruce is singing about him.
1. "Christmas Shoes" by NewSong. This song was recorded to make people sad on Christmas. It was also recorded to make this guy seem like a hero on Christmas for buying a kid shoes to give to his mom. Great, you did something nice! Now you have to tell the world. Don't do it just because you're a good person. It's a shame this song was recorded before Facebook; This could have been a status to get a lot of likes and you wouldn't have had to ruin the holiday season by recording this garbage.
This article originally appeared on The Intelligencer: Worst holiday music to listen to over Christmas
