Banning Halloween celebrations is no treat
Where do you come up with all that crazy stuff? It’s a question we get asked all the time. And the answer is as simple as it is surprising. It’s a natural offshoot of hanging out with Diana Ross and the Supremes. Don’t believe us? It’s in the song lyrics.
Whenever they’re near, we have epiphanies.
It happened just the other day. Normally, we don’t rubberneck while driving, but when we spotted a family attaching a rope ladder to their house, we had to take a closer look. It was all white — the ladder, not the house — started out wide at the bottom, but narrowed at the top where it was attached to the roof. It looked kind of fun until we saw what was waiting for us about half way up. An 8-legged bug about 20 feet wide with fangs a mile long. Right next to a cobra swaying to the music. No way were we climbing that bad boy. We’re like Jim Stafford.
We don’t like spiders and snakes.
Obviously though, it’s not all about us. Yards everywhere are filled with creepy-crawlies, tombstones and inflatable ghouls. Not to mention the most frightening thing of all. Political candidates. In fact, between “Spooky” being the only song on the radio and every silver screen around featuring Jamie Lee Curtis dispatching Michael Myers for the umpteenth time in “Halloween 99,” there are only two certainties in life. You can’t kill the boogey-man.
And there’s always a school bent on destroying kids’ October holiday fun.
First East Lansing pulled the plug on Halloween activities last year. Now scores of others are doing the same thing — cancelling dress-ups, parties and parades left and right. Too distracting, Holt school officials said. So? We got distracted all the time when we were in school. Usually by the cute girl in the second row.
And nobody ever did anything about that.
But in Pennsylvania’s Lower Merion district just outside Philly, it’s all about safety. There’s no way to screen out all those evil-doers who show up anytime kids go parading around the neighborhood dressed as Batman, Spider-Man and Princess Ima Beautiful Arnti. The rest of the year? Neighborhoods are totally crime-free. But that’s only the beginning. Apparently, plenty of families there have religious or cultural objections to such celebrations, meaning their kids either have to stay home or go sit in the library while everyone else is out hunting for the Great Pumpkin. Can’t have that in a district that prides itself on inclusivity. Which is why school officials have gone to great lengths to make sure everyone feels welcome and accepted. By telling kids to wear their costumes to school on Oct. 31.
So much for cultural objection concerns.
Exclusionary issues also kiboshed Brookside Elementary’s Halloween celebrations in Lake Forest Park, Washington, near Seattle. School is a place for all students and families, district leaders say. Which is why this past June they celebrated Crazy Hair and Hat Day — caring not a whit about those who had neither — and why in the name of promoting unity and community, they recently arm-twisted everyone into doing laps around the school for the PTA’s Move-a-Thon fundraiser. Because nothing builds community faster than keeping track of the number of circuits completed.
By marking them on bibs — yes, bibs — the students had to wear.
Enough. Between outlawing holiday observances and putting kids through humiliating experiences like that, it’s no wonder they’re all coming down with scolionophobia. The extreme fear of schools. Leaving them physically ill and unable to function. No doubt about it.
We’re gonna need a bigger library.
Talk Back with Doug Spade and Mike Clement is heard every Saturday morning from 9 a.m. to noon Eastern Time on Buzz 102.5 FM and online at www.dougspade.com and www.lenconnect.com.
This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Talk Back: Banning Halloween celebrations is no treat
