Balancing Act: Let’s stop dragging out Melania Trump’s nudes every time we want to defend a first lady

A teeny, tiny mini-scandal erupted when Jill Biden wore fishnet stockings on Easter Sunday, which is actually good news. (Yay for a return to an administration so bereft of glaring misdeeds that we’ve once again stooped to petty clothing critiques!)

“Madonna called and wants her trashy look back, Doc,” conservative commentator Wayne Dupree tweeted, echoing the tenor of most of the lame barbs. (She’s too old to pull off that look; she holds a position too dignified; it’s Easter for Pete’s sake, etc.)

Fine.

Given Biden’s track record of tirelessly advocating for young people and persevering through adversity and shoving protesters off her husband’s stage, I have a feeling she’s pretty adept at shrugging off fashion digs.

But in the rush to defend Biden, some fans of the first lady and her stockings fell into a reflexive habit that I’d love to see us move away from: Holding up a different woman’s wardrobe (or lack thereof) for scorn instead.

Over and over, Melania Trump’s nude photos have been dragged out as Exhibit A: Now that’s trashy.

The photos — usually pulled from a 1995 photo shoot for a French men’s magazine, regrettably splashed across the cover of the New York Post in 2016 — are trotted out every time a first lady or former first lady comes under fire: “You’re mad about this when Melania did that?”

When the Wall Street Journal published a whiny opinion essay about Biden putting “Dr.” in front of her name, out came the Melania nudes. When Michelle Obama’s pointed, powerful Democratic National Convention speech came under fire from conservatives, out came the Melania nudes. And so on.

Ideally, we get to a place where we defend the things we hold dear — a woman’s right to wear whatever she darn well pleases; a woman using an honorific she’s earned; a woman’s powerful words in defense of our nation’s character — without chastising another woman for a choice she made with her body.

Ideally, when someone calls a woman trashy for her clothing choices, we recognize that for what it is: An attempt to keep women boxed into a corner of shame, lest they inspire lustful thoughts in others, or embarrass themselves trying.

Ideally, we get to a place where we reject that kind of thinking, rather than indulging in it.

Actually trashy? Taking college students’ phones, forwarding their explicit photos to yourself and then creating fake social media profiles to trick the students into sending you more, as Northeastern University track and field coach Steve Waithe is alleged to have done. Federal authorities charged him with cyberstalking and wire fraud on Wednesday.

Actually trashy? Walking around the House of Representatives showing your colleagues photos and videos of nude women and bragging about your sexual conquests with them, as Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz is alleged to have done.

Actually trashy? Scheduling Gaetz as keynote speaker at your women’s group conference, even as he’s under investigation by the Justice Department for claims that he paid for sex with multiple women and a 17-year-old girl.

Actually trashy? Asking your 25-year-old subordinate how she feels about sex with older men, as Andrew Cuomo, the 63-year-old governor of New York is alleged to have done.

Fishnet stockings on a first lady doesn’t even begin to register on the list of problems this nation needs to tackle. But the way we talk about and treat girls and women, the ways we fail to protect their bodies, the way we too often blame girls and women and their clothing for those failures, those are real problems that cause real harm.

Let’s not add to those problems, even as we try to tackle and, ideally, solve them.